Obscure Famous Quotes

[wonkawill]

This might have been done already, but the basic idea is to find the most obscure, thought-provoking, stupid, zany, and clever quotes by famous people you can find. Discussion is not only welcomed, it is encouraged.


"I want to know God's thoughts, the rest are details." - Albert Einstein

[wonkawill]

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

-Brooke Shields

[Bretsch]

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.

David Letterman

[wonkawill]

"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."

-Samuel Goldwyn

[wonkawill]

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."

-Batman costume warning label

[wonkawill]

"A lie can travel half-way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

"You should never do anything wicked and lay it on your brother, when it is just as convenient to lay it on some other boy."
- Advice for Good Little Boys

"Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any."
- Advice to Young People speech, 4/15/1882

- Mark Twain

[Bretsch]

Originally posted by wonkawill@Apr 26 2005, 07:29 PM
"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."

-Batman costume warning label
<div align="right">Quoted post</div>

^style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rofl.gif
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

Frank Zappa

[stormtrooper9]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>Life saving device
This is NOT a life saving device!!!
Claymore Anti-Personal Mine
DO NOT EAT
Various Computers
Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue
Kikkoman Soy Sauce
Warning: Refill only with Kikkoman.
Swansea Institute of Higher Education, Wales, UK
A letter distributed to staff and students included the following message:

For safety reasons all staff and students are reminded that the taking of hot drinks out of the Refectory / fast food areas is strictly forbidden.

Several slipping accidents have already occurred as a result of liquid being spilt on the floor and the probability of someone suffering from a serious scalding accident whilst walking along busy corridors and getting into crowded lifts is high.

Your full cooperation in ensuring that you do not put yourself and others at risk is required.[/b][/quote] style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Max Starkiller]

Outside of a dog a man's best friend is a book; inside, it's much too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx

Modern music is a sick puppy.
-Frank Zappa

[Obitwokenobi]

When you're being happy, it's like wetting your pants. Everybody can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

-Anonymous

[o8_jedi]

On American beers:

"[They're] like making love in a canoe: it's style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/censored.gif-ing close to water."

-Eric Idle of Monty Python-

[wonkawill]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>Modern music is a sick puppy.
-Frank Zappa[/b][/quote]

Sad but true. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>On American beers:

"[They're] like making love in a canoe: it's -ing close to water."

-Eric Idle of Monty Python-[/b][/quote]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rofl.gif

[o8_jedi]

When greeting the Brazilian* President Fernando Henrique Cardoso as reported in Der Spiegel.:

"Do you have blacks, too?"

-George W. Bush-

*-It should be noted that, with the exception of any African nation, Brazil has the highest population percentage of black people in the world.

Oops....

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/banghead.gif

[wonkawill]

^ I remember that! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[o8_jedi]

(If I had big-enough balls, I'd send him a link to this (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/youare.php).)

The most-commonly used sentence in American cinema:

"Let's get (the hell) outta here!"

[Tos Corath]

The immensely quotable Oscar Wilde...

"An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea ta all"

"To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each others character before marriage, which I think is never advisable"

"Love can read the writing on the remotest star"

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"

[Bretsch]

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

-Anonymus

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

-Anonymus (I think)

[Leto Aldriss]

I think that last one is from Deep Thoughts, from the early nineties Saturday Night Live.

[Bretsch]

^I think you're right.

Here's another one:

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

-Winston Churchill

[Tos Corath]

My fav Churchill quote...

Lady Astor to Churchill "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison"
Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it"

[Bretsch]

^ style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rofl.gif

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

-Rodney Dangerfield

[wonkawill]

"Did I do that?"

- Steve Urkel

[Bretsch]

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

-Rodney Dangerfield

[Tos Corath]

Masterworks...

"That was cool...huh huh huh" Butthead

"Are you threatening me?" Beavis

[The Bandit]

“Photography is truth. Cinema is truth 24 times per second.”—Jean-Luc Godard

"Movies lie 24 times a second" -- Brian DePalma

[Bretsch]

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

-David Letterman

[Momin327]

"All the world is birthday cake. So take a piece, but not too much..." - The Beatles, "It's All Too Much"

[wonkawill]

"Don't wanna meet your daddy, just want you in my Caddie."

- Andre 3000

[Momin327]

"English? Who needs that? I'm not going to England..." - Homer Simpson

[wonkawill]

^ style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rofl.gif


Jinkees!

- Thelma (from 'Scooby Doo')

[Bretsch]

"There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't"

some dude

[o8_jedi]

On equality in the US Marine Corps:

"There is no racial bigotry here. We do not discriminate against style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/censored.gif, style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/censored.gif, style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/censored.gif, or style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/censored.gif. You are all equally worthless."

--Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket--

[Momin327]

"Uh, Ms. Bouvier, I think I know why you've been vomiting. Congratulations!"

"D'oh!!!"

[Bretsch]

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

-John Cleese

[wonkawill]

Stupid is as stupid does.

- Forrest Gump

[Bretsch]

People in Hollywood are not showmen, they're maintenance men, pandering to what they think their audiences want.


-Terry Gilliam

[Momin327]

"You'll shoot your eye out, kid!" - A Christmas Story

[Bretsch]

Jesus did. I was hopping along, when suddenly he comes and cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next moment me livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. Look. I'm not saying that being a leper was a bowl of cherries. But it was a living. I mean, you try waving muscular suntanned limbs in people's faces demanding compassion. It's a bloody disaster.

-Michael Palin

[o8_jedi]

On The Meaning of Life:

"42"

--The answer to life, the universe, and everything, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy--

"Well, it's nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations."

--A Lady Presenter (played by Michael Palin), Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life"--

[Bretsch]

^ style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bow.gif thanks for the correction.

Here's another from the Monty Python bunch:

"Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark"

[wonkawill]

The dark side clouds everything.

- Yoda (Attack of the Clones)

[Super_Milk_Chan]

It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.
-Ricky Fitts (American Beauty)

[Bretsch]

There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.


-Peter Sellers

[Momin327]

"We do not stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw

[Bretsch]

It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.

-Al Franken

[Momin327]

"A day without laughter is a day wasted." - Charlie Chaplin

[Bretsch]

Sure, the lion is king of the jungle
but airdrop him into Antarctica,
& he's just a penguin's *****.

Dennis Miller

[Bretsch]

Gentlemen, start your egos.


-Billy Crystal

[wonkawill]

A man said to the universe:
"Sir I exist!"
"However," replied the universe,
"The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation."

Stephen Crane

[Momin327]

"Carpe per Diem. Seize the check." - Robin Williams

[o8_jedi]

On People:

"Hell is other people."
--Jean-Paul Sartre--

[Momin327]

"Hell hath no fury like a woman!" - Anonymous

[o8_jedi]

^ Correction: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." is attributed to playwright William Congreve.

On Disappointment:

"My parents . . . were outraged when I arrived because they'd been expecting a heterosexual, black Jew with several rather amusing birth deformities as they needed the problems."

--Graham Chapman, Monty Python member--

[Super_Milk_Chan]

"You're having meat, meat, and sugar." (Super Size Me)

[Momin327]

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning!" - Apocalypse Now

[o8_jedi]

"Saigon. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/censored.gif."

--Opening words of Apocalypse Now--

[Sing Me Something/Anything]

"Holy Crip! He's A Crapple!"-Peter-Family Guy

[Bretsch]

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.

-Tim Allen

[Momin327]

(On a boring kids-show host:)
"He has the warmth of a glacier, he makes Mr. Rogers look like Mick Jagger." - Robin Williams, Mrs. Doubtfire

[Bretsch]

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

Elles DeGeneres

[Super_Milk_Chan]

Coach McGuirk: Brendon there's nothing wrong with lying to women. Or the government. Or parents. Or God. -Home Movies

[Momin327]

"Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone." - Dead Poets Society

[Bretsch]

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

-George Burns

[Momin327]

"Cocaine is God's way of telling you you're making too much money." - Robin Williams

[o8_jedi]

On the Perfect Response to Anything:

"Cocaine's a helluva drug."

-Rick James-

(Yeah, it's been overused, but it seemed appropriate following the previous quote)

[Momin327]

"If Jimmy cracks corn, and nobody cares, why does he do it?" - Pinky, from "Pinky and the Brain"

[Bretsch]

Hobbes: Do you think there's a God? Calvin: Well, SOMEBODY'S out to get me.

-Bill Watterson (taken from Calvin & Hobbs)

[Momin327]

Witness:

"Do I look... Amish?"

"You look plain."

[Bretsch]

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

-Jerry Seinfeld

[PrincessJoJo]

How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

[redsabre]

<span style="color:red">Do you know why the number 200 is so vitally descriptive for both you and me? Because it's your weight and my I.Q.

- Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor in Superman: The Movie (1978)</span>

[wonkawill]

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

- Albert Einstein

[Momin327]

"It doesn't really matter what clothes I wear or how I fare or if my hair is brown." - George Harrison, "Only A Northern Song"

[Darth Vegas]

"Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed."
- Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism

[o8_jedi]

On Computers:

"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy."
-Joseph Campbell-

[Momin327]

"You've tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try." - Homer J. Simpson

[Darth Kitana]

Woman to Churchill: Churchill, your drunk

Churchill to woman: Yes madam and you are ugly. In the morning however i shall be sober.

[clarkson88]

All of us are in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars: Oscar Wilde

[Momin327]

"Only a fool fights in a burning house." - Kang, TOS

[Darth Kitana]

female politician to Churchill: Sir, if i was your wife i would put poison in your tea.

Churchill to female politician: Madam, if i was your husband i'd drink it.

[Momin327]

"I don't like to lose." - Kirk, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

[o8_jedi]

On Wal-mart's evilness:

"To me, it's less Darth Vader and more like Ike Turner. One minute, it's all sweetness, coordinating a faster post-Katrina relief effort than the government. The next, it's slapping us around, hiring illegal immigrants and making them sleep in the back of stores. And just like Tina, we keep forgiving them 'cause they keep us in pantyhose and hairspray."

--Lewis Black on The Daily Show--

[StarDestroyer]

"If it weren't for my horse, i wouldnt have spent that year in college..."

[Kapit]

"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted" --John Lennon

[Momin327]

"Now excuse me while I kiss the sky!" - Homer J. Simpson

[Kapit]

"Huh, you know somthing? I always thought that dogs laid eggs. So, yeah. I learned something today." --Peter Griffin

[Darth Octavious]

Anything that comes out of George Bush's mouth.

[Darth Graves]

"drink of my metacloriens you may" a mock up of yoda in a funny starwars based clip on youtube.com

[Darth Graves]

"whos the furball?"
wolverine upon meeting "Beast"

[Momin327]

"There's nothing like butt toast and head eggs!" - Ryan Stiles

[Darth Graves]

"you know who cracks me up its, um whats his name, oh ya, Bush"

[STar war spUNK]

"I INVENTED THE PIANO KEY NECKTIE"- Mugatu

[Momin327]

"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and F the prom queen." - Sean Connery, "The Rock"

[Darth Graves]

"Hey whats that sound?" or a alternate version..
"Hey did you hear something?"

[Zedekk]

Drive thy business, or it will drive thee - Benjamin Franklin

[Momin327]

"It's not the years, honey. It's the mileage." - Raiders of the Lost Ark

[Zedekk]

Badger my @**, its probably Millhouse. - Homer Simpson

[JediMasterJamz]

"May God have mercy on my enemies, for I will not" - Gen. George S. Patton

"Speak softely, but carry a big stick" - Teddy Roosevelt

"Dad, what would you say if I said I didn't wanna join the boyscouts?"
"Well son, first I'd have to say 'come again?' And then I'd have to laugh because I said 'come'." - Family Guy


"God does decide the fate of battles, but other factors play an important role. The avilibility of food and water, and the absence of disease." - Saladin, Kingdom of Heaven

"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with" - Wayne Dyer

-"I want to be able to wake up in the morning, and the first thing I see is your face. Then, I'll be happy"
-"Yea, me with my messed up hair, my mouth hanging open, that's a pretty sight!"
-"You're always a pretty sight"
Me to my girlfriend

-"You're the Avatar? But you're just a child!"
-"Well you're just a teenager!"
Zuko to Aang

"I put no stock in Religion. By the word 'Religion,' I've seen the lunacy and fanatics of every demonation been called the 'Will of God.' Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. What Holiness is...what God wants, is here (points to Balian's head) and here (points to Balian's heart). And in what you decide to do every day, you will be a good man...or not." Kingdom of heaven ( I forget his name)

[Momin327]

"I never joke about my work, 007." - Q, "Goldfinger"

[Zedekk]

Asps, Indy, very Dangerous ~ Sala

[Zedekk]

"
-"You're the Avatar? But you're just a child!"
-"Well you're just a teenager!"
Zuko to Aang


^ whats that from? MasterJamz?

[Momin327]

"Now why don't you make like a tree, and get outta here?" - Biff Tannen

[nefertiti]

"Why would a guy wanna marry a guy?"
- "Security."

Some Like it Hot

[Darth Massacrus]

"...Return to normalcy"

-Warren G. Harding