What Will He Say Next? The Tovor Experiment.

[Tovor]

I had an idea. That's right, an idea. It may seem that lately I have been promoting myself with thread topics and previous personal polls, and it may be accurate to say that I am reaching for fuel to further my fire. Maybe you can help me by loading the ammo needed to fire off my humor fun gun. Here is your chance, make it count. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

Some people think I'm funny. I've been told that by people in the Senate, as well as people in real-time life. Yet, why and how, I ask? I don't feel funny (what would funny feel like, velvet?) and don't always expect to be funny. I just say what comes to mind which I don't think people would expect to hear. Sometimes it works, sometimes it falls limp. A few weeks ago I was in the doctor's office and the male medical assistant gave me the pre-examination. He put on rubber gloves and told me he had to "inspect the jewels". I said, "What, no wine and music to relax me first?" Next, he's practically on the floor, laughing. Was it because of my ad-lib response, or because I had just dropped my pants? I don't know. In fact, I don't think I want to know.

But, other than rare occasions, I don't laugh at my own jokes. Often times they don't seem funny to me, while other people think they are. So here is the deal, the way this experiment will work: You load me up with a one line statement, a comment on yourself, life, the world, society, news, whatever. I will respond after 5 to 10 posts, with a response for each one line based on the first thing that pops into my cranium. So, after 5 or 10 one liners (I haven't decided how many yet), I will reply with a one liner to each one liner. My replies may be funny, they may splash and sink, they may make no sense at all. You be the judge of that.

You're not done yet. After I reply to the 5 or 10 comments (likely all in one post), you have to judge my replies and score them based on the following Lafactameeter (laugh-factor meter):

6-Sorry, not even funny.
5-Huh? I don't get it.
4-Heh, I broke a smile.
3-That was mildly funny.
2-I'm laughing my butt off. Whoa, I didn't know it could come off!
1-Oh man, I just wet my pants!

Here be the rules. I pity da fools who don't heed da rules!
1- Post a one-line comment. Only one line per comment, maximum 4 comments per post, one post per session.
2- When you score my responses, quote all my responses from that session in your post, and grade each one based on the numbers of the Lafactameeter.
3- Each session lasts for, like I said, 5-10 loading statements.
4- I may take more than 10 statements, or respond in under 5. It depends on how much time I have, or how impatient I am at the moment.
5- Rules subject to change.


So fire them up and let them rip. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cool.gif

[Krogenar]

The theme to 'Superman: The Movie' really gets my blood pumping.

If I squint very hard, I can 'see' the color black.

Gary Coleman is a sad, sad man.

Purple Velveeta turpentine aquatic jumping Australians.




style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/eh.gif Ok, then! There are my statements.

[QuigonWindu]

I like big butts.
Halle Berry broke her arm.
The Lakers lost yesterday.
Midget wrestling would be a great sport

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Krogenar@May 16 2003, 08:41 PM
The theme to 'Superman: The Movie' really gets my blood pumping.

If I squint very hard, I can 'see' the color black.

Gary Coleman is a sad, sad man.

Purple Velveeta turpentine aquatic jumping Australians.




style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/eh.gif Ok, then! There are my statements.
Oh, wait.

I should have read the direction, shouldn't I? There was only supposed to be one line posted, huh? Sorry! :look:

[Trilogist]

No, you were good. It's only one line per comment. In other words, don't go on an extended commentary. Just one line. And you may make 4 comments per post. That's right, four.

Tovor says the darndest things. That should be a show.

[Javen]

Tovor, somewhere in all that is a question. But what is the question... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/scratchchin.gif

[Lara]

Pink elephants dancing the Macarena.

A bored flower sitting in the middle of the desert.

Give me those keys before...

[Plo Koon]

Okay I'll give this a shot:

Johnny Knoxville in a pink dress

The king of the world of weener dogs

Rhinos in space

[Blizzard]

Anything is possible.

[Mann]

Monica Bellucci Rocks my world

People need to grow tails so they can swing from branches.

[Krogenar]

I like big butts.

... and I can not lie!
You otha brothas can't deny
when a girl walks in with the itty bitty waist
and the round thing in your face you get...

sPrUnG!

wanna pull up close... blah, blah, I forget the rest.

Halle Berry broke her arm.

... trying to lift a 90-pound sandwich to her face. (Lift with the knees, Halle honey, 'k?)

The Lakers lost yesterday.

Sorry, sports fans are all knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers.
I have nothing to say about The Lakers.

Midget wrestling would be a great sport.

.. but only if they were dressed as Goth-style Oompa Loompas, and were acrobatic midgets.

Thank you, please drive through.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Blizzard@May 17 2003, 01:01 PM
Anything is possible.
... with enough spiral-cut hams.

[Tovor]

Holy cripes, what did I get myself into? :look: Oy, I shoulda checked back sooner, because with all this rubbing this thread keeps getting longer and longer and I can't grab it with both hands. I'll just have to start at the top and work my way down.

[Plo Koon]

Here's a suugestion, Tov: Lock this up every four posts.

[Trilogist]

What a sinister exclamation, Tovor. Very sinister indeed.

[Tovor]

Yeah Trilo, it gets the mind working, don't it? Or reeling, I don't know. :look:


Good idea, Plo.

I'll open this up again when I have the time to be funny. See ya's soon! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif


And no, this doesn't mean that the Tovor Experiment has failed. It only means that I have to run to the market and buy some more Tofun pills. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

[Tovor]

From Krogenar:
The theme to 'Superman: The Movie' really gets my blood pumping.
That happens to me too when I watch the movie naked. Let if flow, Kro, it’s healthy for ya.
If I squint very hard, I can 'see' the color black.
That’s cause yer eye brows are too thick and curly. Shave em back and you’ll see the light.
Gary Coleman is a sad, sad man.
You can’t be young and cute forever. The appeal runs off after puberty.
Purple Velveeta turpentine aquatic jumping Australians.
Paints a picture of how unfashionable them down underers can be when they try to show off.

*******
From Quigonwindu:
I like big butts.
I’m sure you do. They must remind you of your toddler era when you’d crawl into a warm blanky and pull the sides around you on both sides. Big floppy, flaggy butt cheeks are good for that too, I suppose.
Halle Berry broke her arm.
What would you prefer to sign, her cast or her breasts?
The Lakers lost yesterday.
So?
Midget wrestling would be a great sport
Sure, if you roll them down the alley like bowling balls. They’re sure to scream when they hit the pins, so the show can be called “Bowling For Hollers”.

*******
Trilo:
Tovor says the darndest things. That should be a show.
Yeah, I asked Bill Cosby to host this thread, but he didn’t agree with where I planned to take it.

*******
Javen:
Tovor, somewhere in all that is a question. But what is the question...
That’s a good question, ‘what is the question’. Maybe that was the question. Huh?

*******
Lara:
Pink elephants dancing the Macarena.
Makes a very noisy dance floor, or you have had way too much to drink.
A bored flower sitting in the middle of the desert.
Wonders, “Why am I the only life to sprout in this barren, lifeless wasteland? Am I the ‘One’, the One to bring balance to the desert and open the gates of life again for the other wilted flowers struggling to reach above the hot restraining sands of…”
And at that instant, a passing camel crapped on him and the ‘One’ flower died buried under a pile of excretement, leaving the prophesy unfulfilled.
Give me those keys before...
I ained drung you bith, gimme my keys bagg!

*******

That's all for now. I'm late for work.
You know, years ago I worked for a Turkish man, a man from Turkey. I never thought to call my job working for him Turk Work. :look:

[Angel Starmaster]

I give it a 4.

That's my comment too.

[Plo Koon]

My rating: 3

[Lara]

Some deserve a 3, others deserve a 4.

[Darth Badly]

I love Tovor - he is very funny - but this is painful.

Being funny comes as a natural gift to those who have it.

Putting them in a cage / box in a science lab and saying "be funny... now!" doesn't really work.

I appeal to you all to end this horrible experiment now.

Please.

[Mann]

Tovor: I feel like eating my cousin's socks

[Darth Badly]

Originally posted by Mann@May 22 2003, 03:31 AM
Tovor: I feel like eating my cousin's socks


Do you mean as a result of this thread, or anyway???

[Krogenar]

Here are my four lines, appropriately numbered and vacuum-sealed for freshness:

1. Complete this sentence:

"When I ____ about ____ I ____ myself."

2. Are the Transformers really more than meets the eye?

3. Are raisins truly nature's candy?

4. What would you do, Tovor, for a Klondike Bar?

[Tovor]

I appeal to you all to end this horrible experiment now.
I don't mind, Badly, I really don't. I'll do anything for science, I just don't like it when they probe me anally.

[Tovor]

I feel like eating my cousin's socks
is your cousin a wine maker?

[Tovor]

Complete this sentence:
"When I drink about a gallon I wet myself."
2. Are the Transformers really more than meets the eye?
Sorry, this question isn't funny enough.
3. Are raisins truly nature's candy?
They look like teeny weeny tiny testicles, so to take a viewpoint of a woman, yes they are.
4. What would you do, Tovor, for a Klondike Bar?
I would post a link to nude pics of myself, that's what I would do.
Click here to view Tovor's nakedness: (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?act=ST&f=21&t=4870)
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/w00t.gif

[Blizzard]

Originally posted by Krogenar+May 18 2003, 08:32 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Krogenar @ May 18 2003, 08:32 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'> <!--QuoteBegin-Blizzard@May 17 2003, 01:01 PM
Anything is possible.
... with enough spiral-cut hams. [/b][/quote]
LOL! Thanks, Krogy, Tovey seems to have missed my one liner.

Testicles, that's a 2!!!

[JediKeri.]

*pokes her head in*

I'm not gonna ask... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

*gets out just as fast...

[Javen]

If I could stretch a mile. I would hate the ____ ____

[Plo Koon]

What would a fight between a chicken and a turkey be like?

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Blizzard+May 27 2003, 10:02 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Blizzard @ May 27 2003, 10:02 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'> Originally posted by Krogenar@May 18 2003, 08:32 PM
<!--QuoteBegin-Blizzard@May 17 2003, 01:01 PM
Anything is possible.
... with enough spiral-cut hams.
LOL! Thanks, Krogy, Tovey seems to have missed my one liner.

Testicles, that's a 2!!! [/b][/quote]
Ok... two things:

#1: Nice avatar. I don't know where it's from, or who it is, but I like the sentiment. Another lame ass thread!

#2: Can you explain the comment, "Testicles, that's a 2!!!"

I ... don't get it. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Plo Koon@May 27 2003, 10:59 AM
What would a fight between a chicken and a turkey be like?
The two birds would be caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse.

Wait, this isn't my thread. Sorry. *whaps himself*

[Darth Badly]

Originally posted by Tovor@May 27 2003, 02:28 AM
I appeal to you all to end this horrible experiment now.
I don't mind, Badly, I really don't. I'll do anything for science, I just don't like it when they probe me anally.

I will fight for your dignity and human rights, even if you won't.

[Tovor]

It's like improv, matey. Do you have improv clubs in London? You probably do under a different name. The comedian on stage asks for comments by people in the audience (or by another comedian on stage with him) and he has to come up with something funny in response to what gets thrown at him. That's what I should have named this thread, the Improv Thread. In fact, I just may rename this thread, or close it and start another. I got an idea. Either I'm a good thinker, or the idea's a stinker.

[Darth Badly]

I know what improv is, thank you.

But aren't all comments here improv?

I don't know many posters who use a script.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Darth Badly@May 27 2003, 10:35 PM
I know what improv is, thank you.

But aren't all comments here improv?

I don't know many posters who use a script.
I use a script... all the time!

Just what is your major malfunction Badly? I think it's a good idea. I mean, the thread Insightful and I run is basically just an excuse to make snarky remarks on other people's posts.

I like your idea, Tovor.

It has a certain purity; a poetic potency - just make a statement, any statement, and you'll funnify it.

Here's some new fodder for you Tovor. Slowly I walked, step...by...step...

Bobbi Brown and Whitney Houston believe that they are members of the 'Lost Tribe of Israel'.

Is it true that George Washington Carver (the inventor of peanut butter) went insane in his latter years, while trying to play a phonograph record with a peanut? Or is that just a legend?

Please compose some 'magical' words, like 'abracadaba' or 'alacazoo', that are uniquely Tovorish.

[Tovor]

Awww, older brother Badly is watchin' over me again, being concerned as always. No worries, matey, I may be a court jester but I'm no fool. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif Seriously, no fool, no fooling, the good thing about a thread like this is that if my jokes bomb no one can see me crash on the stage...they can only imagine it. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/w00t.gif


As for all yoos who may be wondering if Badly really is my older bro cause I implied it, shucks no, though we do have the same uncle. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

[Tovor]

I will fight for your dignity and human rights, even if you won't.
Thank God for good samaritans. I need toilet paper and bath towels with that order too, please. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Tovor]

Plo Koon:
My rating: 3
YOu got rated a 3? Don't give up Plo, you'll be number one some day.

[Obidobi]

Is "hancky wancky the same as handcky ****y" ? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unsure.gif

[Tovor]

Testicles, that's a 2!!!
^ Heard in response during the equipment checklist prior to the Gay Pride parade.

[Whitesaber]

Plastic pistols acidly stare at cloudy Democrats as they wickedly giggled at the scintillating water jugs.

[Tovor]

If I could stretch a mile. I would hate the ____ ____
If you could stretch what to a mile, your *****?

If I could stretch a mile, I would hate the cars who keep driving over it.

[Plo Koon]

A mentally challanged person: Riding rancors is fun!

[Tovor]

What would a fight between a chicken and a turkey be like?

Pretty fowl, pretty fowl.

A frolic between France and Micheal Moore.

If the first bird runs away he's a chicken. The second bird would win by default, but hey, he's still a turkey.

The cold cuts aisle at Food Mart.

[Tovor]

Is "hancky wancky* the same as handcky ****y" ?


*I assume you mean what we call "hanky panky", yes?

[Tovor]

Plastic pistols acidly stare at cloudy Democrats as they wickedly giggled at the scintillating water jugs.
Uh, okay. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blink.gif

*Tovor falls off the stage*

[Obidobi]

Originally posted by Tovor@May 30 2003, 04:29 AM
Is "hancky wancky* the same as handcky ****y" ?


*I assume you mean what we call "hanky panky", yes?
No.......I guess you need to be two to"hanky panky" , while you can be alone to "hanky ****y"...... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif

[Tovor]

Heed my advice in Lara's love couch thread, Obidobi. Of course, I get the difference between hanky and handky, it was the panky part that threw me off. And of course, there lies the difference. Hanky ****y is the fun romp atop her, but if she throws you off, then handky is what you have to resort to.

[Blizzard]

Originally posted by Tovor@May 29 2003, 09:08 PM
Testicles, that's a 2!!!
^ Heard in response during the equipment checklist prior to the Gay Pride parade.
LMAO!!!

Krog, I was rating Tovor's testicle response. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blink.gif

[Tovor]

"Krog, I was rating Tovor's testicle..."
You had to know I couldn't pass up this comment. Yes, good counting, Blizz, I still have 2! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/w00t.gif

[Javen]

Originally posted by Tovor@May 29 2003, 09:16 PM
If I could stretch a mile. I would hate the ____ ____
If you could stretch what to a mile, your *****?

If I could stretch a mile, I would hate the cars who keep driving over it.
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/crying.gif

[Plo Koon]

bumped up

[RollaFett]

I actually agree with Badly a little with the end result of this thread, then again, I have my own answer thread (http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?act=ST&f=21&t=2271&st=0#entry75971), so who the hell am I to critcize?!

Ok, so now time for some random comment to draw a humorous response from you, huh? Hmmm....let's see....how about:
'Right now, I'm intentionally listening to a Natalie Imbruglia CD.'

[Tovor]

so who the hell am I to critcize?!
Somebody who doesn't know how to spell criticize should not criticize, or critisize either. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

You're right, this was a good idea but I don't have the time or enthusiasm to follow up with it.

Anyone funny want to take over?
Maybe I will change this to "Improv Night at the Senate, Hosted by Tovor", and give other people each their own night to take the stage and respond to audience comments. Hmm...I am developing an idea now... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/scratchchin.gif

[bodhisattva yoda]

i think it should just be allowed to die in peace. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Tovor]

The average male (human) ***** is 6 inches long. The average female vagina is 8 inches deep. That means in NYC alone there is over 2 miles of unused vagina, a significant waste of resources I'd say.

[Plo Koon]

I raise 2 hands to that.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Tovor@Jun 7 2003, 07:41 AM
The average male (human) ***** is 6 inches long. The average female vagina is 8 inches deep. That means in NYC alone there is over 2 miles of unused vagina, a significant waste of resources I'd say.
Well, first off Tovor, where did you get these facts from? I find your statistical prestidigitation to be highly unctous and disingenuous to boot!

And I also like to know how you manage to get a depth reading, hrm?