Random Comments

[JackBauer24]

!nuf sdnuoS ?dekcamS

[Kapit]

Made it through another day, it's a good excuse to celebrate

[JackBauer24]

Sweater puppies.

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Dirty buckaroo.

Slutmonkey.

[Kapit]

So there was this one time back in 1942 when me and Johnny St. Claire decide to take a trip to New York in order to see this new-fangled invention called "The Automatic Money Machine" and suddenly out of nowhere a man threw an onion out of a window. It hit Johnny right square in the left eye, and this wasn't just any old onion, oh no, it was an orange one! And the orange ones are poisonous.

Three days later he got married and had a child named Joey McJoeJoe Junior Shabadoo.

[empire21]

Thats the worst name ever.

[Sarah-Leia]

I hope you like the cheese.

[Kapit]

too much snow, sirs

[JackBauer24]

And thanks for all the fish.

[Kapit]

hate....papers.....death....roar

[JackBauer24]

And God help you if I find pickles!

[Zedekk]

Pickles? I love pickles, they smell like home.

[Kapit]

it only took 4 bites...

[JackBauer24]

Don't Panic.

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Biscuit. RAAAA!

[JackBauer24]

Spank Bank Theatre

[Kapit]

Let's all slag off class

[Sarah-Leia]

LANDO IS A BAT!!!!! *flap* *flap*
*screech*

[Darth Massacrus]

The State Motto of Wisconsin ought to be: come cut our cheese...

[Kapit]

Pure Water, Perfect Taste

[empire21]

Shut up brain or i'll stab you with a cue tip.

[Kapit]

awww, 20 dollars, but i wanted a peanut!

[empire21]

Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

[Kapit]

Mmmm....forbidden donut

[empire21]

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

[Kapit]

that rod up that man's butt must have a rod up its butt!

[JackBauer24]

Schmoke and a pancake?

[Kapit]

twelve i say, count em, twelve!

[JackBauer24]

Um, feel free to say no to this, but...would you shave my coin purse?

[Jedi Master Harrison]

What I'm saying, you two-bob :censored: , is that you and you are old bill!

[JackBauer24]

Would you like to try some of my smoked meat log?

[Kapit]

mom, why are you making civilization collapse?

[JackBauer24]

Look at me. Middle-aged, alone, and peeing in supermarkets. Man, didn't see that coming.

[Kapit]

damnded she-fossil!

[JackBauer24]

Come quick! It's almost half time and we all pooped in the tuba!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Look what your :censored: daughter made me do!

[JackBauer24]

Isn't there an "O" in "Country"?

Nope!

[Kapit]

wait a second, where do you shove things up a ball?

[JackBauer24]

Balls thoroughly licked.

[Kapit]

i smell blue

[JackBauer24]

Eew, you're touching them!

[Kapit]

can't get enough of that sugar crisp!

[JackBauer24]

Make that b!tch your b!tch, you b*stard!

[Kapit]

HUNGRY!

[JackBauer24]

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!

[Darth Massacrus]

Random comment: Stephen the Great was great, so thats why they called him Stephen the Great! (repeat 5 times fast!)

[JackBauer24]

Two Cops. Glover carries a weapon..... Gibson is one. He's the only L.A cop registered as a Lethal Weapon

[Kapit]

YOU CAN'T UN-WATCH IT!

[JackBauer24]

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

[empire21]

Bite my shiny metal ass.

[Kapit]

This is the worst crazy sect I've even been in

[JackBauer24]

Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and now we're bored!

[Kapit]

please wait 2 seconds

[JackBauer24]

Please, gentlemen, we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks.

[Kapit]

we're riled up now!

[JackBauer24]

Get that robot some more beer!

[empire21]

Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

[JackBauer24]

A whirlwind of hot, dry sex!

[empire21]

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog.

[JackBauer24]

...in an unfortunate smelting accident.

[empire21]

Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! Oh, I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening.

[JackBauer24]

Blanket, come and play with me.

[Kapit]

and in the end...

[JackBauer24]

There's no place like...I wanna be a witch!

[Kapit]

with a wig on!

[JackBauer24]

I didn't do anything wrong.

[Kapit]

we've been talking about the show, jim

[JackBauer24]

Swimmin' hole!

[Kapit]

that's correct, yes

[JackBauer24]

I get a strong smell from my Wang.

[Kapit]

we get a lot of pictures of people who look like Flanders

[Zedekk]

gone fishin'!

[JackBauer24]

When I get through with you, you're gonna be beating guys off with both hands!

[Kapit]

Whoa.

[Darth Massacrus]

The first ever North American Electrolux slogan was: 'Nothing sucks like an Electrolux!'

I am not making this up, btw....

[Kapit]

you're a real life wedding crasher, and i must bounce you

[JackBauer24]

Oh, blithery poop.

[Kapit]

although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation

[JackBauer24]

Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away!

[Kapit]

all the coolest robots are in Epsilon Rho Rho

[JackBauer24]

Stop or....or I'll breathe fire on you!

[Kapit]

he could be an apprentice

[Blizzard]

Autistic kids named Macayla only check out blue books.

[JackBauer24]

Well played, Clerks.

[Kapit]

C:\DOS
C:\DOS\RUN
RUN\DOS\RUN

[JackBauer24]

PEEEE!

[Kapit]

OOO! let's go to the water park!

[JackBauer24]

Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total b!tch.

[Zedekk]

Whazzzup!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Delete *.*

[Sarah-Leia]

Whoo! Dance Party!

[Kapit]

i got my inaction figures! now i need a camera!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

"I mean to have you, even if it's by burglary!"

[Kapit]

then i'll get on my knees and pray

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Pass me another pop tart - this movies great!

[Kapit]

IT'S ALL COMIN' DOWN!

[Horse_Head]

Just loungin' in my PJ's...

[Blizzard]

Relax, don't do it!

[Kapit]

i love the put-downs, they're the best part!

[Sarah-Leia]

The only thing that keeps me from losing my mind is shoes.

[Jedi Master Harrison]

They hurt you and then they hurt you and then they hurt you again. And just when you think the hurting is over that's when the real hurting begins!

(1 word knowingly substituted. :wink: )

[Kapit]

I'm all about ideas!

[Sarah-Leia]

Mirroring pictures of cheese with Leia buns!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

I'll have a drink with the devil - but I'm not moving in with him! :devil:

[Kapit]

Everybody's hustlin for a buck and a dime

[Miasmo]

Enlightenment is free to everyone that registers first and then logs in.

[Kapit]

Fine bunch of ninjas we are! We fell for the oldest trick in the book!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

A friend is someone who lets you help.

[Kapit]

a singing rubber fish, of course

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Everything you know is wrong.

[Kapit]

a hamster ball!

just like the one that saved ezekiel!

[JackBauer24]

This is going to be one hell of a bowel movement. After this, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

[Kapit]

good news, everyone!

[JackBauer24]

Precious Hamburgers?

[Kapit]

back then long time ago when we was fab

[JackBauer24]

My ass has blisters from the slide!

[Kapit]

i dunno, can you survive a 700 foot drop?

[JackBauer24]

Are you jacking on in there?

[Kapit]

bite my glorious golden ass!

[JackBauer24]

This is the third hose fight I've had to break up today and the second one with actual hoses!

[Kapit]

Oh, expletive deleted!

[JackBauer24]

Tell me something: does the company that makes your bra also make a girdle? I only ask because my friend--

[JackBauer24]

Yes, yes. We all miss our loved ones and gasses.

[Kapit]

how do i update the internets?

[JackBauer24]

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid, with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom?!

[Horse_Head]

Cheese, glorious Cheese!

[Kapit]

yippie kay-ay, motherf---er

[JackBauer24]

My manwich!

[Kapit]

no world, you put YOUR hands up!

[JackBauer24]

Uh, I think there's something wrong with your upstairs toilet.

[Kapit]

there's no place like--I wanna be a witch!

[JackBauer24]

You are technically correct, the best kind of correct!

[Kapit]

We tried out best!
Yeah, well you best is an idiot!

[JackBauer24]

Bender....BENDER?!!!!!

Have you seen my sombrero?

[Kapit]

Ahhh, what an awful dream. Ones and zeroes everywhere... and I thought I saw a two.

[JackBauer24]

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place....mwa ha ha ha ha!

[Kapit]

you never give me your money...

[JackBauer24]

Nothing's a complete load!

[Kapit]

NO Death Races!

[JackBauer24]

This is 20 times heavier than a boot!

[Kapit]

Hey ma, how bout some cookies?
No dice.
This. Ain't. Over.

[JackBauer24]

Prepare the lower horn!

[Kapit]

IT'S USED TO IT! WOOOOOOOOO!

[JackBauer24]

Wait! I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn -

[Kapit]

Give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

[JackBauer24]

Bite my shiny metal....*GASP*....NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[Kapit]

You aren't a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand

[JackBauer24]

No need to pack pants, people!

[Kapit]

I finally learned what it's like to be a grandmother; subjugated, yet honored

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Put it in the :censored: .

[JackBauer24]

Zoot Suit Riot (Riiiiot!), throw back a bottle of beer....

[Kapit]

pull a comb through your coal black hair

[Horse_Head]

Bluto did it!

[Kapit]

thee is in luck, I have one here...

[Kommandant Felix]

I could use a peanut butter and banana sandwich

[Kapit]

headaches are no fun

[JackBauer24]

Help! A Gerbil tricked me!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Racism is a weapon of mass destruction.

[JackBauer24]

Stupid anti-pimping laws!

[Kapit]

well, technically we're in New Jersey

[JackBauer24]

Are you telling me that my mom's got the hots for me?!

[Kapit]

i had to use the good poison, it's got Lee Marvin's picture on the bottle

[JackBauer24]

They searched Michael Jackson's bedroom and found life-size dolls of little boys, one of them dressed in a Cub Scout suit. It could be innocent enough, but if they searched my room and found a life-size doll of a woman, everyone would assume I was f*ckin' it. And they'd be right!

[Kapit]

he folds instantly

[JackBauer24]

Oh God. We were doing a show in Buffalo, New York. And we land at the airport, and we go down to get our luggage, and mine didn't show up, which I know happens. So we go down to the lost luggage, where everyone is in *such a good mood!* Who applies for that job? Who says, I want to work in lost luggage? You don't have a good day! It's like a job emptying porta-potties, you're just gonna catch crap all day long! So, anyway. I'm trying to be nice to this woman in lost luggage, and I say, "Excuse me!" And she goes, "Can I help you?" I said, "Yes ma'am. You lost my luggage." She looks me right in the eye, and goes, "Has your plane landed yet?" I said, "No princess! I'm having an out-of-body experience! I'm just checking on them!"

[Kapit]

want some lemonade?

[JackBauer24]

The left rear wheel fell off....it fell off...it fell THE F*CK off, turning my van into a tripod and spinning me into a dimension of pissed off I have never been in before in my life.

[Kapit]

lines jammed in there

[JackBauer24]

He was a TIRE GUY. That's all he did. He didn't sometimes work on transmissions, he was a tire guy. I found out later that they sent him to Tire...College for three days. But apparently, he was sick on LUG NUT DAY, but they still let him work on my car. So I'm suing them and hopefully this time next year they'll have to change the name of the Sears Tower in Chicago to Ron White's Big Ol' F*ckin' Building.

[Kapit]

It's such an old movie cliche

[JackBauer24]

Other states are tryin' to abolish the death penalty...my state's puttin' in an express lane!

[Kapit]

i've got a dried out end piece with your name on it!

[JackBauer24]

I'm like, "Ma'am, when I woke up this morning, I didn't want to be a jackass. You just pushed my jackass button."

[Kapit]

Then I can dig it

[JackBauer24]

And you know, a body cavity search isn't all that bad if you just sit back and relax....

[Kapit]

KABLAMMO!

[JackBauer24]

So they had to haul him out, still sitting in the fecal position...

[Kapit]

Look Marge, you don't know what it's like. I'm the one going out there everyday putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order, you're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friends face, YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO! FORGET IT MARGE! IT'S CHINATOWN!

[Zedekk]

"oo, cake!"

[Kapit]

My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I. Hate. Babies.

[JackBauer24]

I had snoo-snoo.

[Kapit]

who are you? my biographer?

[JackBauer24]

Baby, it'll blow your mindddd-eh.

[Horse_Head]

That was a SLAMwich!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Come on you Irons!

[Kapit]

eyes...burning...

[Jedi Master Harrison]

I'm meeeeeeeeeellllllllllltttttttttttiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnn nnnngggggggggggggggggg!

[Kapit]

the boulevard is not that bad

[Jedi Master Harrison]

El-e-va-tion!

[Kapit]

she's so....HEAVY!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

She's so high............I want to crawl all over her.

[Kapit]

potatomamoes

[JackBauer24]

I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich?

[Kapit]

So, tell! TELL!

[JackBauer24]

You don't look so good. If you don't stop to rest soon, you could end up on your back!






DEAD!

[Kapit]

i dig it, cool cat

[JackBauer24]

I like-a do da cha cha.

[Kapit]

I like-a da chew

[JackBauer24]

Yeah, let's thank God, shall we? For his blessings are raining down upon me. Wait, that's not rain!

[Kapit]

pay attention to me!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr Moon has left the building.

[JackBauer24]

It's a fountain of feces!

[Kapit]

it's an anagram for imaginary

[Kommandant Felix]

I just can't get it.

[Kapit]

Check out the hand skills

[JackBauer24]

POOOOO!!!

[Kapit]

you know, there's a karaoke night at school tomorrow

[Jedi Master Harrison]

"Aren't you.......?"

"Yeah.......shattered."

[JackBauer24]

Doesn't that just swallow the chimp?

[Kapit]

heyyy bulldog!

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Shouting.....lager, lager, lager!

[Kapit]

YES!

[JackBauer24]

HEY NOW!

[Kapit]

that's what it LOOKS like...

[JackBauer24]

Where did he touch you?

[Kapit]

he would've been 64 today...

[Kommandant Felix]

Theres no hope for some people...

[Kapit]

living in the material world?

[Kommandant Felix]

I see people everywhere I go.

[Kapit]

my guitar is gently weeping

[JackBauer24]

You were cyber friends with my dick?

[Kapit]

Bangladesh had some problems

[JackBauer24]

He's gonana kick me!

[Kapit]

well that was interesting, to say the least

[Jedi_Poo]

Really, that was a mighty good giraffe taco you had there.

[Kapit]

my neck hurts, it does

[Kapit]

hope it was all just a crazy dream

[JackBauer24]

I hope that *******'s gone for good.

[Kapit]

blackboard is slow...

[Blizzard]

Yes, I deleted your body function posts. Stop that. Post something useful.

Like this:

Monkeys are forbidden to be eaten according to Islamic dietary laws.

[JackBauer24]

Listening to Kenny G doesn't actually turn you gay, but it makes everyone around you believe you are.

[Kapit]

aye aye, gear fab gear

[Kommandant Felix]

there it is!

[Kapit]

this is it!

[JackBauer24]

How sweet it is to be loved by you...

[Jedi Master Harrison]

My anaconda don't want none, if you ain't got buns, hon.

[JackBauer24]

He graphically describes how he likes to give oral sex to young men.

[Kapit]

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!

[JackBauer24]

I did not have sex with that woman! I wanted to....

[Kapit]

This doesn't seem very evil

[JackBauer24]

You're the Diet Coke of Evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.

[Kapit]

Beware of Rat Poison

[Horse_Head]

COKE Zero might as well be called ZERO Zero! Cuz it tastes like crap!

[Kapit]

Probably misses his old glasses

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Funbags

[Kapit]

Max Power
He's the man who's name you'd love to touch!
But you mustn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear
But when you say it
You mustn't fear!
'Cause his name can be said by anyone!

[Tovor]

I was standing over the urinal, taking a tinkle. I watched with fascination (not the first time) at my urine stream and marveled at the reflections of dark yellow coloring mixed in within the other shades of yellow, like gems glittering from the skylight. Then it occured to me, as I looked down at the fountain that my hand did hold, that marvel of marvels, my pee glitters like gold.

[Miasmo]

Why did you have to make me picture your junk?



On an unrelated topic ... squibbily bibbily blam!

[Kapit]

Version 2.Zero

[Jedi Master Harrison]

Pesky kids!