Mystik_Haze and Brookie's High Larious Quotes

[brookie]

ok you can quote anything family guy, simpsons , southpark really anything you think is funny

Stewie: "Ah, the breakfast thing. Yes, it wasn't about the eggs really, frankly I like the yolks, I..I don't..I have no problem, it's, there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me and it's not so much that I want to kill her. It's just that I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult, and then I think to myself, by god wouldn't it be marvellous if I turned out to be a homosexual."

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy

Stewie: [To ticket agent] Now look here... [looks at agent's name tag] Jo-LENE! I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once! I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES! OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES!

[brookie]

Meg: so um I guess the 26 dollars would be safe in my room

Stewie: Right....itd probablly lost in the in pin-ups of justin tiberlake and tom cruze and umm blast who the devil do the teenagers like.....em du Morgan Freemen

[Mystik_Haze]

Southpark

"Say "hi" to Sexual Harassment Panda!" -- Mr. Garrison

"Hi, Sexual Harassment Panda." -- The class

"Did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, that's sexual harassment? That makes me a sa-a-a-a-ad panda" -- Sexual Harassment Panda

"This is freaking me out, dude." -- Kyle [to Stan]

"And when one little panda puts his furry little willy in another panda's ear, that makes me a very sad panda. Now, I'm going to pass out these booklets, and we're going to go through each and every sexual harassment law." -- Sexual Harassment Panda

"Awwww!" -- The class

[brookie]

chris: U mean God watches me do number 2. Well i'm a sinner and God's a pervert.

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy

Stewie gets sent to daycare

Kid: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.

Stewie: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy



Peter: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together!

________

Announcer: And now, Homicide: Life on Sesame Street!

Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a *****. I'm on my way.
[Get's out of bed and get's dressed]

Bert: Some poor ******* got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.

Ernie: [with a feminine tone] Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.

Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED!!!!!!

Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.

_________

[Javen]

"My girlfriend died you know. She feel off a cliff and died on impact."

Happy Gilmore.

[vodo]

the simpsons
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

super intendant charners:Semore whats that in the kitchen.
skinner:erm aurora borealis!
super intendant charners: the northern lights in at this time of the year in this country located directly in your kitchen?
skinner:yes..
super intendant charners:can I see?
skinner: no.

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy

Peter Griffin: NOOOOOO! Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Damn longears, trying to take Easter away from Jesus. Anyway, what was that you were saying?

[brookie]

Homer:


I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/w00t.gif

[brookie]

Homer on religion:

mahahhaha


I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

[Rogue_0009]

Groundskeeper Willie: I f I don't save the wee turtles who will?! [emerges from class with turtles biting him] Ach! Save me from the wee turtles, they were too big for me!

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy

[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]

Tour Guide: Und as you can see Germany has such a rich and beautiful history, as depicted in your pamphlets. Questions?

Brian: Yeah, I got a question. In your pamphlet, there's a huge gap between 1939 and 1945.

Tour Guide: NOTHING HAPPENED! EVERYONE WENT ON VACATION!

Brian: But isn't that when Germany invaded Poland?

Tour Guide: DIDN'T INVADE--INVITED! THERE WAS PUNCH UND EVERYTHING! ASK POLAND!

Brian: This is part of your history and you can't deny it.

Tour Guide: [Shouting in German like Hitler]

Brian: Say, is that a beer house?

Tour Guide: Oh, ja! Amsterdam is renowned for its beer houses

[brookie]

"they call her Trish the dish"
"nobody calls me that"

"when are men going to realize that women want romance not mr. taods wild ride"
"be fair alright, everyone wants mr. toads wild ride"

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy

[after the family strike it rich with a welfare check]

Peter: I'm going to take you guys out to the finest, most expensive meal you've ever had in your life! (At the drive-through) Hi, I'd like 5000 chicken vaginas.

Clerk:Say that again?

Peter: 5000 chicken vaginas.

Lois:it's actually 5000 chicken fajytas

[Tovor]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/w00t.gif ROTFLMAO style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Mystik_Haze]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif


The Family Guy

[Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration]

Peter Griffin: Uh...my name is...

[he sees a pea]

Peter Griffin: Pea...

[he sees a woman crying]

Peter Griffin: ...tear...

[he sees a Griffin fly by]

Peter Griffin: ...Griffin. Peter Griffin.

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy

[Chris Griffin started doing a paper route, every day this old perverted man comes out to greet him. Chris Stops his paper route]


[Leaving a message on thier answering machine]

Old man:

[Message 1] Uh yea i was just wondering, uh mmhmm, where the newspaper boy was.

[Message 2] Haven't seen the newspaper in a couple days, wondering if ya ever gonna come back.

[They skip half the messages]

[Message 40] Guess who. Sorry to leave you so many messages, just lonely here - thinkin bout the muscley armed paperboy, wishing you'd come by, bring me some good news.

[Message 41] Where are ya?

[Message 42] You starting to piss me off you little pigly son of a *****, Call me.

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy

[when Lois try's to feed him broccoli]

Lois: C'mon Stewie eat your broccoli, it's good for you.

Stewie: NO! We will sit here till one of us expires, and you've got a good 40 years on me woman.

[After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"]

Lois: C'mon open up.

Stewie:Damn you, Damn the Broccoli, and Damn the Wright Brothers!

[Jors_Dedon]

"Dad, can I scratch your beard?"

"Did you do your homework?"

"Yes"

"Okay."
- Family Guy


That was more or less like it.

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy

[After peter crashes the car and a crowd surrounds him staring..]

Peter: Oh look thiers bigfoot

[the camera pans over to the woods where a bigfoot is standing]

Bigfoot: who whoa this isnt about me, ...this is ..about.. you..

[Tovor]

I guess I shoulda watched that show more often (like, at least once), because it comes off as hilarious. Then again, it may simply be the style of which you gals relay the jokes.

[brookie]

Peter: Can't we tell them that your mother died?
Lois: Peter, I'm not gonna lie about something like that.
Peter: All right, all right, I'll kill your mother.

[brookie]

Originally posted by Tovor@Sep 20 2003, 10:35 PM
I guess I shoulda watched that show more often (like, at least once), because it comes off as hilarious. Then again, it may simply be the style of which you gals relay the jokes.
no seriously it is soo funny if you wanna see it it is on at 11 pm on cartoon network! weekdays

[Tovor]

Geez, I have 100 channels on my TV and I don't know if I get that channel. I'll have to look for it. Thanks for the recommendation. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

[Mystik_Haze]

Originally posted by Tovor@Sep 20 2003, 08:35 PM
I guess I shoulda watched that show more often (like, at least once), because it comes off as hilarious. Then again, it may simply be the style of which you gals relay the jokes.
<span style='color:purple'>Buy the season 2 DVD.. you wont regret it!!

And then make me and Brookie copies. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif</span>

[Tovor]

I'd be a bootlegger then! The DVD companies would come after me and sue me like that poor little 12 year old girl sued by the recording companies for $2,000! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif

[Mystik_Haze]

<span style='color:purple'>I heard about that!! SO sad..

I still want that DVD. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif </span>

[Tovor]

Anything for you! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Mystik_Haze]

<span style='color:purple'>*hugs* style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif


The Family Guy

[Stewie playing with a toy phone]

[Picks up the reciever.. the phone says] "Can you count to three?"

[Stewie takes out a lazer gun and shoots it as he counts..]

Stewie: "1,2,3"

Stewie: Of coarse I can count to three you witless twerp, now put Lois on the phone.</span>

[Wat Tambar]

HOMER- "I can't steal money, I can't print MY OWN money, I have to WORK for money! Geeze!"

[brookie]

Originally posted by Mystik_Haze+Sep 21 2003, 01:57 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Mystik_Haze @ Sep 21 2003, 01:57 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'> <!--QuoteBegin-Tovor@Sep 20 2003, 08:35 PM
I guess I shoulda watched that show more often (like, at least once), because it comes off as hilarious. Then again, it may simply be the style of which you gals relay the jokes.
<span style='color:purple'>Buy the season 2 DVD.. you wont regret it!!

And then make me and Brookie copies. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif</span> [/b][/quote]
si si style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

[brookie]

Tom: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a lower-middle class Irish family.

Peter: Make like Siamese twins and split... and then one of you die.

[Wat Tambar]

Marge: So Homer, what do you think of the pie?
Homer: What do I think of the pie? What do I think of the pie!! [breaks into song] Goodness gracious, it's delatious! Thats' What I think of the pie! [marches off still singing] and it's...[music going]...
Mrs. Krabopple: Should we follow him?
Marge: I'm on vacation.

[Miasmo]

Homer Simpson

"Aww, we coulda seen a monkey."

[Mystik_Haze]

The Family Guy

[While trying to potty-train Stewie]

Peter Griffin: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you.

Stewie: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a dubey and watch porn!

Peter Griffin: Rea...Really?

[Darth_Badman]

Desperado

El Mariachi: You meeesed me!!!

[Mystik_Haze]

Army of Darkness

Ash: Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my boom-stick! It's a 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

[brookie]

There's a time and a place for everything, and it's called college." -- Chef
-Chef

[brookie]

"Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job or Kenny's dad would be a millionare!" -- Cartman

[brookie]

"If Chewbacca lives on Endor, then you must acquit."

- Johnny Cochrane

south park

[brookie]

Stan : "Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my friend. Why can't God take someone else's friend?"
Chef : "Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?"
Stan : "But then, why does God give us anything to start with?"
Chef : "Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then you would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power."
Stan : "I thnk I understand."

- Chef explains death to Stan, when Kenny dies for real

[DarthSolo]

"...has learned the first lesson of not being seen: Dont stand up."

[brookie]

cartman- "i'm the king of the sea people"

[Mystik_Haze]

South Park

"Your not gonna eat that now are you starvin marvin?? No of coarse not! Slide some of that right over here now *mumbling*.. yes" - Cartman

[Mystik_Haze]

Me Myself and Irene


[a woman asks to cut in line because she only has a few things, then her kids show up with 3 baskets full of food]

Jim Carrey - "Vagi-Clean huh? Whats the matter hunny.. little extra cheese on the taco"

Woman - Excuse me?

Jim Carrey - "No excuse me... Theres no tag on this [grabs cashiers microphone] Price check on Vagi Clean Isle 5.. thats Vagi Clean.. we got a customer down here with a full on fallopian fungus.. she's baking a loaf of bread down here and I think its sourdough [smells the air] put a rush on that"

[Dark Skywalker 9]

Love the ASH quote earlier in the thread Mystik!

From the classic Office Space:

Samir: No, not again! I...why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of s*** out the window!

Michael Bolton: You and me both, man. That thing is lucky I'm not armed.

Samir: Piece of s***!

[Dark Skywalker 9]

And a little more....

Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.

Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.

Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it...until that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.

Samir: Hmm...well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?

Michael Bolton: No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.

[Mystik_Haze]

ahah I LOVE Office Space!!!

Especially at the beginning of the movie when Michael is driving to work listening to rap music and then the black guy pulls up next to him on the freeway.. haahahahah

[Mystik_Haze]

I'm an official owner of an Ewok..

[brookie]

hahahha awwwwwww so cute

[Darth_Badman]

"Dude, Chewie is so wasted"- Me in a dream

[Mystik_Haze]

Comedy Central


"Dear Electronic Toilet,


I wasn't finished yet.. Lighten up!


Sincerely,
Comedy Central"

[Darth_Badman]

"If you can smell it then your too close"- Me giving personal advice

[Mystik_Haze]

Comedy Central



Dear Footbal Teams:


We think it would be a better idea if your mascots had external visible genetalia.


Sincerely,

Comedy Central

[Mystik_Haze]

Comedy Central



Dear Weapons of Mass Destruction,


Where ya been? We miss you..



Sincerely,

Comedy Central

[Mystik_Haze]

Space Ghost Coast to Coast


Moltar: Your wife's on the phone again.

Space Ghost: Uh, tell her I exploded, and tell her it was very sad, and the last thing I said was "make sure my wife moves out of my condo."

Moltar: She says it's an emergency.

Space Ghost: Emergency... patch her through

(Björk replaces Thom on the monitor)

Björk: I have to go to the toilet.

Space Ghost: You remember the difference between the toilet and the sofa, right?

Björk: I think so.

Space Ghost: And remember how angry I got.

Björk: It smells like.. bad eggs.

Space Ghost: Because that's what happens when you boil the cushions of the couch you'd been urinating on.

Björk: Yeah'm?

Space Ghost: Oh oh, and, as long as I've got you here, (does his power band move) tell that French DJ Tricky to move out.

Björk: What's his name again?

Space Ghost: I don't know, he's your damned friend.

Björk: And I would love to introduce you to him.

Space Ghost: I've met him. He's living on our couch, with the urine. And tell him to stop letting in strangers to listen to his new beats.

Björk: It makes all the children happy.

Space Ghost: (in low voice) Honey, those aren't children, they're packets of cream cheese.

Björk: Sometimes I can't separate between the two, do you know that?

Space Ghost: Yeah. I.. wish I'd known that when we were just dating.

Björk: You have a mask, has anyone told you?

Space Ghost: Uh, honey? I buried a present for you out in the yard.

Björk: Yeah'm?

Space Ghost: Yeah. Why don't you go dig it up?

Björk: [something Icelandic I can't figure out]

Space Ghost: Yeah... well, I'll tell him you said that.

(Thom replaces Björk on the monitor)

Zorak: Hey, um... what'd you bury?

Space Ghost: Her mother.

Zorak: Cool.

Space Ghost: No, Zorak, it's just a bagel, she started calling "mother".