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Tovor
03-10-2007, 03:42 AM
http://www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/

:scratchchin: Bothan spies and the grassy knoll?


Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? (http://www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/)

Posted in Conspiracy Theories (http://www.websurdity.com/category/conspiracy-theories/) | Wednesday, February 28th, 2007 | Trackback (http://www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/trackback/)
Websurdity Link: This article was inspired by the fine users at the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF) Forum (http://forums.randi.org/), to whom I am indebted for the use of much of this material.

We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

Like many Americans, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.

Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.

Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions.


Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack


http://www.websurdity.com/images/questionsbook2.jpg

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?


http://www.websurdity.com/images/thepetbantha.jpg

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

Master Magnus
03-10-2007, 04:48 AM
Yeah, I read that earlier this week. A great way of spoofing Loose Change and the sort of "arguments" which are being brought forward.

So, was the DS a conspiracy? :lol:

Tovor
03-10-2007, 09:19 AM
Well according to the theorists, it was a family affair. As for my theory, as Qui-Gon said, nothing happens by accident. I say blame the Force, it has its own agenda. :scratchchin:

thepepgal
03-10-2007, 10:12 AM
I read it a day or so ago, it is very good.

Anything can be spun to be a conspiracy.

I'm amazed it didn't raise the issue of the plans falling conveniently into the hands of Leia on the Tantive IV and how the droids weren't shot at in the escape pod. :giveup:

csr74
03-11-2007, 07:34 PM
Interesting point there, thepepgal. It makes the whole even more suspicious. By the way, that very important figure in the Imperial Government just happened to be in the very same place where those events took place, didn´t he?

bruciarsi
03-12-2007, 02:07 AM
hahaha thats good stuff Tovor

thepepgal
03-12-2007, 07:08 AM
Interesting point there, thepepgal. It makes the whole even more suspicious. By the way, that very important figure in the Imperial Government just happened to be in the very same place where those events took place, didn´t he?

Of course and that same official then interrogated said daughter and was unable to obtain information on the location of the rebel base.:wink:

RollaFett
03-12-2007, 05:02 PM
Ha Ha! Good find there, Tov. 'Tis good to laugh heartily at one's own geekiness.

Darth Massacrus
03-12-2007, 05:20 PM
^oh man, I wish I'd found this thread sooner.


some points: Chief Bast (the guy who offers to have Tarkins shuttle ready) knew (allegedly from Analysis) that there was indeed a danger, yet about 6 months after the battle, was seen perfectly well and alive over Kashyyk, as none other than an aide to Vader! Furthermore, footage from the Death Star (which 'coincidentially' was cut from the final release of the video) shows him conferring with Lord Vader about 'the Princess'. Furthermore, as Chief Bast (a strange rank he held, too, BTW) sat in on command level briefings (including one where Vader strangled an Imperial Admiral) and as an aide to Grand Moff Tarkin, he would have not only had access to rather high levels of data, but would have been able to pass it on to Vader.....

General Cassio Tagge, the man in charge of the defenses of the Death Star and its ground forces, had before the Battle of Yavin rearranged the Death Star's gunnery personnel in alphabetical order, meaning that not only did this affect unit cohesion, but also familiarity with ones settings. This would also, curiously, weaken response time from the Death Star laser and turbolaser gunners, making a starfighter attack that much more likely to succeed. Also, why was an Army General familiar with groung assaults placed in charge of a space stations defenses (a job that should have been held by a Naval officer)? Also, where was Tagge's supposed starfleet (mentioned in a command level briefing) during the Yavin battle? For that matter, why would an Army General even have control of a starfleet in the first place? Lastly, why was a space station that was used to destroy planets equipped with enough ground troops and vehicles to occupy a star system, when if it was only destroying planets, it shouldnt need those Army persons and vehicles? And again, those vehicles cost money, and had to be built by someone, so was a contract given to the companies specifically to waste money on stuff that would never be needed? Someone in the galaxy got rich off that, I tell you.

Sluggo
03-12-2007, 09:14 PM
some points: Chief Bast (the guy who offers to have Tarkins shuttle ready) knew (allegedly from Analysis) that there was indeed a danger, yet about 6 months after the battle, was seen perfectly well and alive over Kashyyk, as none other than an aide to Vader! Furthermore, footage from the Death Star (which 'coincidentially' was cut from the final release of the video) shows him conferring with Lord Vader about 'the Princess'. Furthermore, as Chief Bast (a strange rank he held, too, BTW) sat in on command level briefings (including one where Vader strangled an Imperial Admiral) and as an aide to Grand Moff Tarkin, he would have not only had access to rather high levels of data, but would have been able to pass it on to Vader.....

And there are those that say the Holiday Special isn't good for anything!

Darth Massacrus
03-12-2007, 09:17 PM
well furthermore, you see, that is why the Holiday Special was never shown again, too much info that they dont want you to know....

Sluggo
03-13-2007, 01:50 AM
:rofl:

Darth Massacrus
03-13-2007, 11:49 AM
also, why were two Rebels (one of whom 'coincidentially' Vader's son) able to walk a Wookie (one with an ammunition bandoleer to boot) right past multitudes of Imperial Security Bureau Agents to the Death Stars detention block? This would have happenned nowhere else in the Empire, but it happens to occur on the supposedly invulnerable Ultimate Weapon of the Empire, with plenty of the Empire's secret police in plain sight. I think someone *cough*Vader*cough* must have had prior knowledge of this....

Mothman
03-13-2007, 02:16 PM
......a Wookie (one with an ammunition bandoleer to boot)......

Wow...never thought of that before. You'd think that disarming a prisoner would be standard operating procedure -- and not doing so would arouse at least a little suspicion.


:bye:

Sluggo
03-13-2007, 03:47 PM
Wow...never thought of that before. You'd think that disarming a prisoner would be standard operating procedure -- and not doing so would arouse at least a little suspicion.


:bye:


Now we can't have a naked wookiee running around, now can we? :nahnah:

Darth Massacrus
03-13-2007, 06:14 PM
Furthermore, why did the Death Star not have any anti-starfighter turrets or guns??? Lord Vader was known to have occassionally overseen parts of the Death Star's construction, and as the Empire's second in command could have had such things omitted from the Death Star, to better prepare for a certain pilot destroying the battle station....

Sluggo
03-13-2007, 06:27 PM
The pilot Red Leader was once heard telling the rebel who destroyed the Death Star that he was friends of Vaders when he was just a boy. How far do Vader's connections with rebel sympathizers go?

Mothman
03-13-2007, 06:48 PM
Furthermore, why did the Death Star not have any anti-starfighter turrets or guns???.....

They should have sued the Geonosians for shoddy work.


:bye:

Darth Massacrus
03-13-2007, 08:11 PM
Furthermore, the Death Star as a test, destroyed Despayre, the planet it was built over, along with plenty of slaves that had worked on it. Did they do this in part to silence folks who may have known too much?????

csr74
03-14-2007, 07:43 PM
Intriguing questions, Darth Massacrus. Someone should investigate them more thoroughfully...

thepepgal
03-15-2007, 07:47 AM
Intriguing questions, Darth Massacrus. Someone should investigate them more thoroughfully...

I'll go as long as the Falcon picks me up. Don't want to be late in starting the investigation. :wink:

Darth Massacrus
03-15-2007, 11:53 AM
shocking new development: of all the TIE fighters and craft stationed aboard the Death Star, only one was known to have shields and a hyperdrive: the heavily modified TIE of Darth Vader. Coincidence, or was somebody with advance knowledge planning to escape?????

Alpha-17
03-18-2007, 01:20 AM
Also, according to some accounts a Colonel Veers was able to escape the Death Star. How and why would a Army Colonel be in a position to escape the Death Star, when his men and his commanding officer wasn't? How was this same officer able to escape from a Rebel occupied system and later command the ground assault on the next Rebel Assault, one ordered by Lord Vader? Simple coincidence? I think not.

Darth Massacrus
03-25-2007, 05:02 PM
Excellent point, that also ties in to the high prevalence of ground units and stormtroopers aboard the Death Star. Why was a hero of the Imperial Army and other thousands of units placed on an invulnerable space station that had no need for such things????

thepepgal
03-26-2007, 07:46 AM
There also appears to never been an investigation as how a Corellian freighter was able to escape the death star tractor beam and if the problem was found and fixed. Why was only one needed to be deactivated to render the whole system offline?

They may have gone into battle with no effective tractor beam system. :giveup:

Darth Massacrus
03-26-2007, 12:00 PM
upo further investigation, it has been revealed that the person who disabled the Tractor Beams was none other than the former mentor of ....you guessed it....VADER!!!

Darth Massacrus
04-02-2007, 07:43 PM
NEWS FLASH: it has been revealed that Colonel Wullf Yularen of the Imperial Security Bureau (the Empire's secret police) was not only the senior such officer on the entire battlestation, but also was watching Grand Moff Tarkin for any sign of potential treason, and was prepared to act should Tarkin attempt anything of the manner. Also, as Colonel Yularen sat in on command level briefings, he was able to gather much information on Tarkin. He could have ordered (partly with the assistance of Vader) that the ISB officers stationed near the elevators to the detention block to allow none other than Vader's son and a fugitive Imperial Officer (Han Solo) to bring a wookie warrior and escaped slave (Chewbacca) (who had an entire bandoleer of munitions on his person) to descend into the detention block and rescue Vader's daughter from execution order signed by Tarkin, thus making Tarkin look incompetent for failing to ensure the death of the Princess. This is alluded to in surviving footage from the battlestation, which clearly shows the three fugitives who would go on to destroy the station walking right through dozens of members of the Imperial Security Bureau (identifiable by thier trademark whiteshirts) carrying ammunition and escorting a fugitive slave right into a secure area located in the heart of the Death Star, where a dangerous criminal (Vader's daughter, to boot) was being incarcerated. And even these secret police officers see nothing amiss with this. It's almost as if somebody told them to expect this, and accordingly do nothing to stop it...and the two most likely candidates (Lord Vader and Colonel Yularen) had the means and motive to do just that......