Humorous Quotes

[Darth Vegas]

Parrallel to Woody and Buzz in Toy Story:

Han to Boba, "What you can't fly".

Boba,"Yes I can.

Han,"Can't".

Boba, "It is a real rocketpack, and I can fly".

Han,"Can't can't can't, caauauaoeeaaan't"!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Whatever you can conceive, that is humerous, put it down!!!!

[Darth Vegas]

Come on some one must have something!!!!!!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

[Winston_Sith]

Originally posted by Agent Bond A.KA. TK-007@Aug. 27 2002 - 02:00
Come on some one must have something!!!!!!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif
This is all I can come up with:

Darth Vader heads toward Anakin Skywalker. He PUSHES the chair on which Anakin is seated, and it SLAMS to the window. Anakin sees through the window, below an IMPERIAL SHUTTLE lands. The doors open and PADME's dragged out, kicking and screaming carried by SIX STORMTROOPERS...

ANAKIN: Why is she here?
VADER: Tying up loose ends.
PADME (O.S.): Put me down, you freaks!
ANAKIN: I'm begging you, don't do this.
VADER: I'm not doing this. We are doing this. This is what we want.
ANAKIN: No, I don't want this.
VADER: Right, except "you", is meaningless now. We have to forget about you.
ANAKIN: Jesus, you're a voice in my head.
VADER: You're a voice in mine!
ANAKIN: You're a freaking hallucination, why I can't get rid of you?
VADER: You need me.
ANAKIN: No, I don't. I really don't anymore--
VADER: --Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make my self feel better. Take some responsibility.
ANAKIN: I do. I am responsible for all of it and I accept that. So, please, I'm begging you, please call this off.
VADER: Have I ever let us down? How far you come because of me?...I will bring us through this. As always, I will carry you kicking and screaming and in the end, you'll thank me.
ANAKIN: Vader, I'm grateful to you, for everything you've done for me. But this is too much. I don't want this.
VADER: What do you want?! Wanna go back to the slave quarters, freaking desert world, watching podracing? F you! I don't do it.
ANAKIN: This can't be happening.
VADER: It's already done, so shut up. Sixty seconds, can you see alright?
ANAKIN: I can figure this out. I can figure this out. This is not for real. The gun is not even in your hand. The gun's in my hand.

The gun DISAPPEARS from Vader's hand and APPEARS in Anakin's.

VADER: Hey, good for you, it doesn't change a thing.

ANAKIN raises the gun and points the barrel at his head.

VADER: Why do you want to put a gun in your head?
ANAKIN: Not my head, Vader. Our head.
VADER: Interesting. What are you going to do with this JEDI-boy? Hey, it's you and me... Friends?
ANAKIN: Vader, I want you to really listen to me.
VADER: Okay...
ANAKIN: My eyes are open.

ANAKIN puts the gun into his mouth and pulls the trigger.

VADER: What's that smell...?

VADER falls to the ground and disappears.

[Darth Vegas]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hehe.gif

:p

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

[BlueSaber]

That was...freaky. Interesting....but freaky.

George to Mark: Mark, you're over 50-years-old!
Mark: No, that's not true! That's impossible!!
George: Search your birth certificate! You know this to be true!
Mark: NOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO!

[Darth Vegas]

"Who's your daddy, I am your daddy"!!!!!!!!!!

"That's not true that's impossible, Obi-Wan said he was my daddy"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Winston_Sith]

Originally posted by BlueSaber@Aug. 27 2002 - 05:38
That was...freaky. Interesting....but freaky.
There's another scene from Fight Club between Jack (A.K.A. "the Narrator") and Marla that would be pretty freaky too, but some of the language is WAY too bad for this forum, methinks.

I might post it anyway, or if think you know the scene I'm talking about maybe you or someone else can... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

[Winston_Sith]

Originally posted by Winston_Sith@Aug. 27 2002 - 17:24
I might post it anyway, or if think you know the scene I'm talking about maybe you or someone else can... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif
OK. Here it is! Edited for language and Star Wars-ized:

INT. ANOTHER IMPERIAL OUTPOST - DAY

Anakin walks in. The place is empty. He walks to an OFFICE DOOR, opens it and peers in at... a GROUP of IMPERIAL OFFICERS solemnly stand in a circle, chanting...

IMPERIAL OFFICERS: His name is Darth Sidious. His name is Darth Sidious...

MAN'S VOICE (O.S.) (from behind Anakin): Welcome back, sir.

Anakin whirls, startled -- facing the wounded OFFICER, who wears a NECK BRACE, his nose a smashed eggplant.

WOUNDED OFFICER: How have you been?
ANAKIN: ... You know me?
WOUNDED OFFICER: Is this a test, sir?
ANAKIN: Yes... it's a test.
WOUNDED OFFICER: You were in here last Thursday night.
ANAKIN: What?
WOUNDED OFFICER: You were standing right where you are now, asking how good our security is. It's tight as a drum.
ANAKIN: Who do you think I am?
WOUNDED OFFICER: Is this part of the test?

Anakin nods slowly. The officer holds up his hand, shows the KISS SCAR on the back of his hand...

WOUNDED OFFICER: You're the one who did this to me. You're Lord Vader, sir. Darth Vader.

ANAKIN (V.O.): Please return your seatbacks to their full upright and locked position.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

Anakin bursts inside, out of breath, runs to grab the com-link, punches a number, doesn't bother to turn on the lamp.

INTERCUT WITH...
INT. PADME'S ROOM - SAME

Padme answers.

PADME: Yeah?
ANAKIN: Padme, it's me. Have we... have we ever had sex?
PADME: What kind of stupid question is that?!
ANAKIN: Because the answer's "yes" or because the answer's "no?"
PADME: Is this a trick?
ANAKIN: Will you just answer me, for Forcesake?!
PADME: You mean, you want to know if I think we were just having sex or making love?
ANAKIN: We did make love?
PADME: Is that what you're calling it?
ANAKIN: Answer the question!
PADME: You f me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me your sensitive side, then you turn into a total a-hole! Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Lord Vader?
ANAKIN (V.O.): We've just lost cabin pressure.
ANAKIN: What did you say... ?
PADME: What is wrong with you?
ANAKIN: Say my name.
PADME: What... ?
ANAKIN: Say my name! What's my name!?
PADME: Darth Vader! Darth Vader, you Sith freak. What's going on? I'm coming over there... with an Rebel army!
ANAKIN: Padme, no, wait... I’m not there!

As Padme HANGS UP. Anakin stares at the com-link, dazed...

VADER'S VOICE: You broke your promise.

Anakin spins, dropping the com-link -- Vader's sitting on an armchair opposite him.

ANAKIN: Jeeze, Vader!
VADER: You f’in' talked to her about me!
ANAKIN: What the f is going on here?
VADER: I asked you for one thing, one simple thing.
ANAKIN: Why do people think that I'm you?

Vader shakes his head, extremely irritated.

ANAKIN: Answer me!
VADER: Sit.

Anakin sits on the side of the bed, face to face with Vader.

ANAKIN: Now answer me, why do people think that I'm you?
VADER: I think you know.
ANAKIN: No, I don't.
VADER: Yes, you do. Why would anyone possibly confuse you with me?
ANAKIN: I...I don't know...

FLASHBACK - HALLWAY - NIGHT
BAIL ORGANA checks his neckerchief in the mirror, goes to open the door to the his PLATFORM in the SENATE ROTUNDA -- FACE TO FACE with ANAKIN.

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
VADER: You got it!
ANAKIN: No...

FLASHBACK - HALLWAY - NIGHT
CLOSE ON ANAKIN, who's standing above Bail Organa with a RED LIGHTSABER blazing.
ANAKIN: Do not f with us!

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
VADER: Say it!
ANAKIN: Because...

FLASHBACK - INT. UNKNOWN LOCATION - LATE NIGHT
ANAKIN is sitting alone, IN DARKNESS, BUILDING HIS NEW RED LIGHTSABER.

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
VADER: Say it!
ANAKIN: Because we're the same person.
VADER: That's right.

FLASHBACK - CORUSCANT - ABANDONED WAREHOUSE DISTRICT - DAWN
ANAKIN: (to Sidious) We are the all-hating, all-killing Sith Lords of the universe.

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
ANAKIN: I don't understand this...
VADER: You were looking for a way to change your life. You could not do this on your own. All the ways you wished you could be...that's me! I look like you wanna look, I f like you wanna f, I'm smart, capable and most importantly, I'm free in all the ways that you are not.*
ANAKIN: No...

FLASHBACK - EXT. CORUSCANT - ABANDONED WAREHOUSE DISTRICT - NIGHT
Anakin stands in the yard, vodka in hand, yells at Padme.
ANAKIN: Anakin's not here. Anakin went away. Anakin's gone.
PADME: What?

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
ANAKIN: This is impossible. This is crazy.
VADER: People do it every day. They talk to themselves. They see themselves as they like to be. They don't have the courage you have, to just run with it.

FLASHBACK - EXT. OUTLANDER CLUB PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Two guys are getting out of the back door. They see ANAKIN PUNCHING HIMSELF.

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
VADER: Naturally you still wrestling with it...Sometimes you're still you...

FLASHBACK - CURBSIDE - NIGHT
ANAKIN sits ALONE on the curb, talking to someone beside him, but nobody's there. He hands the beer to "someone" and the beer crushes to the ground.
ANAKIN: We should do this again sometime.

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
VADER: Other times you imagine yourself watching me.

FLASHBACK - INT. OUTLANDER BAR BASEMENT - NIGHT
ANAKIN stands surrounded by eager-to-fight Jedi, under the bare bulb, talking and behaving like Vader...
ANAKIN: If this is your first encounter with a Sith -- you have to fight -- ME.

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
Anakin listens to Vader, his mouth hangs open.
VADER: Little by little. You're just letting yourself become...Darth Vader!

FLASHBACK - BUILDING - NIGHT
THE JEDI TEMPLE BUILDING. ANAKIN, Angel Face, Steph, Bob and another GUY rappel down the side, SPRAYING GREEN POISONOUS GAS. ANAKIN is "Vader" in demeanor, mannerisms, speech...
ANAKIN(shouting): You are not your lightsaber! Or how many Midichlorians you have in your cells!
TWO WINDOWS SHATTER OUTWARD.

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
ANAKIN: But you have a house--
VADER: --Rented in your name.
ANAKIN: You have jobs, you have a whole life--
VADER: --You have night jobs, because you can't sleep -- or stay up and make luckcharms out of Japorsnippets.

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
ANAKIN: Padme...You're f’ing Padme, Vader.
VADER: Uhm...actually you're f’ing Padme, but it's all the same to her... witch.

FLASHBACK - ANAKIN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
VADER is on top of Padme, sweating, making violent love... weezing.

INT. HOTEL - RESUMING
ANAKIN: Oh, my God!
VADER: Now you see our dilemma. She knows too much. We have to talk about how this might compromise our goals.
Anakin stands up.
ANAKIN: Wh--What are you saying? This is-- this is bs! This is bs, I'm not listening to this. You are insane.
VADER: No, you're insane, and we definitely do not have time for this crap!

Anakin stands, trying to absorb, feeling ill -- he suddenly FAINTS to the bed, OUT COLD.

ANAKIN (V.O.): It's called a "changeover". The movie goes on and nobody in the audience has any idea.

[Darth Opinionated]

Now that was twisted!!!!!!! :eek: :crazy: :look:

Maybe Vader and Anakin should have "toungy" in a spoof of Episode 3?

But more to poke fun at Kung Pow, with the tongue having a tongue, and that tongue having a tongue..........

[Aayla]

Now that was great! Fight Club is a very good and original movie, but Tyler (was that his name?) and Jack being Vader and Anakin... It's even greater!

[maddog62]

WOW that can not be topped. Meatloaf as Jar Jar. This is Bob. Bob has T:censored:TS.

[maddog62]

Stormtrooper #1,2,3,and 4 Stop Luke and Obi-Wan in Mos Eisly street:

(Stormtrooper#2 to #1) I got a bet with #3 that you got ten in you.

(Stormtrooper#1 replies while walking over to Luke's speeder) Is that right?

(Stormtrooper#1 to Luke) Sir, may I have your Licenses and Registration. MEOW

(Stormtrooper#2 chuckles and holds his hand up to show 1 finger while Luke hands him his License)

(Stormtrooper#1 tells Luke angerly) License and Registration. Meow

(Luke looks over laughes at Stormtrooper#1 while handing over his Registation)

(Stormtrooper#1 to Luke) What is so funny? Meow

(Luke asks Stormtrooper #1) Excuse me, but did you just say Meow?

(Stormtrooper#1) No, Sir I did not say, MEOW. What do I look like a cat?MEOW

(Luke answers while Stormtrooper#2 Laughs louder and now displays 5 fingers up) No,Sir

(Stormtrooper#1) How long have you had these Driods? Meow

(Obi-Wan Replyies while doubletaking) They are up for sale, if you want to buy them.

(Stormtrooper#1 informs Luke) This License is expired, MEOW, Let me see another form of Identification.

(Luke looks franticly while Obi-Wan waves his hand and says) You don't need to see his Identification.

(Stormtrooper#1) We don't need to see his Identification. MEOW

(Obi-Wan looks confused and replies)Meow

(Stormtrooper#1)I did not say, MEOW.

(Obi-Wan waves his hand and says) He can move along, now.

(Stormtrooper#2 stands with 9 fingers up and waves them at #1 franticly)

(Stormtrooper#1 to Luke) Move along MEOW.

(Luke and Obi-Wan speed off and Stormtrooper#1 and #2 give each other a Hi-Five and #3 digs in his pocket for the Credits)

[Winston_Sith]

Originally posted by maddog62@Aug. 28 2002 - 21:23
WOW that can not be topped. Meatloaf as Jar Jar. This is Bob. Bob has T:censored:TS.
ROFL

I think Dexter Jetstter is more the 'Bob' type, but Jar Jar is probably closer to Anakin than Dex is, so that's how it would probably go.

Vader:(snickering to himself as he beholds the spectacle of jar Jar, trying to look brave and dedicated, waiting on the porch) "You're too old, plat(as in duck-bill platypus *sp*) man. And your **** are to big..." Hahaha.

Padme: "Vader... You're the worst thing that ever happened to me."

[maddog62]

This is such a great topic I just can't let it die. Read it and post on it.

[Winston_Sith]

ANAKIN: Have I been Darth Vader longer and longer?

[Winston_Sith]

Another good one:

VADER: Who are you?

FAT MAN (DEX): Who am I?! *There's a sign on the front that says "Dex's Diner." I'm f’ing Dex. *Who the f are you?!

Dex makes the perfect Lou, don't you think?

[maddog62]

Fight Club one of my Top ten