Knight Trials [Archive] - The Galactic Senate

Zane Marit

07-11-2003, 02:10 PM

The next part is up if anybody cares...I wouldn't know since no one can bother to give any feed back on it... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif

Whitesaber

07-11-2003, 05:54 PM

I've read the first chapter. My comments:

Definitely sets a good foundation for the rest of the fanfic. The Obi-Wan/Anakin dream was nicely done. I liked the part when "the rest of Anakin" jumped out of the pool.

I did notice a potential problem. During your fanfic, you'll start with a present tense paragraphs, then you'd switch abruptly to past tense. (Example: Right now, he walks over to the seat. He sat down and waited.) This was not very confusing, but it can potentially get that way.

Thumbs up!

Zane Marit

07-11-2003, 07:46 PM

Thanks for the feedback...I am glad you like it so far.

Yeah..I noticed that I have that problem with my writing and I keep going back and changing everything to present tense...I am sure a lot of it still gets through tho...

Thanks...Hope you enjoy the rest.

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Zane Marit

07-14-2003, 06:25 PM

The 3rd task is up and I went back and edited some parts here and there.

Whitesaber

07-15-2003, 02:57 PM

Second part... great stuff! I actually can imagine Yoda saying those things. Keep it up!

Zane Marit

07-16-2003, 03:12 PM

More added...

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Zane Marit

07-17-2003, 08:03 PM

New stuff added...

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Zane Marit

07-21-2003, 02:18 PM

New part up...

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Zane Marit

07-24-2003, 05:56 PM

Yet more astounding amazing stuff is up... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hehe.gif

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Zane Marit

07-25-2003, 07:59 PM

More goodies up.

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Zane Marit

07-28-2003, 07:46 PM

bump...

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Whitesaber

08-01-2003, 12:18 PM

Okay, I've been a bit slow because I've been busy, but I LOVE the part where the holovid shows the Jedi doing terribly bad things. And you've still managed to capture a certain "bad feeling" about Palpatine by the dialogue and his actions. Awesome stuff, man.

Zane Marit

08-04-2003, 10:53 AM

Thanks White...I hope I am on target with and being true to the established characters. Bail is somewhat difficult because there isn't much to go on so I am "winging" it and going on instinct. I have been on vacation the last 5 days so I will try to get more up soon.

Thanks for the info...I hope 24 is going well...I need to get to the 3rd hour. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

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Whitesaber

08-04-2003, 05:11 PM

The date is the 4th. If you've read it before now, please reread it. There was a mistake in it, which I was supposed to correct before posting but I forgot. *sigh* I had no access to the net over the weekend. Anywho, I'll get to reading the rest of Knight Trials now. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

Zane Marit

08-04-2003, 08:09 PM

Meesa back!!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cool.gif

I got some more up. Hope you are enjoying it. I have some comments on 24. They are in the discussion thread. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

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Whitesaber

08-12-2003, 01:59 PM

I love the detail you included with Zane's entrance into the trials. I could literally see it in my mind. Excellent stuff, man.

Zane Marit

08-12-2003, 04:16 PM

Glad you like it...I had to steal a little from JKII because it pretty much the only thing we have to go on as far as the trials are concerned. Hopefully you will like the rest. I have a few surprises a lil further down from where you read the Trials.

How's 24 going...can't wait for more of that. Get going on it. Of course, if you are pausing to read my fics, I will excuse any delay... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

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Zane Marit

08-13-2003, 06:56 PM

More stuff posted...

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Zane Marit

08-15-2003, 02:49 PM

Yet even more wonderful stuff is up...

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Zane Marit

08-19-2003, 04:45 PM

More up...Criticism and comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

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Zane Marit

08-21-2003, 07:28 PM

As usual...no replies... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

Jacen Solo

08-23-2003, 12:21 AM

Consider this a reply, my friend ... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/w00t.gif

I am reading your story, and I really like it so far. I like how you've made it so Palpatine is still (sort of, but not really) the good guy.

I'm off to go read more ...

*flies off to go read some more*

Jacen Solo

08-23-2003, 04:42 PM

I finished. Post more, post more!! Hee, hee ... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/w00t.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

It's cool how you are keeping a common theme with Amidala being in disguise throughout the prequels.

I also like how you (very subtle, I might add) showed that Darth Sidious was in fact the Supreme Chancellor.

Flash_0

08-25-2003, 10:51 AM

cool

Zane Marit

08-25-2003, 12:03 PM

Hey Luuke...Hows your fic coming along. You still working on it? I am almost done with Trials. I will hopefully have it posted soon.

Whitesaber

08-25-2003, 02:33 PM

I took a vacation. Sorry, Zane. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>It may not matter Zane. Every sentient creature believes truth from their own point of view.” said Obi Wan.[/b][/quote]

I love this line from your fic. Whether you did it on purpose or not, it reflects old Obi's line from Return of the Jedi. You know, the speech he gave to Luke about "a certain point view". (Talking about Anakin being dead instead of alive and well as Darth Vader). It sticks to his character real good.

Oh, and the holonet broadcast was abrupt and a great surprise. I love it! Keep it up, Mr. Marit.

Zane Marit

08-25-2003, 02:52 PM

Thanks white...I did intend for that. I am trying to keep the older Ben in mind for the rest of this. How he thinks and reacts to things...I don't want this to be a spoiler but I have his visit to Lars homestead pretty much mapped out. I just haven't written that far yet. It will hopefully be an interesting read for you guys and should go into Ben and Owens feelings towards each other.

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Zane Marit

08-29-2003, 02:53 PM

More stuff up...Almost done. Hope to get some new people to give me feedback on this. It's really important to me.

Thanks.

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Zane Marit

09-02-2003, 07:59 PM

I am down to about one or two posts on the story.

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Zane Marit

09-04-2003, 07:06 PM

Well the story is done...Thanks to all that read it. And Special thanks to those that gave feedback.

If you have additional comments they would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

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Whitesaber

09-16-2003, 06:26 PM

Now I can download the complete version and give you all my feedback, Mr. Marit. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif Once I'm finished with the next hour on mine, of course...

Zane Marit

09-16-2003, 06:29 PM

Looking forward to it... Really like how 24s coming out too. KUTGW...

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