Milk and other off topic things that somehow reached 300+ pages

[Emperor Palpatine]

Let's blow up that widescreen TV, I'm sure the owner won't care.

[Greedo Boy]

Yes, actually... I will care... as it's mine... and I like it very much...!!

*Whips out his shotgun.*

[Emperor Palpatine]

Too late, the TV has been destroyed. We will deal with your shotgun soon enough.

[Greedo Boy]

How can you deal with my shotgun if I've already blown off your legs...?

[Emperor Palpatine]

What's next? My arms, then my head? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif

[Bretsch]

* Backs away very slowly, before any one realises he's in the room too*

[Greedo Boy]

I see you Bretsch... don't think you can sneak away... I have Greedo-Quick reflexes!!

[Emperor Palpatine]

Run, Bretsch, you can escape! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif

[Bretsch]

*starts to run, hoping his Han Solo's reflexes are faster than Greedo's*

-voice off- Of course you all know what happens next, ..(insert name here) shoots first.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Nooooo! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crazy.gif

[Greedo Boy]

*Greedo Boy shoots Bretsch in the back.*

Well... he did ask for it.

At least now we can go through his valuables!

[Emperor Palpatine]

*Tries to run away, but the absence of legs doesn't help matters.*

[Kapit]

well, my work here is done

[Emperor Palpatine]

This whole escapade was a setup. It's been planned since the creation of this thread.

[Kommandant Felix]

Who uses the word "escapade" anymore?

[Emperor Palpatine]

People who read a lot of books where they use that word.

[Bretsch]

The *Icecapades*

[Emperor Palpatine]

Glaciers are an interesting geological phenomenon, aren't they?

[Bretsch]

Only when seen from afar.......

[Emperor Palpatine]

Natural disasters are unfortunate, and they can't be stopped or controlled.

[Bretsch]

Lets tame an earthquake

[Emperor Palpatine]

Okay, I'll put a leash on it, and you give it orders.

[Bretsch]

Jump!

[Emperor Palpatine]

Did you deploy the parachute yet? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif

[MXCABRINI]

I need no parachute, i just need the force

[Seanakin]

If the herd keeps bleating that line about a parachute, like a mind, working best when open, then how come people continue to jump out of airplanes with CLOSED parachutes?

[Kapit]

to die

[Seanakin]

I assume you've not seen Die Another Day, in which it was demonstrated what can happen when one jumps from a flying aircraft with his chute ALREADY open.

Like most of the movie, it wasn't pretty.

[Kapit]

i want the watch and the bond car from that movie

[Seanakin]

I hear ya, those flix have the BEST damn gadgets. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif

[Kapit]

speaking of gadgets, halle berry's...ahem

[PrincessJoJo]

But shes not the best bond babe ever.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Inspector Gadget has a lot of gadgets, but he doesn't know how to use them.

[Kapit]

go gadget post!

[Emperor Palpatine]

Where's that button? I can't seem to find it.

[Kapit]

next to the "go gadget oil slick" button

[Emperor Palpatine]

Oil is costly today, and that is why OPEC raises the prices of gas.

[Kapit]

i still use oil slicks daily

[Emperor Palpatine]

I did an oil check on my car yesterday because I felt like doing it.

[Kapit]

i can't see my car until friday

[Emperor Palpatine]

T.G.I Friday's is a pretty good restaurant.

[Bretsch]

And Fridays are allways good days for being eating at restaurants

[Emperor Palpatine]

It's fun to see movies and shop on Fridays with friends as well.

[Bretsch]

Any day is a good day for movies. Specially wednsadays, since it's 2x1 in Mexico

[Emperor Palpatine]

Wednesday, May 18, is an especially good day to see movies.

[Bretsch]

I rather go on the 19th. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif

[Greedo Boy]

But today is the 26th... and it's only Tuesday!!

[Bretsch]

Whose day?

[Greedo Boy]

The 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year in the 13th milennium...!!

[Kommandant Felix]

Aye??

[Greedo Boy]

You're not Irish!!

[Bretsch]

So that's what makes it undeniably the most interesting date, if it came to be

[Kommandant Felix]

Aye...mesa as irish as a pickle has legs.

[Greedo Boy]

Since it coudn't possibly exist...

[Bretsch]

Unless, we rearrange the calendar, completely.

I say, lets dump mondays and make it a 15 months long year.

[Kommandant Felix]

I LIKE IT!!!

[Bretsch]

No mondays, thats all I ask for

[Emperor Palpatine]

If everyday was Friday, then we would have nothing to look forward to.

[Greedo Boy]

We shall make something to look forward to.

[lordmakalpine]

Lets just make every day friday, with different capitalizations for each day of the week. For example Friday, fRiday, frIday, ect. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif

[Greedo Boy]

That would cause mass pandemonium, I guarantee it.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Let's eliminate the names for each day of the week altogether.

[Greedo Boy]

That would be even worse. Everyone would die. Horribly. Nastily. Nastily and Horribly.

[Emperor Palpatine]

What must we do then to achieve victory?

[Greedo Boy]

Leave things alone...? Oh, and keep the peanut butter closed. Don't ever open it...!!

[Emperor Palpatine]

Better forget about the jelly and bread as well and move on to other things.

[Bretsch]

.....moving on.......moving on...........oh! where do you want me to put this?

[Jedi_Poo]

With the butter and jelly.

[Bretsch]

To the left or to the right, or just in between?

[Jedi_Poo]

Upside down and all over

[Bretsch]

So, this is were they keep their cookies, eh?

[Jedi_Poo]

Yes, as well as there chocolate paper.

[Bretsch]

I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like

[Greedo Boy]

I never liked a piece of chocolate I didn't meet.

[Horse_Head]

Skittles RULE!

[Emperor Palpatine]

Candy is awesome, but what they don't tell you is that most of it comes from the same company.

[Bretsch]

Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?

[Emperor Palpatine]

^CEOs of major companies that have fallen may ask themselves the same question.

[Bretsch]

But nobody answers

[Emperor Palpatine]

No one answers the question because nobody has an answer to it.

[Greedo Boy]

That or the answer just isn't worth giving.

[Emperor Palpatine]

If giving the answer isn't worth it, then the question should not have been asked in the first place.

[Greedo Boy]

The question was obviously asked because the inquier was not aware that the answer was not worth being given. It is obvious that if he/she had been in possession of such knowledge, they never would have asked in the first place.

[Emperor Palpatine]

The use of logic in a confusing situation can make a person see the inherent truth in their own words.

[Greedo Boy]

Such a statement is undeniably not untrue.

[Bretsch]

Any man who knows all the answers most likely misunderstood the questions

[Greedo Boy]

Though one must wonder if he even knows the questions at all...?

[Emperor Palpatine]

Perhaps the man knew all of the questions, and misunderstood the answers.

[Bretsch]

When its a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.

[Greedo Boy]

When it comes to the religion of money, many of us are athiests.

[Emperor Palpatine]

It is said that "money is the root of all evil", but shouldn't the phrase be that "evil is the root of all money"?

[Bretsch]

"There are no atheists in foxholes" isn't an argument against atheism, it's an argument against foxholes

[Greedo Boy]

Money doesn't grow on trees.

[Emperor Palpatine]

The continued existence of trees depends on how much money one has, and if they wish to construct a building where the trees are located.

[Greedo Boy]

Trees will become rather pointless if they all end up encased in concrete.

[Emperor Palpatine]

The elimination of trees would cause a decrease in the oxygen level on Earth.

[Greedo Boy]

And, predictably, just about all life would be wiped out.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Without trees, life would not exist, and we would have no knowledge of the Force.

[Bretsch]

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it

[Emperor Palpatine]

What about the bison? Is he a member of the family, along with the dogs, camel, and cow?

[Bretsch]

You know...The inlaws style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/giveup.gif

[Emperor Palpatine]

We just have to pretend we like them... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ok.gif

[Bretsch]

Oh, but I really do, they make for great sweaters

[Emperor Palpatine]

Of course, sweaters are warm and comfy, but their personalities aren't.

[Bretsch]

That's why I allways prefer a poncho

[Emperor Palpatine]

Pancho Villa...*shudders* style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/boxed.gif

[Bretsch]

A blanketlike cloak having a hole in the center for the head.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Cloak of Deception, for all its political intrigue, was one of the best Prequel books that I have read.

[Bretsch]

I didn't, but I think I will

[Emperor Palpatine]

If I have the ability to do it, then it is likely that you will see it done very soon.

[Bretsch]

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

[Greedo Boy]

Everybody who's alive loves the 'Off Topic' Thread... I think.

[Bretsch]

I'm alive, and loving it!

[Emperor Palpatine]

^Does the Creator of the 'Off-Topic' Thread love his creation?

[Greedo Boy]

Eh, old news.

Of course I do. Even if I may someday have to destroy it to save what's left...!!

[Bretsch]

I've got an idea: Lets not.

[Greedo Boy]

Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?

[Emperor Palpatine]

Why don't we create The 'Off-Topic' Thread Part Deux?

[Bretsch]

I'm beginig to feel scared

[Emperor Palpatine]

Don't move, Bretsch. Someone could get hurt... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif

[Bretsch]

I don't want to loose another limb........Not again, please!

[Emperor Palpatine]

It's not me you should be worried about... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/no.gif

[Bretsch]

I know, and I belive he's gone

[Emperor Palpatine]

The Creator has left, but he may return, so keep your lightsaber in hand. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif

[Bretsch]

Will do......... In which hand, by the way?

[Emperor Palpatine]

Whichever hand you feel you can duel with the best. Here is an example:

Step 1: style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/saber.gif

Step 2: style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/duel.gif

[Bretsch]

Fastest Jedi class ever.........Most have been pretty similar to Luke's style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Emperor Palpatine]

Whichever lightsaber form you use in your duel, may the Force be with you. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/y.gif

[Bretsch]

The pen is mightier than the sword

[Emperor Palpatine]

Creativity plays a part in both writing and dueling, though you have more time to think when using a pen.

[Bretsch]

The strokes of the pen need deliberation as much as the sword needs swiftness

[Jedi_Poo]

Strokes...hehe, he said strokes

[Bretsch]

I like the strokes

[Emperor Palpatine]

I stroke lightly with my paintbrush when I'm painting.

[Jedi_Poo]

I paint with my toes.

[Emperor Palpatine]

I can't paint any coherent pictures with my toes, unfortunately.

[Bretsch]

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it

[Emperor Palpatine]

If you painted a picture of the world, you would leave out of the small details that make it unique.

[Bretsch]

We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups.

[Emperor Palpatine]

People generalize about groups of persons based upon the actions of one individual.

[Bretsch]

To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task

[Emperor Palpatine]

Does making an individual uncomfortable create a sense of uneasiness among the group they belong to?

[Bretsch]

Chaos in the world brings uneasiness, but it also allows the opportunity for creativity and growth.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Thankfully, by taking honors and advanced placement classes at school, my creativity and growth are not being hindered.

[Bretsch]

It's quite noticable

[Emperor Palpatine]

I have had my driver license for one year.

[Bretsch]

Any accidents so far?

[Emperor Palpatine]

Erm...I hit my friend's bumper by accident four months after I got my license, but his bumper was steel, so thankfully no damage was done. That's it, though. No speeding tickets, traffic violations, citations, or any of that stuff. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohwell.gif

[Bretsch]

Good, but a bit boring.........I totally destroyed a car just 6 months after geting my license, it was not much fun.

[Emperor Palpatine]

^Ouch. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/butbut.gif

I eat too much food, but I'm thin, tall, and am slightly underweight for my age.

[Bretsch]

The taller the bamboo grows, the lower it bends.

[Emperor Palpatine]

The less the bamboo grows, the higher it bends.

[Bretsch]

Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Windsurfing is a fun water sport- too bad I haven't tried it yet.

[Bretsch]

You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf

[Emperor Palpatine]

I do not have enough coordination and balance to learn to surf, but I think I could eventually learn to windsurf.

[mirax terrik horn]

coordination is a hard thing to learn, most ppl don't even bother learning.

[Emperor Palpatine]

I've haven't bothered to learn the coordinates of various points on sine and cosine waves because I'm too lazy.

[mirax terrik horn]

Wow I am too lazy to learn what sine and cosine actually is.

[Emperor Palpatine]

I'm too lazy to learn anything in school that I personally don't see as beneficial. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif

[leiaorgana]

^SOmehow that sounds familiar to me...style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Jedi_Poo]

Stay off topic, Stay off topic, ARRGGGHHHH!!!!

[leiaorgana]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jedi_poo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so good to see you my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hugs jedi_poo's leg

[Jedi_Poo]

That was off topic, but okay.

Its been forever since I heard from you last. *hugs leiao's...umm...will not let mind go to gutter... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sly.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/grins.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohhlala.gif

[leiaorgana]

^ style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rofl.gif

Hehey... what do you know...?

[Jedi_Poo]

Nothing more than the last time I talked to you.

[Emperor Palpatine]

The last time I talked to someone was today.

[Jedi_Poo]

Someone talk to me, or my head will turn into pudding.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Too late! Could someone please bring me a spoon and bowl?

[Greedo Boy]

What about the Cow, man? Isn't anybody thinking of the Cow?!

[Emperor Palpatine]

The cow has been replaced by a camel, and now a bison.

[Greedo Boy]

What about the cheeeeeeeeese?

[Emperor Palpatine]

It spoiled because no one was eating it, so I threw it away.

[Greedo Boy]

But then the trash can will suffer... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cry.gif

[Emperor Palpatine]

And so will the garbage men who empty the trash can... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/barf.gif

[Greedo Boy]

And when they get home it will be their families that do the suffering.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Their families will "suffer" right back into the trash can, and the process starts all over again.

[Greedo Boy]

Thus is apple juice made.

[Emperor Palpatine]

I prefer orange juice over apple juice.

[Greedo Boy]

Pineapple always did tickle my fancy...

[Emperor Palpatine]

Grape juice is decent, but it doesn't rank very high with the rest of the breakfast beverages.

[Greedo Boy]

Chillers now, those are some good fruit drinks.

[Emperor Palpatine]

I tell anyone who drinks too many fruit drinks to chill out. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif

[Greedo Boy]

Chillaxation... how dumb is that??

[Emperor Palpatine]

If it is not a word, then one must assume that it is dumb.

[leiaorgana]

I think I'm dumb ..or maybe just happy..

[Greedo Boy]

I think you are wrong about that 1st part.

[leiaorgana]

Think I'm just happy

*hugs GB :hugs:

[Emperor Palpatine]

It's fun to hug people when they aren't expecting it.

[Bretsch]

A hug is the perfect gift; one size fits all, and nobody minds if you exchange it.

[mirax terrik horn]

Hey that is a cool way of saying that you'd rather have a hug than money.

[Jedi_Poo]

Show me the honey!!!

[Bretsch]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif You aren't wealthy until you have something money can't buy.

[Kommandant Felix]

Wanna Bet?
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/devil.gif

[Bretsch]

I don't think so. You're scarry

[Jedi_Poo]

I just wet myself.

[Greedo Boy]

Clean up on Aisle Three!

[Jedi_Poo]

Four as well

[leiaorgana]

How about three?

[mazzy]

I think I hav said this before but three is the magic number...

[Jedi_Poo]

Ohhh...magic number.

[Emperor Palpatine]

34 is one of my favorite number, but I don't think it's magical.

[Jedi_Poo]

The troll that lives in the toilet in the park is magical.

[Bretsch]

What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick

[Jedi_Poo]

He said stick.

[Bretsch]

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

[Jedi_Poo]

Crooked is the crook that steals.

[Bretsch]

...to crooked eyes truth may wear a wry face.

[Emperor Palpatine]

If the eyes are crooked, then chances are, most of the rest of their body is crooked as well.

[Bretsch]

I'm not handsome in the classical sense. The eyes droop, the mouth is crooked, the teeth aren't straight, the voice sounds like a Mafioso pallbearer, but somehow it all works.

[Greedo Boy]

No one knows Polio like I do.

[Bretsch]

please to meet you, what did you said your name was?

[Greedo Boy]

I don't think you quite understood me, good sir...

[Tos Corath]

Just give me some sympathy and some taste

[Siri Ruane]

That'll be $5, please.

[Jedi_Poo]

That's an outrage.

[Bretsch]

Not considering the service, which was just awfull

[Jedi_Poo]

You make me wanna barf.

[Bretsch]

That function typically involves many layers of .....

[Jedi_Poo]

Bark

[Bretsch]

As in...... "Bark my words lady"

[Jedi_Poo]

Yep, that to.

[Bretsch]

It was lights, camera, inaction.

[Jedi_Poo]

Inanimate objects rule.

[Bretsch]

It's a lot more like a dictatorship, wouldn't you agree.

[Jedi_Poo]

No, it is elementary.

[Emperor Palpatine]

I didn't like elementary school at all- I was bored all day, every day.

[Jedi_Poo]

*in the creepy tone of voice of the little boy in Pet Cemetary* I played!

[Emperor Palpatine]

I played with my sister's mind, and I easily won.

[Jedi_Poo]

Now that is creepy!!!

[Emperor Palpatine]

MENSA plays with people's minds too, but they nearly always win.

[Bretsch]

I'm a natural whiner.. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue2.gif

[Greedo Boy]

Nobody likes a sore loser.

[Emperor Palpatine]

What about a healthy loser? A sore winner? A healthy winner?

[Jedi_Poo]

No, a happy disappoinment

[Bretsch]

not likely

[Jedi_Poo]

very unlikely, but mostly a lie

[Bretsch]

A fly, you say?

[Jedi_Poo]

it fell in my soup and I ate it.

[Bretsch]

Pure Protein! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/barf.gif

[Jedi_Poo]

that what it did.

[Bretsch]

Did you know that:

The word naughty at one time was an all-purpose word similar to bad. During the 16th century one could use naughty to mean “unhealthy, unpleasant, bad (with respect to weather), vicious (of an animal), inferior, or bad in quality”

[Kommandant Felix]

http://fun.drno.de/flash/BigRedButton.swf
Go here!!!

[Bretsch]

Good, but........Does it come in other colors?

[Jedi_Poo]

That was funny

[Bretsch]

Yes, yes...........but what about it in blue?

[Jedi_Poo]

it did after about 12 dozen clicks.

[Bretsch]

Is it just me or we're just paying way too much attention to a simple red button?

[Jedi_Poo]

No, we are totally amazed by one little red button.

[Emperor Palpatine]

Actually, I prefer blue buttons over red buttons, but a button's a button, right?