Things a Sith Would Never Say

[Rogue_0009]

Post something a sith wouldn't say like

Maul:Sorry to be late
Sidious: That allright I was about to sit down and have tea and crumpets, won't you join me.
or...
Let's go to K-mart and buy the Martha Stewart Living collection

[Obi-Stu]

Palpatine to Vader : "I thought I told you to remain on the
command ship?"
Vader : " I know but it was so cold and...lonely."

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blush.gif

[maddog62]

Tarkin just pours a cup of coffie for Vader. (Vader) has anybody scene my silly straw.

[Darth Arraics]

Palpatine to Vader: I love you man!

[Tovor]

Vader to the captain of the Avenger, after it lost track of the Falcon,
"At least you tried your best. *I appreciate your efforts."

Palpatine to Vader,
"I've drawn you up a pension plan, so if you ever decide to retire you will be well taken care of."

Luke,
"I'll never turn to the dark side, your highness. *I am a Jedi, like my father before me."
Palpy: "Gadzooks, foiled again! *Oh well, you can't say I didn't try. *You are a man with honor, young Luke, a better man than I am. *I'm sorry I held you up for so long."

Darth Maul to Viceroy Gunray on Naboo,
"I've been asked by my master to come here and help you in any way I can. *Is there anything I can get you? *Coffee, tea, shine your shoes?"

[Jedi Princess]

Darth Maul "Does my lightsaber match my outfit? I mean black is supposed to go with everything right?"

[maddog62]

Han to Chewie on Tatoonie; Stay away from the Twilek Prostitutes now Chewie or at least make it look like you are trying. Chewie;gerrr Han; I don't now, just drive casual.No I don't have a 20.

[AlanRJ]

Vader: Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans and bring me the passengers, I have a few jokes to tell !!

[Winston_Sith]

Palpatine to Yoda in the Supreme Chancellor's office:

P: Master Yoda, do you really think it will come to war?
Y: The Dark Side clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is.
PALPATINE snaps.
P: Um... Hello! I am the one who is clouding your vision! And... oh, yes... it *will come to war, I can assure you!! Oh, and by the way... ten years ago, you only killed the Sith apprentice; the Master, yours truly, is alive and well. Your pitiful Order is running out of time. Soon your Chosen One will turn to the Dark Side and ...
YODA, MACE WINDU and the rest of the JEDI COUNCIL stare at PALPATINE, aghast.
P: Oh... did I just say that out loud? Er... send in the Loyalist Commitee!

[bodhisattva yoda]

emperor to vader: where are you going?
vader: out.
emperor: where?
vader: just out! jeez!
emperor: don't forget your coat!
vader: obi-wan never made me where a coat.
emperor: and look where he ended up. it's chilly. bring a coat. and be back by nine.
vader: but obi-wan-
emperor: nine o'clock! end of discussion! don't make me force spank you.
vader: *sigh* yes, master...

[Rogue_0009]

My sis came up with this:

Vader:What do you think of my new shoes? are they too black? Do you think I should have gone with the pink ones?
Palpy:No, they are just absolutly fantabulous! Do you think I should buy some wrinkle creme?
Vader: No the old, wrinkled, and decrepid look is soo in this season, I mean look at Yoda isn't he just drop dead gorgeous? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/flirt.gif

[obi1kenobi]

When Luke helps Vader take off his mask:

LUKE: Father...
VADER: Yes, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!

[Winston_Sith]

Maul (hiding behind the couch) to Sidious (hiding under the coffee table):

<doorbell rings>

Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi... this surprise party for Master Windu is gonna ROCK!!! Do you think he'll like the banana-yellow Jedi robe I got him? I think it'll look SO good with his purple lightsaber...
Sidious: You have made a wise choice, my young apprentice... think how great those will look with the aquamarine utility belt I got him...

[Winston_Sith]

Sidious to Gunray (on Dofine's simpering):

Viceroy, I do not want this stunted slime in my sight again! Because, hey, he's absoluetly correct. This was all a HUGE mistake. I don't know what I was thinking. <slaps his hologramatic head> STUPID! All I can say is, withdraw your droid ships and go the hell home. I shall not contact you again. Sorry... Don't try calling me either, I have Holo-ID and I won't answer. Farewell, Viceroy.

[Obi-Wan]

Darth Maul: What are you doing Lord Sidious?

Darth Sidious: I thought I would bake a cake for your Mother.

Darth Maul: That is so sweet. She will love it.

[Master Jason]

Vader to the Emperor in TESB: *What is thy bidding my master?

Emperor: *We have a new enemy Luke Skywalker. I really don't want him to be my enemy. Ever since you killed all the other Jedi there just hasn't been anyone to talk to about my force feelings. *And nobody to go clubbing with either. You're no fun because you always choke somebody while they are taking a drink. Why can't you just hit them with a weak bolt of lighting in the butt to scare them or something.

Vader: *But he's just a boy. He couldn't possibly get into clubs with you. He's not evil enough to have the kind of fun we have. If he could be turned he could become a wonderful companion.

Emperor: *Can it be done? Don't pressure him. I always feel like I'm pushing people around and it makes me feel bad.

Vader: *He will join us or maybe we could get that one chick that hangs out with Han Solo. She's hot.

[Winston_Sith]

The Emperor: Your friends have failed. Now, witness the power of this fully armed and operational bubble-blowing machine!!! Fire at will, Commander. Hee hee. Bubbles are just delightful!

[Queen 'Onna]

Maul:but master I can't kill him.
Palpy:why
Maul:because I think he is nice he is doing any thing wrong.
Palpy:you know you are right.why don't you give him a nice new car.
Maul:thank you master I knew you ware a nice person.

[Kit]

(Emperor Palpatine comes out of the Imperial Ship in ROTJ)
Palpetine: Vader! For God's sake these troops cannot wear white! It's after Labor day!

[Rebel Astromech Droid]

Vader:What do you think of the helmet? Does it make me look fat?
Palpy:Of course not it looks delightful it actually makes you look thiner.
Vader:Why thank you master.
Palpy:Allways a pleasure lord Vader.

[Darth Drew]

Maul:Does my double lightsaber make my butt look big?
Palpy:No.

[maddog62]

Obi-Wan has taught you well, oh wait I new I should have took some Mylanta. Got to change them draws as soon as I kill you.

[Darth Whaler]

A Sith would never say (insert any curse word here)

:)

[Winston_Sith]

Tyranus: Master, after my last encounter with the Jedi I can inform you that they are weak and...
Sidious: Now, that's just not nice, my apprentice.
Tyranus: ...only the feeble efforts of Master Yoda...
Sidious: Master Yoda? Feeble? Maybe, but he's really cool to party with.
Tryanus: ...could save Kenobi and young Skywalker...
Sidious: What did you do to Obi-Wan?! He's the coolest Jedi ever! I'm getting really upset.
Tyranus: ...from being crushed. Did I mention I cut off Anakin's forearm?
Sidious: That's it! I'm sending you to your room! I don't know how I'm gonna punish you for this, but I promise you: you won't soon forget it!
Tyranus: But Master, I'm older than you...
Sidious: Not another word. To your room!
Tyranus: I'm gonna tell the Jedi your true identity! Just watch!
TYRANUS runs upstairs. <door slams>

[Winston_Sith]

The Emperor talks to Luke about his lightsaber in the Death Star throne room:

The Emperor: Ah, yes, a Jedi's weapon. Much like your father's. By now you must know that violence is just plain naughty. Do you want to end up like my apprentice here? Come on, Anakin... I mean "Vader", he's your boy, talk some sense into him.

Vader: (laughs nervously) He's right, Luke.

The Emperor: You listen to your father! I'd hate to see a nice lad like yourself end up in some terrible tragedy because I didn't do everything in my power to avert it. You guys are like family to me. That's how much I care. God only knows how much I tried to help your father when Obi-...

A light on the arm of THE EMPEROR'S throne flashes.

The Emperor: (into the com-link) What is it?

The voice of the reply is too low for either LUKE or VADER to hear.

The Emperor: (suddenly grinning ear-to-ear) Anakin, I have such good news! Luke, your mother is on her was to meet you!

Vader and Luke: (simultaneously) SHE'S ALIVE?!?!

The Emperor: OH, MY GOD, Yes! Wonderful, isn't it? I too, thought she was dead all these years, but I got a weird number on my pager last week, and when I called to check it out, it was her. She said she found my number in an old Senate scrapbook, or something like that, and even though she wasn't sure if it was still working or not, thought she'd give it a shot, for old time's sake, ya know? Anyway, she said she's been stranded on... Oh. no! That's not fair! She can fill you in on all the minutia, herself, when she gets here. And, by the way; I know that this little family reunion of yours will be a highly personal moment for you all, so I'll just retire to my quarters for a while, while you three catch up... toodles!

The EMPEROR heads for the door, flanked by two red-robed IMPERIAL ROYAL GUARDS.

The Emperor: (to self) I just love helping people... I can't wait till see the expression on Leia's face when I tell HER!

THE EMPEROR begins humming "Lean On Me".

[Rinc]

LUKE: Your thoughts betray you father, i feel the good in you, the conflict.

VADER: Who told you?

LUKE: You couldn't bring yourself to kill me before and i don't believe you'll do it now.

VADER: Yep you got me again. How do you do it? You're not hacking into my brain are you? Can you teach me how you do it? Crappy Palpatines never done that, he just sits in his chair all day frying rats with his fingers.

[Mookel1138]

Vader: "Luke, I am your father."
Luke: "NO! THAT's IMPOSSIBLE!"
Vader: "No, for real, son! I'm being honest."
Luke: "Really?"
Vader: "Yeah, son! It's just; the Emperor wasn't paying me enough to support a child when you were born, so I had to give you up for adoption. I'm so sorry."
Luke: "Owen never really was the father kinda guy."
Vader: "It's OK now, son. Now, we can play football in the park, play catch in the yard, conquer whole planetary systems, and choke underlings together!"
Luke: "ALRIGHT!"

[glorfindel]

Palpy to Luke on the death star

P: You will join the dark side!!!
L: what's in it for me?
P: well, you get great medical, just look at you're father!! have you got any idea what it cost's for a six month overhall on that body?
L: No, what else do I get?
P: you also get a free, souvenir T-shirt which has printed on it "I became a sith and all I got was this crappy T-shirt"

[Winston_Sith]

Originally posted by glorfindel@Aug. 12 2002 - 00:07

"Only now, at the end, do you understand... how much I care for you. <sob>"

[Mann]

The one thing a Sith would never say:

Join the Dark side Jar Jar!

[Rogue_0009]

Darth Maul: Y'know maybe we shouldn't resort to violence to solve our differences with the Jedi, maybe we should go grab a beer and talk this thing over.

Palpy: You're right man, lets call Yoda and Mace and go shoot some pool

[bodhisattva yoda]

"i don't think so!"

oh wait...

[Winston_Sith]

Darth Sidious to Nute Gunray on the Federation Warship, concerning the arrival of the Jedi Ambassadors:

Sidious: The Chancellor should not have brought them into this. I told him this was strictly an R.S.V.P. affair! Now I have to cook for two more people than I had planned for, and I'm way over budget as it is. Stall them somehow; give them some twinkies, or whatever you have in your vending machines downstairs, till I can figure something out.
Gunray: But, my Lord, is that proper Etiquette?
Sidious: I will make it proper Etiquette.

[Angel Starmaster]

VADAR: Tear this ship apart and find me that Grey Pupon!

STORMTROOPER; But of course, Sir.

[Winston_Sith]

DARTH VADER & THE EMPEROR walk up the loading ramp of an Imperial shuttle preparing to embark to Coruscant, the Capital World of the Empire:

Darth Vader: Shotgun!
The Emperor: Drat! You *always get shotgun... <grumble>.

[obi1kenobi]

VADER: I find your lack of faith disturbing...I'd better talk it over with my counsellor!

[Winston_Sith]

Imperial Commander: She'll die before she betrays the Rebellion.
Darth Vader: Don't say that! We don't want to harm her. Don't worry, she'll tell us where the hidden Rebel base is, if we keep asking her nicely.

[DblDwn]

The Emperor to Vader: "Will you hurry up with the popcorn and the wine coolers? The N'Sync concert on Disney is about to begin."

[Rinc]

MAUL: At last we will reveal ourselves to the jedi, at last we will have revenge.

SIDIOUS: I'm sorry, what did you say? Revenge? I'm just looking to earn some money son, you know, a bit of extortion. I'm not actually going to kill anyone. Thats illegal.

MAUL: I will make it legal.

SIDIOUS: Thats another thing i wanted to tell you. I'm giving up this political stuff. Its too confusing have separate identities. I'm just gonna relax, lie down and have a cup of tea.

[Handothrawn]

"Mommy, why won't any of the other kids play with me?"

[DblDwn]

Luke to the Emperor: "Your over-confidence is your weakness."

Emperor: "Sticks and stones may break my bones..........."

[DblDwn]

Darth Maul: "At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge."

He begins to undress

Darth Sidious: "What are you doing?"

Maul: "Preparing to reveal myself."

Sidious: "Oh goodness gracious me not again..............."

[Winston_Sith]

Luke: (to the Emperor) You've failed, your Highness. I will never turn to the dark side. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.
The Emperor: A Jedi! Whadda ya know? (The Emperor begins to crouch cowardly, and raises his hands in surrender) Muy give up! Muy give up!

[Darth Darthy]

"Mind if I borrow your tutu?"

[Mann]

Maul: Master, where did you put my headgear?

[Winston_Sith]

Stickers you'd never see on the back of Darth Maul's Sith Interceptor:

"Visualize Galactic Peace."

Or,

"No Jesus, No Peace/Know Jesus, Know Peace."

Or,

"Tatooed White Trash."

Or,

"Mean People Suck."

Or,

"Smile, your Mom was PRO-LIFE!"

Or,

"GREENPEACE"

[maddog62]

I am Darth Vader, your Dark Lord of the Sith and for now on you will only speak when spoken to, and the first and last words out of you filthy sewers will be Lord. Do you woprats understand this? Lord Yes Lord. If you leave my Planet if you servive recruit training you will be a minister of death preying for war. But untill ten you are slaymos your not evenhuman being your only grabastic pieces of fodder. Do you womprats understand this. Lord Yes Lord. Whats you name scumbag? Lord Private Motti Lord. Motti that sounds like royalty are you royalty.....

Full Metal Blaster

[Kit]

(Count Dooku looks upon Padme, Anakin, and Obi-Wan being secured to the posts in the Geonosis Arena): "Call me a traitor will you Obi-Wan? Well look at you now! Sticks and stones may break my bones... but wipes and chains just excite me..."

[take my quotes meaning as you may]

[Thanks for the inspiration DblDwn]

[Winston_Sith]

Darth Vader: I sense something. A presence I have not felt since... Why, that old ******* owes me 10 credits!

DARTH VADER, suddenly consumed by blind rage, ignites his lightsaber and rushes up the ramp, into the MILLENNIUM FALCON.

Darth Vader: Obi-Wan! Master Kenobi! I know you're in here! I want my stinkin' cash!

[DblDwn]

Vader: "I smell something. Something I have not smelled since..............I can't quite put my finger on it but..........Metamucil.............Obi-Wan is near."

[Kit]

(Maul and Sidious march around in their cloaks with wooden boards in their hands chanting)

Pie Jesu Domine, dona eis requiem (simultaneously they hit themselves with their boards upside the head)....

[Ferarri pit droid]

Vader: Once I was the learner, Now I am the Master

Kenobi: Only a master of evil darth

Vader: Your powers have grown weak old man and you look like crap.

Kenobi: if you strike me down, you can have my clothes so you can look like a hounorable HJedi once more style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/saber.gif

[Kit]

(Grand Moff Tarkin stands infront of his troops as they recite the US Pledge of Allegiance)

Troops: ... and to the Republic, for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisable...

(Vader storms into the room)

Vader: *My goodness, Tarkin! *These men *cannot say that word! *They are to be indiviuals! *They have the right to have their own religion! *They cannot say that word!

Tarkin: *"What word?"

Vader: *That word that I cannot say, nor anyone else in this battle station!

Tarkin: My god!

(Vader falls to the floor in a fetal position hands over his head shouting)

Vader: Stop it, stop it, stop it!

-------------------------------------------------------------------
[I mean no offense to anyone at all]

[Winston_Sith]

Emperor Palpatine: Youssa doin' grand, Anakin...
Anakin: Oh, no no...
Emperor Palpatine: Youssa crunchen da Separatists when youssa slayen Count Dooku...
Anakin: Oh, no no...
Emperor Palpatine: Meessa maken youssa bombad Sith Lord.
Anakin: Sith Lord!? Oh... (Anakin involuntarily rolls his eyes back into his head, faints and falls to the ground)
Emperor Palpatine: Hahahahaha...

[maddog62]

Vader in Tarkins meeting.

Your lack of fai. who got White Castle with out asking everyone else?

[Winston_Sith]

Vader and Sidious (in unison):

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, schlemiel, schlimazel, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated! ..."

Begin theme song.

[Kit]

(Darth Maul walks into a class of Dark Jedi...)

Maul (in a prim and proper voice): *Good Morning, pupils; is it not?

Class (in unison): Good morning, Mr. Maul!

[I know, not the best, but a Sith wouldn't say it]

[Angel Starmaster]

(Vader chases Luke through the first Death Star's trenches)

"The Force is strong with this one. And darn it all, he just won't sit still long enough for me to squeeze off a good shot! Ah, to heck wit this, we don't need this Death Star thing anyway. Come'on guys, let's go find a Starbucks. The Latte's are on me tonight."

[maddog62]

A young pupil Vader to Palpatine: Since we are both here, doesn't it make it our time?

[Darth Vegas]

Apprentice to Master-

"You know Master, I was thinking maybe I could make the decisions from here on. It would give you more time to relax, and you wouldn't be so worried about the fleet and(lightning strikes)........................uhauaahaaa yaahahahhaa".

[maddog62]

Ray Parks getting ready with Ewan for the Final Duel; Lemon Face, Lion Face, Lemon Face Lion Face.

[bodhisattva yoda]

'hey man, can you pass me some toilet paper. this stall is all out. hello....? would someone please help me out? ....hello...!?'

[maddog62]

No R2 I think Tom Cruse is a much better actor than Mark Walburg. Where do you think you are going? What makes you think we should go that way? It's much to rocky I am going this way.

[bodhisattva yoda]

in your ear, jedi jerks!

[Winston_Sith]

Maul: (looking at his tatooed face in the mirror) Ya know what, Master? I'm thinking of having this crap removed... What do you think?

Sidious: Hmmm. That's a good idea, my young apprentice. I'm sick to death of how you scare small children and animals just walking down the street. It's so embarassing.

Maul: So, you think I should do it, Master?

Sidious: Yes. I saw an ad for a place that does that kind of thing. I'll call them tomorrow... right after 'the View'... and I'll also find out what they can do about those unspeakable horns of yours, my young apprentice.

Maul: Yes, Master.

[Darth Opinionated]

Vader to Palpatine: "Master I have to go pee, could we end this duel for now, I just really don't wanna go all over the clean floor".

Palpatine replies: "No you imbasile, the pee will make him slip,. then the duel would be over".

Vader: "But Master, he's my son, I wouldn't want to hurt his precious little head. You know I love you don't you son".

Luke to Vader: "Of course I do dad, but don't you remember, he's defenseless, if you leave now I'll just strike him down".

Palpatine: "You know the kid does have a point there. But you know what, I'll just call back my gaurds, you may go pee, but make it quick, and wash your hands"!!!!!

Vader:"Yes my Master".

Luke: "You know, I need to go, too".

Palpatine: "Oh dear, here we go again. You're just gonna have to wait your turn".

Luke: "I just did".

[Winston_Sith]

A sign you would never see in front of Darth Sidious' secret hideout:

"KID ZONE - 25 MPH"

Because, even the Sith aren't *that evil. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

[Darth Opinionated]

Darth Maul to Palpatine: "Master, this halloween make-up is making my face itch".

[Darth Opinionated]

Back to the throne room in ROTJ....


Palpatine to Luke- "Damn it boy, why don't you just turn!!!!!!!!!!!! This taking too :censored: long"!!!!!!!!!!

[Jedi Master Babi Blu]

maul: "Palps hand me some tp I need to wipe".

Palps: did you go number 1 or 2? 'cause it sure stinks in here,to bad my quarters has a tolite 'cause we don't have a bathroom".

[DblDwn]

On the Death Star in ANH sitting around the table with all of the other officers;

Vader- "Hi, my name is Darth Vader and I'm an alcoholic."

Everyone else in unison- "Hi Darth........."

[freedom01851]

Vader: This cape doesn't make me look fat, does it?

[Winston_Sith]

"I have a bad feeling about this."

[bodhisattva yoda]

emperor: vader, it's time for my spunge bath.

vader: [shudder]

[Darth Vegas]

"Lord Maul, I hung my keys on the rack, oh wait there they are right on your top horn. You are a godd apprentice Lord Maul, good for so many things".

[BlueSaber]

Palp: Vadey, do you think these pink fishnet stockings go well with this orange mini-skirt?

Vader: oh, dahling, you look absolutely FABULOUS! You know what? You should wear that LOVELY acid green croptop and the aquamarine high healed boots!

Palp: Thanks Vadey! *kisses the air beside Vader's cheeks*

Vader: Palpy, hun? Have you seen my floral patterned body armour?

Palp: Sure, hun, it's hanging up in the sun room!

(Interpret this as you will)

[Darth Vegas]

HAHAHA style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif


Palps' to Vader- "You know I really like that Jar Jar Binks fellow".

[freedom01851]

Vader: Emporer, you shower leaks. Shall I fix it for you?

Emporer: Yes, grab your caulk and come with me into my bathroom.

Vader: As you wish my master.

Emporer: Now squeeze your caulk as hard as you can. I will not be satisfied until you plug every hole.

Vader: Yes my master.

[Jaina Solo Durron]

Vader: Luke, son, it's time we had a little talk

Luke: About what, Darth Vader, you evil Sith Lor- sorry, Dad?

Vader: Oh, the birds and bees, son...hang on, wrong galaxy, I meant the hawk-bats and the vornskrs

-JSD

[Darth Vegas]

Vader to Palpatine: "But I was going to the space station to pick up some power conveters!!!!!"

[Javen]

Palpatine:You know I could use a vacation, and a tan

Vader:Could I apply the sunscreen?

Dooku:I have a good feeling about this

[freedom01851]

Darth Fudd:

Be vairwee vairwee quiet, i'm hunting Jedi - huh huh huh huh

[maddog62]

Darth Earcle enters the Tantum 5 and trips in the door way. "Did I do that?"

[Dark Jedi]

Can I help You?

[BlueSaber]

Vader: Aw! What a cute little BUNNY!!! Palpy, can we keep him?!

Palp: I dunno, hun...

Vader: AWWW! Please!!!

Palp: Oh. all right!

Vader: Yay! I'm gonna call him Mister Floppy and I'm gonna love him and hug him and squeeze him into itty-bitty pieces!!! *skips off happily*

Palp: Just keep him away from Mister Tinkles!

[Darth Vegas]

Tarkin: "I thought pets were forbidden for a Sith?"

Palpy: "Attachment is forbidden, possession is forbid, keeping pets for the purpose of eating people, essential to a Sith's life, so you could say, we are encouraged to keep pets. Beware of the fluffy bunny rabbit."

Tarkin: "But's it's just a little bunny, how apsurd!!!!!"

Palpy: "That's no bunny rabbit, that's a monster."

Tarkin: "It's to cute too be a monster."

Palpy: "See for your self."

Tarkin walks toward the bunny: "Come here little cute fluffy bunny, come here. Oh your so cute" --- ahhhhhhH!H!!!!!!!Hhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/evil.gif

[BlueSaber]

Vader: Oh well DONE Mister Floppy! You killed that annoying git! *cuddles* Youare now a TRUE Sith!

Palp: Vadeykins, stop playing with Darth Floppy and help me apply this sunscrean.

Vader: Kay! *drops Darth Floppy*

Darth Floppy: *Looks pissy*

[JediKeri.]

From one Sith to another: I love ya Man!! *cries

[jediego]

Maul: OH, no. Damn.
Sidious: what now?
MAul: I broke myself a horn in the lightsaber practice again...
Sidious: don´t worry, it will grow back... (I should start looking for a new apprentice)

[Darth Vegas]

Vader: "Master if I may comment, I do not believe---

Palpatine: "The situation is that serious? No but I do Vader, I realize all to well that pizza gives you heartburn."

[Winston_Sith]

Vader: What is thy bidding, Master?
The Emperor: There is a great disturbance in the Force.
Vader: I have felt it.
The Emperor: Strange that I have not.
Vader: What? But you just said you felt it.
The Emperor: Felt what?
Vader: You just said, and I quote: "There is a great disturbance in the Force."
The Emperor: No I didn't.
Vader: Yes you did!
The Emperor: I did not!
Vader: You did, too!
The Emperor: Stop prattling on like this, my young apprentice. It's so far beneath you. Do not make me put you in your place.
Vader: Yes, Master. I apologize.
The Emperor: For what?
Vader: For what I said before.
The Emperor: What did you say before?
Vader: Something about "a great disturbance in the Force".
The Emperor: A disturbance in the Force? What complete rot!
Vader: Um... Well, actually, you brought it up, Master...
The Emperor: Are you sure your feelings on this matter are correct, Lord Vader?
Vader: I really don't know anymore...
The Emperor: Right. Now, let me tell you about this disturbance in the Force I felt...
Vader: STOP MESSING WITH ME!!!

[Darth Vegas]

Palpatine to Vader: "When gone am I, the last of Sith, will you be."

Vader: "Don't say that Master!!!!!!!! I love you!!!"

[Kit]

Vader: I want to learn the naughty ways of the force and become a Sith, like the several before me; I want to learn all of that crouching Tigger hidden Pooh, stuff.

[BlueSaber]

Palp: Vadey, hun, you know Neon Pink goes TERRIBLY with your complection!

Vader: I now...it's just that it's my favourite colour! And Darth Floppy likes it, don't you Darth Floppy? *sniffs*

Darth Floppy: *Nods, sadistic look in his eyes*

[Javen]

Vader to Palpitine:Why am I here? What is the meaning of the universe?

[Winston_Sith]

Darth Sidious: "We must accelerate our plans. Begin landing your troops... the parade begins in Theed in twenty minutes, and I want those droids in it. (sarcastically) 'Her Majesty,' (under his breath) yeah, right, Queen Amidala keeps calling me, like every five minutes, screeching, 'Where the devil-in-blue-jeans are those blasted droids?' I can't take it anymore... and I'm running out of excuses.... Hurry up, you stammering dolts! If we can't pull this one off, our reputation in the Galaxy will be flushed down the crapper, and this time, for good!"

[Yodas_toothpick]

Anyone for Boggle?

[Winston_Sith]

Clerk: "I'm sorry, sir, this line is for purchases of 10 items or less!"
Darth Sidious (staring intently at the front page of latest issue of the Galactic Enquirer): "Huh? Wha'... excuse me?"
Clerk: (points to an illuminated sign which reads "Express Checkout - 10 items or less")"You have more than 10 items. You'll have to go to another lane."
Darth Sidious: "Okey-doke." (grabs his items, walks away, and muses:) "Why won't those tabloid jerks just leave poor Britney alone? She seems like such a sweet girl... I think they're just jealous..."
Darth Vader: "Yes, Master."

[Darth Vegas]

After a brief squawble.............

Palpatine to Vader: "You complete me."

Vader: "You had me at hello."

[Winston_Sith]

Darth Vader: Admiral Ozzel didn't record Everyday Elegance for me?

General Veers: He thought Lifetime's offering at the same time would be more to your liking...

Darth Vader: He's a insensitive as he is stupid. (sniff) Now, I'll never see that episode, and I was SO looking forward to it. Damn him!

General Veers turns and leaves. The view screen lights up and shows Admiral Ozzel.

Admiral Ozzel: My lord, I have such a wonderful surprise for- (~choke~)

Darth Vader: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. Captain Piett call the cable company and find out exactly when they're going to rerun that episode. You're in charge of the remote now, Admiral Piett.

[Javen]

Vader:Yo what up Master P

Palpitine:Just chilling like Villian sucka

[Winston_Sith]

ROFL

'Master P'... I LOVE it!!!

[Winston_Sith]

Darth Vader: You don't know the power... of cheese.

[Winston_Sith]

Darth Vader: He will come to me?

The Emperor: Precisely. He will come to you, and then you will bring him before me. Then We'll all strip down, break out the Twister, and we'll have a blast. You'll see...

[Jedi D'oh]

after luke cuts vader's hand off

excellent! now......who wants a beer?

[Darth Vegas]

On the Death Star 2.....

Emporer: "If you will not be turned, then I'm gonna have to go straight."

Vader: "Don't say that Master, after all we've been through!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Emporer: "You're tight, I mean right. I could never go straight!!!!!!!!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!!"

Little do they know Luke is recording their little session.

Luke: "Hey fags!!!!!!!! I got you live on video feed right to Coruscant and every other Imperial Outpost!!!!!!!"

On Coruscant in "The Outlander Club"

Stormtroopers shave their heads in lamention morning this news, as everyone around them laughs, "I knew that's why he had us wear these damn helmets that we couldn't see out of, my ass hurts!!!!!!!"

[Jedi D'oh]

awwww.....look at the puppy!

[Winston_Sith]

"Hello, and welcome to McDonald's! My name is Maul, can I take your order?"

[maddog62]

Sidious is palpatine, palpatine is sidious, sidious is a man! The Crying Game playing in the background.

[Darth Vegas]

Palpatine:

"I love democracy..........(starts cracking up)........oh what the hell, it's just a gag I'm the Sith!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Javen]

Originally posted by jedi-d'oh@Oct 2 2002, 08:13 PM
after luke cuts vader's hand off

excellent! now......who wants a beer?
or could I give you hand.

[Darth Vegas]

This defineately something that will NEVER be said:


Palpatine to Anakin.......

"I am your father!"

[Winston_Sith]

Palpatine to Anakin.......

"I am your father!"

Well, ya never know...:

Darth Sidious: Vader! The hot tub's ready! Me and the girls won't wait much longer! ... or at least, I won't. (to Padme, as Sly Moore hangs all over him and sticks her tongue into his ear) Why are you with that loser, anyway?

[Darth Vegas]

Well I hope he does not say it, I will throw my popcorn. :mad:


Maul:

"Tatooine sucks ass master, I don't give a f*ck what you say I'm not going there, its too hot, my make-up will start streaming down my face."

Sidious:

"No you incolent foll, you're the sore thumb, you have to go at night, I'm sure your make-up will be fine, but I have a job for you to do right now that is sure to smear that stuff right off your face, you know what kind of job I speak of."

[Javen]

Darth Maul: I need another Tattoo.

[Winston_Sith]

Sidious: I'm thinking about getting my nipples pierced...

Maul: Yes, Master.

[Darth Vegas]

Maul: "Hey master you wanna go down to the tattoo parlor with me?"

[Winston_Sith]

Dooku: Master, I have those deathsticks you wanted...

Sidious: Excellent. Let's do this sh*t.

Dooku: Absolutely, Master.

(they try the deathsticks)

Sidious: Wait a g*ddam minute! These aren't deathsticks, they're cheesesticks!! I'm gonna kill that Sleazebaggano!!!

[Grand Moff Tarkin]

Vader: Luke. Luke, I am your sister.

Luke: No. NO! That's... just freaky.

[Darth Vegas]

Palpatine and Vader...........

Skipimg along, holding hands, after the Jedi purge, singing..............


Follow the Jedi bodypart road, follow the Jedi body part road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the Jedi body part road...............................

[Darth Vegas]

Motti: "Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen toilet paper, or given you clear voiyance enough to find the Rebel's hidden air freshener---uugh---ughh

Vader: "I find your lack of a bathrom disturbing."

[Grand Moff Tarkin]

Palpatine: Young fool! Only now in the end do you realize........................................... I AM GAY!!!!!!!!!!

[Jedi D'oh]

Hey Palpy, why don't we just let the jedi be? They're good people.

[Grand Moff Tarkin]

<font style='width=80%; filter:shadow(color=red)'>Dukoo: Join me, Obi-wan, and together I'm sure we can find your keys.

Obi-wan: I'll never join you, Dukoo. You suck at finding things.

Dukoo: It may be difficult to find them on your own.</font>

[flo fett]

I had to attach this, it's from a thread I had on the Cinescape boards. It started out innocently enough and turned into this....

[Darth Vegas]

Palpatine to his gaurds.....

"So what do you wanna do later fellas, you wanna go scam some chicks or something. I like the ladies, mmm hhm, I like em."

[Javen]

Palpitine: Taxi!, man you can never get a Taxi in this town.

[Handothrawn]

Any Sith: Is there anything more fluffy than a cloud?

[Winston_Sith]

Vader: (in the men's restroom; to the guy at the urinal next to him) Hey, can you help me out here?

[Darth Vegas]

Palpatine: "You know after all these years Lord Vader, I have realized that evil sucks, from this day forward, I will do for the good of the citizens of this galaxy, no more war, no more rebellion, oh who am I kidding!!!!!"

[Javen]

Vader:Do I look fat in this suit?

[Obidobi]

Vader to palpy: Dear master, can I have a milkshake?

[Winston_Sith]

Vader: Master, look! A coupon for a free Shiatzu massage!!!

Sidious: That is mine!

Vader: Ok...! Here!

Sidious: I LOVE whizzing you off! Mu-Hahahahahaha!

[Winston_Sith]

The Emeperor: (as he is falling down into the pit) "Oh, blast! This is why I hate dying."

[Obidobi]

What!!??!! Lost it again!!??!!
Go and clean your room until you finds your lightsaber u naughty boy!!
-Sidious to Vader

[Winston_Sith]

Darth Sidious: (leaning over a baby carriage) Wut a bee-yoo-ti-ful widdle bay-beee. You're sooo cute. I just wanna kiss you! I really do! You're sooooo cute. I bet you don't want me to tickle your widdle feet. But I'm gonna do it... I'm gonna do it... You're just so adowable... (ad nauseum)

[MegoHulk]

Palpatine to Luke: "well kiss my grits!"