Vibroblade's Medical Folklore

[Vibroblade]

Howdy all,

Decided to stop by and revisit some old friends. Can't be sure when I can visit but this thread will give me somewhere to find any posts from my remaining friends from my old JC days.

I'll try to do some medical humor here. God knows I'vv got a bunch of new material since I last posted.

Later
Vibroblade

[Blizzard]

Woo Hoo!!!!! I can't wait!!!

Wow, your name must have deleted in the mass cleaning. Sorry, Vibes! Do you want a capital V on your name?

[Vibroblade]

Here's some of my favorite questions that I'm asked daily.

1)(after getting a script )

Do you want me to take this?

<span style="color:blue">why would I write it if I didn't want them to take it?</span>

2) ( from a female patient )

Can you check my prostate level?

<span style="color:blue">needs no explanation</span>

3) Do you want me to keep this appointment?

<span style="color:blue">why would I make the appointment if I didn't want them to keep it?</span>

4)What does it mean when you're poop is (insert color)

<span style="color:blue">perhaps you've eaten something of similiar color?</span>

5) What should I do if it hurts to move my ( insert appendage ) like this?

<span style="color:blue">don't move it that way?</span>

6) Is it normal for little boys to play with themselves?

<span style="color:blue">does his father play with himself?</span>

7) Are you sure I can take these medicines together?

<span style="color:blue">would I write them if I didn't think you could take them together? I could be wrong but will asking me this suddenly make me right?</span>

8) (from someone I've never seen as a patient)

Will you call my scripts in?

<span style="color:blue">why would I call in medicine for someone I've never seen?</span>

[Vibroblade]

I would be most appreciative Blizz if you would fix my V.

[Tovor]

Vibes! SO good to see ya dude! I can speak for myself and many others, those who knew you from the days of old, the not-completely spoiled-yet age before TPM, your medical folklore thread has been missed, along with the doc who fueled it. Welcome back my man.

[Lara]

HEY VIBES!!!!!! Nice to see ya! http://216.40.249.192/mysmilies/ups/kamikaze/smilie_colors1.gif

Hope you come here more often, your presence is sorely missed.

[RedMirax]

YAY!!!! It's back!!! I loved your stories!!! I can soooo relate!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

[Brian]

Okay, stupid question time just to clear things up for me who didn't know Vibroblade from the old JC days. So Vibroblade is an MD, huh? Script = prescription, huh? Okay, stupid questions are done.

[JediKeri.]

Yayyyyyy, Vibroblade is back!!!

[Tovor]

O-B-Gates:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>Okay, stupid question time just to clear things up for me who didn't know Vibroblade from the old JC days. So Vibroblade is an MD, huh? Script = prescription, huh? Okay, stupid questions are done. [/b][/quote]
You got it right bud. Vibes is a primary care physician from Kentucky. Back in the old days he was real active in the original Jedinet Council boards, and then here he was a moderator for a time. He can speak for himself when he gets back, but I will tell you that one of his big gripes for years now has been the stupidity that people express in the doctor's office. I work in retail so I also deal with at times ridiculous stupidity from oblivious customers. But this is Vibroblade's thread so I won't tell my stories here. If he remembers to repost some of the old stuff he talked about, this thread is bound to be funny. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Vibroblade]

Sorry guys, I couldn't post there for a couple days because of an error.

Thanks Blizz for fixing my problem.

Tovor, I tried to PM the problem to you but your inbox is full....I'm not sure but there's something sorta homosexual about that thought....

Yes indeed, I plan on doing a few repost. Particularly the tic encounter.....

Did you guys notice that everyone in this thread besides me and lara are moderators? Damn, it's nice to have friends in high places!

[Tovor]

I remember the tic encounter. I will reread it when you post it, long after I eat so as to not gag again.

I have a Tovor@jedinet.com addy for you to message me if my PM box is full which it usually is, although I admit since no one and I mean no one emails that account I check it only every so often. My regular email is MasterofTales@attbi.com.

Yes, there is a strange image that comes when someone tells me my box is full. It works for the female mods but I feel violated when guys fill my PM box. lol.

BTW, dude, you need an avatar. Your name area looks so empty without one. Just a suggestion, of course.

[Tovor]

Darthlara wrote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>Hope you come here more often, your presence is sorely missed. [/b][/quote]
Vibes is a doctor, he can treat sores. What do you prescribe Vibe?
heh heh, "prescribe Vibe".
I just made myself laugh. I'm such a simple, easily amused person. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Lara]

LOL! that just sounded naughty for some reason style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sly.gif

[Smeghead]

<span style="color:green">Oh no, not the tick... that was so gross it boggles the mind... :o)

Oh, and WB Vibes.</span>

[JediKeri.]

Something tells me I don't want to read that?

[Blizzard]

LOL! I remember that, I can't wait!

Yer right, mods galore in here. You think we are scaring the others away? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

[Tonin]

Naw I dont think that all the mods are scaring folks away. But the tick story might, that was gross. I cannt wait for some more stories though, this was one of my favorite threads to read back at the old council.

[Vibroblade]

Avatar huh....yea, I need one but I can't seem to find one that suits me at present...

Perhaps an opening and closing rectum?

[Tovor]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>Perhaps an opening and closing rectum?[/b][/quote]
Well hey, it goes with your job, don't it?

I just started to laugh because I suddenly had a strange and unusual thought, an image in my head. Not that I ever want to be this close to one or see it, but ah-la Tyler Durdan's X-rated splicings into family movies in Fight Club, it would be hilarious if people were watching a film on the big screen and they suddenly saw a 2 second glimps of an extreme close up of a flatulating anus accompanied by surround sound audio effects. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

Perhaps the sub-title for this thread should be, "Definitely not for the squeamish or recently fed."

[Vibroblade]

Once, many moons ago, while I was a resident family practice student, I had a most singular experience. A story I like to call The Tick.....


It was late in the evening and I was doing outpatient visits in the Family Practice clinic where I trained. We had a system in place where each resident took, in turn, the next unassigned patient ( meaning patients that didn't have a chosen Resident and just wanted to see anyone ), and I was "up to bat".

Naturally, as was my norm, I got lucky enough to draw a 400lb lady who hadn't bathed in several weeks and who, again naturally, wanted a PAP smear. Man was I pissed. It was my last patient and I certainly didn't want to end the day that way, but I had no choice.

The lady was complaining of vaginal fullnes for the last couple months. Given her girth, she had no "weigh" ( pun intended ) to see the problem. It was my job to "wade" in and give things a look.

Was I in for a shock! When I opened the labia, there was the largest tick I had ever seen. Damn near puked, did I. I took the forceps and tried to remove it but it exploded and got blood all over my new white coat. Nastiest thing I ever saw, and I had a hard time keeping the bile down. Still, I had to keep it in check because the poor lady was completely mortified and I didn't want to add to her pain by blowing chunks..

[Vibroblade]

That's cool Tovor......a fart closeup!

Can it be done?

[Tovor]

Sure. Give me a moment to sit on a video camera lens and hope the lens doesn't fog.

[Vibroblade]

LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tears in eyes...
pepsi snot bubbles.....


I think I pee'd on myself!!!!!!!!!!

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Tovor]

LMAO
Hmmm, why do I suddenly not have the urge for
Pepsi?

[RedMirax]

That IS nasty!!! EWWWWWWWWWW!!! You are a good man, Vibes. I don't know what I would have done in that situation!!!

[Vibroblade]

Thank you RedMirax, one tries to at least be fair with people. Not all of us chose are lot in life. Tis best not to judge I guess.


BTW hi to all my old friends. Hey Lara! Hey Smeg! Hey Tonin and JediKeri!

I missed this place....though it does feel a bit strange without my ol' bubby Teek. I spoke to him on AIM last night for a good bit and he's doing well.

Ahh, if there's one thing I've had to learn this last year it's that times change....not always for the better and not always for the worst....tis the way of things, the way of the Force.

You know I say that last part somewhat in jest but not totally. I have a poster in my office that says "everything I learned in life I learned from Star Wars". Though that's a gross overstatement, there is certainly some truth in it.

[Lara]

Hiya Vibes! http://smilies.networkessence.net/otn/other/ylsurprise.gif

EEEEEWWWW! I had forgotten about the tick story.

[JediKeri.]

I think I'm gonna go puke....

[Brian]

That is one of the nastiest things I have ever heard. I don't think I could have kept the chunks down. Way to stay professional, Vibroblade, MD.

[Tonin]

Last night I gave some of my bored friends the link to this thread and then waited for their reactions. It was great fun for me ( Some of the friedns took it better than others).

That story can go down on my list as reason #24529 why I will never be a doctor.

[GaViN28x]

ohhh my god....I mean how, why......wait I don't wanna know that is sick dude so sick but soo funny.

[JediKeri.]

Dude, I hadn't even had breakfast when I read that. I didn't even eat til after noon....

[RedMirax]

There are plenty more...stay tuned!!! lol

[Tovor]

Yes, stayed tuned for more fun and excitement when he tells us about the numerous rectal exams he has had to perform. Only Vibroblade, with his knack for relaying his experiences, can make rectal stories fun.

[JediKeri.]

Ahem...I really don't want to hurl on my dad's comp here....

[Tovor]

Rectums...ya gotta love 'em!

LMAO

[JediKeri.]

Tovor: ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

[Tovor]

Nah, I'm just goofing off. There are certain places you don't want to visit, and mentioning such places in jest is just my way of stating the opposite of how I feel. =)

[JediKeri.]

Could have fooled me

[Tovor]

Heh heh. I think I am well known from the old days in the old message board, for saying things people don't expect, just to surprise them.

[Seanakin]

Just being me here, but shouldn't the plural form be "recta?"

Again, just being me. So nobody else among this august group of Senators has to. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Vibroblade]

Here are some more stupid things.

A woman once asked me what it meant when your urine "smoked". Swear to God she said smoked.

With a straight face I said, " It means your running low on water and need something to drink. To my knowledge, she still thinks that.

You may say I was mean, but would it have been better to have said the truth? That she's not blessed with tremendous intellectual abilities.


Another rectal anecdote. I once met a man with splinters in his rectum. I asked no questions and received no explanation.


Here's one of my favorite stories, and it's not gross in any way. I personally think this is my favorite story because the gentleman involved was such a character. It's been a few years, so I'll have to prod my memory to do the story justice.


Again, back in residency I met this wonderful older gentleman around 75 years old. He was coming to me to get some pain medication (I believe) because his leg hurt from an accident he'd had resulting in him fracturing his leg.

I'm generally the curious sort and I really like to get to know the personal details of my patients. It allows me to relate to them better. I ask the gentleman how he'd broken his leg and his answer was quite surprising.

"That's a story make no mistake", he said. "A couple weeks ago I went out to feed my pig. Now my pigs a fine enough pig but he's got a temper he does. A lot like his master. I don't get around so good anymore and when I leaned over to pour the slop in the trough I dropped my glasses."

*About this time I'm beginning to wonder why I'd asked cause the old geezer is obviously setting in to tell a pretty windy tale.*

"I also don't see worth a d@mn without my glasses so while I was reaching into the trough I didn't see my pig sneak up and bite me. Now I may be old but I still got a temper and I decided it was high time I had me some pork chops. I went back to the house to fetch my gun but I picked up my shotgun instead of my rifle. I went back to the trough to kill that d@mn pig but, without my glasses, I couldn't see well enough to tell where he was. I leaned my shotgun against the rail and picked up the bucket, knowing he'd come running to the trough if I poured more slop in. Well, I must've bumped the shotgun cause it fell over and went off. I knew it was high time to get the h$ll out of there when I heard the scream of a bull.

I looked up and could see the bull about 5 feet away and I felt my end draw nigh unto me ( my favorite part I love the way he phrased that and I'll never forget it ). Like I said, I may be old but I can run when I have to and I d%mn sure had to now. To make a long story short, I stepped in a hole and broke my leg, but I got away from the bull.

As far as I know this is a true story and pretty close to the way it was relayed to me. It's been a few years but I think I gave a pretty fair approximation of his style of speaking though I'm sure it's not verbatim.

[Lara]

LMAO!!!

Vibes, didn't you have "I felt my end draw nigh unto me" as a nickname in the council?

[Vibroblade]

Why yes I did. You got a good memory there Lara!

And you win.......my deepest admiration! ( you had that already but it's all I got;)

[Lara]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif danks Vibes

[JediKeri.]

I have to admit, ididn't read all this till after I had eaten

[Vibroblade]

Did you have pork chops?

[RedMirax]

LOL!!!!!

[Darth Carnage]

I doubt if anyone remembers me (Darth Biggs) from back in the day, and those that do probably wish you could forget, but seeing this topic reminded me of one of the stories and it actually always grossed me out more than the Tick.

Vibes, can you tell the story about the old lady coming in for pap smear?

[Lara]

Biggsy?!?! I remember you! HEY!!!!!

[Vibroblade]

I can't remember which one your refferring to DB. Could you PM me some more info to jog my memory?

Wait, I think I know the one of which you speak. PM me anyway so I can compare.

If it's the one I think it is, it's no wonder I'd forgotten. Blocking out these sorts of memories is a protective mechanism you know.

[Tovor]

What about the guy who fell asleep on the tracks and woke up as a train was going over him, and reached out to crawl out and lost his hands?

[Vibroblade]

That one I'll relate although there's not a whole lot more to the story than that.

[Tovor]

What makes the story disturbing is what he couldn't do without hands and apparently had to come to your office because of it.

[Justin]

What?

[Vibroblade]

You'll have to PM me too Tovor. Apparently senility has set in. I can't seem to remember the details of that particular story. You see so much dumb sh^t in my line of work that it all runs together after awhile.


Wait, I think I remember now. Like before with DB you should PM me anyway so I can compare.

[Tovor]

I shouldn't tell it, Vibes can tell it better. Yuk is my only contribution to his story.

[Tovor]

Vibes, I can't remember what I do from hour to hour, yet I still remember some of your stories. Don't ask me why.
Here's a hint:
Justin, you can't do office paperwork without pens, nor bathroom paperwork without hands.

[Vibroblade]

Ahh yes,

As with most of my stories this one occured back during residency.....

A gentleman came to see me one day complaining of anal irritation. It was farily obvious from the first why he would have such problems as the man had no hands. It seemed his lack of upper appendages had made it impossible to attain an acceptable level of anal hygiene. Being the curious sort, I ask the man how he lost his hands.

Well one day, while indulging in a few rounds of the good lords brew, he had passed out on the railroad tracks. Lucky for him he had passed out between the tracks. Unlucky for him he didn't wake up till the train was driving over. He told me that in his drunken stupor he had decided that he didn't like being under a train and was gonna get up and crawl out from under it. When he put his hands out to push himself up, they were cut off by the train.

Yet another reason to stay sober. Even so, I gotta believe that no amount of chemical influence would make me stupid enough to try and stand up under a train. For his stupidity he was awarded a first rate case of the raw ass.

[RedMirax]

Uh....ewwww!!!

[Vibroblade]

The PAP Smear:

Not long after the incident with the Tick, I had another interesting encounter involving a PAP smear. Once again, it was my turn to take the unassigned patient ( one without a physician ), and, once again, she wanted a PAP.

*Note to the reader. This story is rated in the severely disgusting range. It is more psychologically disturbing than gross, so you can't say that you haven't been warned.*

The lady was somewhere in the 60-70 range. She had no significant medical history, and frequented the physician's office very rarely. She usually only went to the doctor's office once a year for an annual exam with complete physical, and that's what she wanted today.

Little did I know that things had been carefully orchestrated by my colleges. It had only been a couple weeks since the Tick incident. If I remember correctly, I had made some comment about how I didn't think anything could ever top that. I was wrong.....god was I wrong.

The bulk of the interview and physical went off without a hitch. Then, it was time for the PAP.

I left the room and the patient was prepared ( undressed with feet in the stirrups ). While I was outside, I noticed that none of my coworkers would look me in the eye; some even appeared to be laughing behind their hands. I knew something was up, but didn't know what/where/how? Like a Jedi in the Old Republic, I sensed the dark side but the picture was cloudy.

I went back into the room with a heavy heart; the feeling of impending doom creeping up my spine. I sat down in my stool, looked up to the lady and said, " now I'm about to touch you, ok? "

"Ok", was all she said.

I proceeded to reach forward and separate the labi@. Did I imagine that or did the patient moan? I separated the labi@ and proceeded to inspect the outer v@ginal area for lesions. There's that sound again.
"Mam, is this hurting you?"
"No, I'm fine."
Next is was time for the bimanual exam. ( the ladies probably know what this is. This is where you insert two fingers into the vag&na while placing the other hand over the lower belly and trying to feel the cervix and uterus between the two.)
I was not wanting to do this part of the exam. I had a bad feeling about it. Still, it had to be done, so I sorta glanced at the nurse and told her that we were ready to proceed with the bimanual exam. (Wait a second, was she smiling?) She quickly turned around to get the necessary tools.
Oh sh$t. I know something's up at this point. Every fiber in my body is screaming for me to get the h%ll out of there. I can't do that though. I gotta remain professional and finish the exam.
Reluctantly I stand up and proceed to insert my fingers, Uh-oh, I KNOW that was a moan. What the h%ll's up with this chick? I begin trying to feel the cervix and she's starting to sound like "Lassie" from the old Porky's movie. OH MY GOD! I look to the nurse, and she's laughing so hard she's got snot bubbles and tears in her eyes. At about this time, I suddenly feel something warm hitting me in the belly. I have just been pee'd on. The lady looks up to me and say's, "thank you sonny." Worse yet, I realize the lady doesn't have a cervix and didn't need the d@mn exam anyway!

Needless to say I left the room quickly. The moment I arrived in the hall I was met with a multitude of laughter. It seems the lady only came to get the PAP because that's the only way she could find a man to "get her off". I had been duped into four play with a wrinkled old woman that sorta looked like the one from Something About Mary. Everyone else in the clinic had known the patient for years, but they thought it would be funny to teach me that yes, it can get worse.

To this day, I still feel violated.

[Seanakin]

Memo to Seanakin: Learn to appreciate your German degree a little more often, K?

[RedMirax]

Vibes, I must say it again...you are a good man. That is sick!!!

[Tonin]

Yucky. That someone would even think of doing that *shudder*. Although my guy friend who was reading over my shoulder had an interesting reaction to the story. He looks sick, maybe I should hobble off and make sure he's ok.

[Lara]

I remember that one style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

[Blizzard]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>I was wrong.....god was I wrong.[/b][/quote]
*<span style="color:red">Blizzard</span>*starts giggling

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>I sensed the dark side but the picture was cloudy.[/b][/quote]
*<span style="color:red">Blizzard</span>*laughs uncontrollably

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>the feeling of impending doom creeping up my spine. [/b][/quote]
*<span style="color:red">Blizzard</span>*gets goosebumps and contemplates reading on...

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>that's the only way she could find a man to "get her off". [/b][/quote]
*<span style="color:red">Blizzard</span>*is thoroughly discussed because she knows what it feels like to get peed on. But wonders if it's time for her yearly exam. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Tovor]

Oh Vibes, that is a sick vision I've just been given. I don't envy you in your field ya know.


Hey Lara, did I ever tell you about the time my friend Steve's (from Jersey) Doberman had messy sex with my knee? I was 17 and sitting across from Steve's girlfriend chatting, when his large brown Doberman Magnum casually walked up to my bare leg (I was wearing shorts) and began humping my knee. Steve's girlfriend began laughing uncontrollably while I sat there in shock, hardly believing the sex crime being perpetrated upon my innocent leg. Before I could get a grasp on what was happening it was over, and 10 seconds after Magnum had begun carnal knowledge with my knee, he was walking away with a satisfied wag of his tail and I had a stream of hot goo soiling my leg. I was dazed and shaken by what had happened to me, while Steve's girlfriend continued to scream in laughter for the next 5 minutes and Magnum was curled up in the corner smoking a Marlboro. I had never felt so violated in my life, and by a dog no less. The second time was a lot more easygoing, however. It was comforting and not nearly as rushed, and I learned why a dog truly is a man's best friend. By the third time I understood where the term "doggy style" came from, and I taught Magnum a trick or two myself. Ahhhh yes, the dogs days of my teen years. My experiences back then gave me a whole new outlook on getting a piece of tail.


LOL. Not all of that story was true, I hope you realize. I mean c'mon, everybody knows dogs don't smoke cigarettes!

[Lara]

LMAO!!! no, you never told me. Did Magnum call you the morning after? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Tovor]

No he sure didn't. But years later I slept with his son and several of his daughters, one per night that I stayed with Steve for a week. Steve's family had 10 Dobermans at that point, all from Magnum and his *****, and when I stayed there for a week I found that all his dogs loved sleeping in the same bed as Steve and took turns. So one each night got to sleep with me. Bubba, Magnum's son, was a huge Doberman and he slept with me 3 nights. 2 of those nights he pushed me against the wall while I was sleeping with his paws, so on the 3rd night I put him against the wall and I slept on the side of the bed. But he stretched out his paws as usual and pushed me right off the damn bed. So while Steve slept peacefully on the couch with 2 *****es, I got Bubba taking up space and pushing me off the bed. But I should've expected it. It's what you get when you sleep with dogs named Bubba.

[Lara]

LMAO!!! I wonder if Steve has dogs now that he's married, and if they sleep in the same bed and his wife and him.

[Tovor]

He has 2 and his parents still have several. And they do sleep with the dogs a lot, but I'm sure not on their wedding night.
heh heh.

Hey does anyone know what it's like to visit your buddy who has 10 Doberman Pinshers and get greeted in the kitchen by 10 growling, barking, snarling Dobermans? Let me tell you, that was a fun night, especially when Steve let the dogs get at me. Back then, when they had the 10 Dobermans, they never locked their doors, ever. Heh, never had to.

[Lara]

Awwww, and you were used to a little poodle =)

[Tovor]

One day his parents (when we were teens) came over to meet my mother and brought their 2 first Dobermans, Magnum and Vicky, with them. When Peanut saw them she growled at them and snarled at them as if she thought she was as big as them (they could have grabbed her in their mouths), and the funniest thing is, they backed away from her! Even the fiercest of Dobermans know, don't tread on a pocket poodle's territory.

Sorry Vibes, this is the wrong discussion for your medical thread. I thought you were in the bathroom so I was waiting for you to resume your stories. =)

[Lara]

LMAO! yeah, the small dogs are usually the ones who like to pick fights with big dogs.

[Tovor]

The thing is, Peanut never thought she was small. She had a big dog attitude and she thought she was a big dog.

[Lara]

Small dogs are like that, they think they are big. We had a great dane who thought it was a small dog, he thought he was a lap dog.

[Blizzard]

You two are having a convo in every single thread. Ever heard of Instant Message? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

[Vibroblade]

Tis ok Blizz.

The medical folklore thread is free to all discussions. Although, I never really intended besti@lity to become the primary focus of the thread.

A lot of time has passed since the incident related in the PAP smear thread. I believe that might be one of the greatest practical jokes ever played on a person. I might have been the "butt" of the joke but I can appreciate the humor now.

Believe me I didn't appreciate it then.

[Darth Carnage]

Yeah Vibes, that's the story I was thinking of. Man did that keep me entertained for many night running... Ahh... the good 'ol days! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

[Lara]

Blizzee, we got bored waiting for Vibes style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[JediKeri.]

I would have pi...n/m that's the wrong thing to say...

[nerfer]

<span style="color:c1007e"><span style="font-family:comic sans ms">

OMG!!!!!!!! Vibro I don't blame you for feeling violated. That lady has quite a lot of guts to actually go to a doctors to get off!!!!

I absolutely hated being examined for my visa, and the fact I have to be examined again makes me sick. I'm a very, very, very shy person.

Tovor luckily we don't have to deal with that sort of thing with our dogs. A - cos they are female. And B - cos they've been fixed. Although I do actually feel kind of bad for em in that respect. I think Corky would've loved to have had puppies and they would have been gorgeous too.

My bro peed on a nurse, when he was born. She picked him up and was like ooooooooooooooooh he's so cute. Next thing she has a spray of pee on her face.

When my mum told my bro this when he was about 13, his response was something like, damn I have good aim!!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif </span></span>

[Tovor]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>When my mum told my bro this when he was about 13, his response was something like, damn I have good aim!!!! [/b][/quote]
LMAO!

[Lara]

http://216.40.249.192/mysmilies/contrib/blackeye/evil_laughterpurple.gif

[Vibroblade]

One of my favorite stories just came back to me today. Unlike most of my stories, I can't vouch for the validity of the following. It could have been made up and just be a joke. However, the guy that told me this story doesn't seem like the type to make things up. Besides, it's more fun to believe it's real...

I like to call this story: The Orange Tallywacker


I was in the 3rd year of medical school when the following story was relayed to me. Is it real or just another urban legend? Not sure, am I. But, I find the story rather funny.

First, let's set the background. Third year of med-school is the beginning of the education of future doctors in the skills necessary to actually deal with people. The first two years are primarily academic in nature with little interaction of the students with patients. I was on my first patient encounter rotation and we were discussing the importance of doing a thorough interview with a patient. The professor had spent several sessions preaching at us about our need to improve upon our interviewing skills. I suppose he must have felt that his lectures were falling on deaf ears, because he decided to try a different approach.

" I want to relate a story to you. A story, I hope, that will impress upon you the importance of doing a proper interview. A few years ago, a young gentleman presented to the clinic with the complaint of having a orange p$nis. After an exhaustive comprehensive medical workup, our finest specialist at the university were no closer to reaching a diagnosis for his problem. One day, a young lady from my interviewing class decided that she would do her mock interview by speaking to the afflicted individual. As a matter of habit, this young lady always made it a point to begin her interviews on a personal note and ask the patient about his daily life. "

medical student: " What do you do for a living?"
patient: " I'm unemployed."
medical student: " What sort of interest do you have?"
patient: " The unusual stuff, tv, video games...."

* At this point the student could tell that the patient was being evasion so she decided to press him on the issue. *

medical student:" What sort of tv do you watch?"
patient:" You know. Regular stuff..."
medical student: " Could you give me examples?"
patient:" I WATCH PORN A LOT! ARE YOU HAPPY?!"
medical student:" I hate to ask, but what do you do while you are watching porn?"
patient: " Usually, I eat Cheetos."

[JediJaina]

Oh my god! That was too style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/censored.gif funny!

<---used to work in doctor's offices.

[RedMirax]

LOL!!!! I love your stories, Vibes!!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Blizzard]

More! More! More!

[Vibroblade]

you know, since residency I haven't had any real good experiences to share. Almost all of my really good stories occured when I went to the Univ. of Ky. In my more rural location, I just don't see as much really stupid ****.

I don't know what that says about rural verses metro culture, but it seems strange.

[JediKeri.]

But Vibro you are strange.... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Vibroblade]

Originally posted by JediKeri@May 8 2003, 02:33 PM
But Vibro you are strange.... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif
Truer words have never been spoken....

[nerfer]

<span style="color:c1007e"><span style="font-family:comic sans ms">

LOL!!!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif </span></span>

[Tovor]

Bump.

[Leia]

Originally posted by Vibroblade@Nov 3 2002, 11:42 AM
Worse yet, I realize the lady doesn't have a cervix and didn't need the d@mn exam anyway!


How does one not have a cervix?

[bluemilk]

Vibes thread reminds me of the new show House. Dr. House's mandatory clinic sessions are hilarious!

[Blizzard]

Wow, I got all excited seeing this thread on the New Posts list.

[brookie]

OMG!!! i just read the tick story!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/barf.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crazy.gif

[JediKeri]

Brookie you weren't eating were you?

[Vibroblade]

Here's an example of the dumb crap people ask me.

A 60 year old guy came in the other day complaining that his knee was hurting for the last couple days. I asked if he could remember doing anything to the knee that might explain the pain. After a couple minutes he replied that he seemed to remember twisting it when he was 3 years old but it hadn't bother him until a couple weeks ago. He wanted to know if that could be the problem.

How do you answer such a question without being a smartass? I tried my best to explain to him that the 57 years he'd lived without pain pretty much precluded the idea of that incident being the cause but I don't believe I convinced him...

[Blizzard]

LMAO!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[brookie]

Originally posted by JediKeri@Dec 13 2004, 10:50 AM
Brookie you weren't eating were you?
<div align="right">Quoted post</div>


ahh yes, pepperroni!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crazy.gif

vibes, you must have the patience of a saint!

[mazzy]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/chortle.gif More stories!! I love these!

I am going to think so carefully before I a) go to the doctors. b) ask the doctor anything!


Hillarious!

[JediKeri]

Hehe, I remember being clueless about rotator cuffs until I injured mine last august. Oh, the pain...I'm still not sure how I did it, but it took two months to heal...

[Trilogist]

JediKeri, is it healed now?

Oh, and bump. I miss Vibro's stories.

[Sabrina Fried]

Ugh, I just read the Tick story and the PAP test story. Funny AND disgusting!

You know what's wierd, I have two cousins in FLA who are doctors and they also have wierd stories from their residencies, but few from after that.

Sabrina

[mazzy]

I need more medical yuck!

[Vibroblade]

These stories come in bunches. Right now things are pretty calm but if I get a good one you guys will be the first to know.