FerrisWiel
10-31-2002, 08:50 AM
Jek Porkins: Hero to the Rebellion, valiant warrior in the Battle of Yavin, sufferer of irritable bowel syndrome?
I thought this through while watching ANH, but the way Porkins talked during the assault on the Death Star gave me the sensation that I had heard it all before. And then I remembered, it's the way somebody with really bad gas talks to himself.
Note that the man was rotund. This doubtless was from years as a space-jockey aboard some kind of freighter where the only meals one gets are at greasy diners or from barely palatable ration cans. This alone could contribute to his digestive disorders.
He was under great duress. Not only was it a dangerous mission, one most were convinced (and rightly so) that they wouldn't return from, it was also the last stand the Rebellion could make. If defeated there, the leaders and great minds, not to mention his friends and allies, would be killed by the superlaser.
In his communiques with the other pilots, it's obvious that he's struggling. "I can hold it." He's already questioned whether or not he can keep himself from flatulating and, in spite of it being a losing battle, desperation hard on his voice, he tries to convince himself that he can avoid an embarrassing situation by simply clenching down and gritting his teeth.
Honestly, there is no question, then about whether he passed gas.
This leads to part two - Was his X-Wing destroyed by his expulsion of volatile gaseous compounds? I say yes.
The Alliance was short-shipped. They used snub fighters cobbled together by whatever piecemeal equipment they had. The jawas had more resources at their disposal than did the Rebellion. This meant that many if not all of the ships had faulty and exposed wiring. Imagine exposing flammable gas into a sparking tinderbox. And watch the way the ship explodes, too. It is as if the cockpit vaporizes and the rest breaks apart.
I believe it is our responsibility to elect November "Intergalactic Digestive Tract Health Awareness Month" here on the Star Wars boards. And Porkins can be our symbol.
Who's with me?
--Ferris Wiel
"As for the cause of poor Ranma's suffering..."
I thought this through while watching ANH, but the way Porkins talked during the assault on the Death Star gave me the sensation that I had heard it all before. And then I remembered, it's the way somebody with really bad gas talks to himself.
Note that the man was rotund. This doubtless was from years as a space-jockey aboard some kind of freighter where the only meals one gets are at greasy diners or from barely palatable ration cans. This alone could contribute to his digestive disorders.
He was under great duress. Not only was it a dangerous mission, one most were convinced (and rightly so) that they wouldn't return from, it was also the last stand the Rebellion could make. If defeated there, the leaders and great minds, not to mention his friends and allies, would be killed by the superlaser.
In his communiques with the other pilots, it's obvious that he's struggling. "I can hold it." He's already questioned whether or not he can keep himself from flatulating and, in spite of it being a losing battle, desperation hard on his voice, he tries to convince himself that he can avoid an embarrassing situation by simply clenching down and gritting his teeth.
Honestly, there is no question, then about whether he passed gas.
This leads to part two - Was his X-Wing destroyed by his expulsion of volatile gaseous compounds? I say yes.
The Alliance was short-shipped. They used snub fighters cobbled together by whatever piecemeal equipment they had. The jawas had more resources at their disposal than did the Rebellion. This meant that many if not all of the ships had faulty and exposed wiring. Imagine exposing flammable gas into a sparking tinderbox. And watch the way the ship explodes, too. It is as if the cockpit vaporizes and the rest breaks apart.
I believe it is our responsibility to elect November "Intergalactic Digestive Tract Health Awareness Month" here on the Star Wars boards. And Porkins can be our symbol.
Who's with me?
--Ferris Wiel
"As for the cause of poor Ranma's suffering..."