Star Wars: The Ultimate Edit [Archive]

SithWitch

03-19-2003, 03:32 PM

NEW!
STAR WARS: THE ULTIMATE EDIT

Star Wars, Episode III: "That's All Folks" might not really be the end of new Star Wars visions from Lucas, nor from the rest of the world. Fan boys, like John Williams, will certainly yearn for the Ultimate Edition of all six films, united once and for all with a new(er) music score, enhanced effects and perhaps even a few final plot twists. But even then, such a deluxe vision will be subject to the individual whims of millions of DVD owners. There can be no doubt that many fans will conjure their own versions of a galaxy far, far away by creating what they consider to be the "Ultimate Edit."

Custom Fantasies

George Lucas and his companies may have flipped livid over the Phantom Edit, but there is absolutely nothing they can do to prevent me from making my own version of Star Wars once all the DVDust has settled! I have already found it useful to program my play list to skip certain scenes and I am figuring out how to add the deleted scenes to the mix. My Star Wars is customized. How about yours?

It's likely that each of us has different ideas about what makes Star Wars so great. Uncle G and his whiz kid creative teams sure do try to please a wide variety of fans with all manner of things: exploding rocket ships, ultra-fast light saber fights, dazzling fantasy locations, elaborate costumes, plot twists and robot battles, etc. There is hella stuff packed into a Star Wars movie, and some of it is better than the rest. Me, I like the establishing shots of impossible science fiction destinations like Otoh Gunga and the little scenes that help establish character like Anakin saying goodbye to Jira and Luke sharing his woes with Biggs.

Dogfights with space ships are pretty cool too, but I am not so keen on the chase scenes. And a few of the corny deliveries by actors with first names beginning in H could disappear … and I would not complain a whit.

My roommate would conjure up a version of Star Wars that might be called Jar Jar Lite. "There are a couple of plot points that require Jar Jar's assistance, but that poo stepping is entirely irrelevant (and irreverent) and takes us about as far as the pod race does: to no place." So it seems his Ultimate Edit would be poodoo free ... mostly.

Living on Your Own Private Tattooine

Could the whole prequel trilogy be reduced down to just one film, say three hours long? Or should the whole six movie series be further lengthened with deleted scenes and even the forgotten Holiday Special to create the Mega-complete Star Wars Super Edition? What is Star Wars to you?

Why shouldn't one use the power to delete the things they don't like and to add the things they do? Why not really please yourself? It's the same thing as making a mixed tape of songs by your favorite singer: it is no big deal and it has a lot of "purified" entertainment value. Digital pleasures will soon be distilled from George's virtual visions to become a completely customized, post-theatrical treat. With a few simple tools, anybody who is crazy about the Skywalkers will be able to make their own version of the land Lucas built and thanks to the Internet, this myriad of interpretations can be shared with the world.

Copyright questions aside, what stays and what doesn't belong in Star Wars will become an intensely personal thing. My DVD player, mysteriously and of it's own accord, has decided to efficiently skip two scenes: the scene where Obi-Wan whines at Qui-Gon about taking along another pathetic life form and the scene where the pathetic life form whines to his mother about going off on a quest with Obi-Wan.

At first I was inclined to take the DVD back to the store and ask for a new one. But after putting up with the "flaw" a few dozen times, I came to realize the film works just fine without those scenes. In fact, when I stop to think about it, I don't really want whiners in my Star Wars. Well ... I suppose young Luke just has to whine about Toshi Station, doesn't he? I digress … and you see my point.

Indeed, even the creator of the far-flung fantasy, Lucas himself hath plucked scenes and stuck new feathers into the odd fish that finally ended up on the Attack of the Clones DVD. What's more, he may not stop there! In the Episode II commentary track Rob Coleman and Pablo Helman joke that at any time George might make them go back and edit the scene shot on a rainy set in Italy. Phantom Yoda is even eyeballed for tweaking by Lucas, who has never stopped painting and repainting his Galaxy.

Theatres beamed at least a trio of different Clone edits - standard, digital, IMAX - and on the current release of the DVD several scenes have been further "massaged," such as Anakin's confession and Padme's tumble down the dune. The truth seems to be that nobody and nothing is safe from the editor's tweak. Not at Skywalker Ranch and not in my living room!

A Perfect World

First and foremost, I will use the magic power of my home computer to remove the droid factory scene in my Ultimate Edit of Star Wars. Added as an afterthought, it came at the expense of character development at Padme's parents' house and serial continuity with the sorely missed finale space battle.

While offering an opportunity to see R2-D2 fly, the rest of the droid factory scene is nothing more than filler and fluff. The characters achieve nothing and the plot does not thicken. Even the visuals here are not in tune with the rest of the films. It's just digital masturbation in my opinion. Now I am all for masturbation, but not on my favorite films, ok? Gratuitous flesh, maybe (see below). But the gratuitous and artificial peril of the droid factory comes across like an advertisement for Doritos. Um ... yeah.

Don't get me wrong: Ben Snow and the rest of George's "Experiment" victims are amazing when it comes to the Clone War battle scenes later in the film. I am even in favor of adding some of the pre-production animatics footage from the documentaries to my own Ultimate Edit. It's just that the pace and cuts in the Geonosis droid assembly line sequence seem more like a music video than a space opera.

The droid factory sequence somehow lacks the grandness of even just simply following R2-D2 into the clutches of the Jawas or watching our heroes sneak past the Executor to Ewok Village for a few laughs. Frenetic and blurry, the droid factory is just a speed bump. Perhaps the factory scene really does want to be a music video itself: a happy spin-off like the Clone War cartoons, or that fantastic Visual Effects Breakdown Montage in Dex's Kitchen.

I do know a soul who is completely overwhelmed by any glimpse of Hayden, so they would never ever edit out a scene with that boy. But hey, it's a free country, and unless Lucas finds a way to lock down digital recordings in the form he desires, we are all going to be able to get our jolliest of jollies!

Now on to the gratuitous flesh promised earlier … how about the way Natalie moves in that dress at Amidala's Mama's house? Her sister is in a getup like a nun, but Padme bares and bounces in a way that many would agree absolutely does belong in a science fiction serial. This scene must be reincorporated in any Ultimate Edit, not only for the lowly lechery, but also for the excellent character development. I said "Character."

With this scene like no other we see that Padme comes from a place of laughter and love, where children play tag with the robots and everybody eats their broccoli and likes it! Rick McCallum says we can see Padme "melt" in this sequence, and that is an important thing for a Virgin Queen to do if she is ever going to marry the Master of Evil. And it makes the subsequent actions of both characters much more understandable.

On the flipside, that "forbidden kiss" thing has to go. Not only does Hayden's poor-trayal reveal that Lucas had not yet exposed the un-traveled actor to a month of Tunisian dust storms, the scene makes Anakin look tawdry and disrupts what is otherwise a very powerful storyline of unrequited mutual attraction.

Try watching Episode II a few times without the forbidden kiss and see how nicely the film flows. Their romantic roll in the picnic hay is completely unlikely after the unpleasantly rebuffed kiss, but skip the kiss and their lunch meeting makes a nice bridge between morning politics with Jamilla and dinner on the lake.

In fact, that roll in the grass actually suggests a kiss before cutting away. Who can say why Anakin and Padme are in such a good mood later that day? Why are they so happy that night at dinner? What did we miss? Whatever happened in the mists of the multiple waterfalls must have been encouraging, because after dinner Anakin really does make his move ... and still it is merely a verbal plea. Pure Padme denies him now, but at least we know that she too wants to knock some serious Jedi boots and cannot or will not do so.

We then wait for the rest of the epic-length film with this unexplored yet blatantly stated lust building in the background all the way to the Geonosian arena before finally ... at last ... he gets the girl! Not a dry eye in the house. But then again, the Ultimate Edit of Star Wars will be for an audience of one, right?

Scene by scene, fans will evaluate and edit, making decisions based on their own preferences with nary a care about what George wants. Once we pay for a DVD we can do what we want with it as far as editing and playback … right? No longer just for the professionals, try this at home, kids!

Like Mr. Potato Head, a viewer could paste together outrageous versions of the mythic Star Wars saga. Imagine if Lucasfilms supported this fad by issuing Ultimate Edit Deleted Scenes Supplements (a la their recent ScreenThemes) with footage, say, showing Padme placing the coverings on C3PO or the missing bacta tank footage from Episode V and the sand storm scene in Episode VI. John Knoll could even sell simple "color in the lines" software to let consumers apply their own special effects.

Cartoons and Forbidden Wookie Footage

The scrolling text fades into the stars and thus begins twelve hours or so of one giant mega-movie constructed from George' Lucas definitive DVD release, minus a few things here and there, and with the deleted scenes so kindly provided on the DVDs. But why stop there? What is to keep Ultimate Editors from inserting bits and pieces of the visions of others, like the Clone Wars cartoons and the forbidden Holiday Special? Nothing. My Star Wars has Life Day. What about yours?

The nearly forgotten Star Wars Holiday Special can and probably should itself be edited down to about ten minutes. Nestled between A New Hope and Empire on my copy of the Ultimate Edit, the Life Day Short will add lovely character development to Chewbacca and with every viewing you will be able to revisit the Cantina for a drink with Bea Arthur.

Who cares if the production values are a half century old? So long as Carrie Fisher's singing is cut (sorry Carrie), there are some great moments that are going to be included in the Ultimate Edit. Boba Fett made his debut and the Heavy Metalesque sequence fits in to the Star Wars universe about as easily as the pod race and the musical number in Jabba's palace.

Perhaps an intermission between the episodes would be programmed with production shots backed by techno versions of Max Reebo's Greatest Hits, just long enough to make a baloney sandwich and take a trip to the loo. Then back to the show. I have seen some great home videos and Leggo videos with footage that could be added to the Star Wars Ultimate Edit, and there are a number of hilarious audio files with stoned Yoda and worse.

Self-Cameos and Beyond!

Self expression will be sewn into the Homegrown Star Wars Saga. Each Ultimate Editor will come up with something different, adding parts of their own visions to the mythology. Why not put your own picture on the wall in Padme's bedroom for her to gaze upon longingly. Forget Anakin and Paulo, the artist.

If the kind Mr. Knoll does invent a Star Wars Special Effects DVD there will no doubt be a button for inserting yourself into the film as one of the main characters, like replacing the actor with a digital Jabba … only it's you instead of Harrison Ford, or the Sith Witch instead of Darth Maul. All you will need is some LucasArts software and a blue screen. … Please!? ;-)

In the end, many viewers will include only the things they like most in the movies and take out the things they do not. And there should be no grousing about this. Unless folks want to go back to the original cut of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope ... oops, I mean just STAR WARS ... and forbid viewings of the enhanced Special Editions; unless people are so purist that they cannot stand revisions, they need to just accept the ability of others to edit and re-invent their works.

We should embrace this new form of artistic expression in the same way that rap music and Warhol found a home in popular culture. The Fandom Edits will undoubtedly bring up new ideas and reveal interesting new relationships between characters that were there all along, but not as obvious without the edit. We know Dooku is a bad guy, so why not put Padme's plea and trial back? It enhances both Jango and the Geonosians greatly at no expense to repeat viewing pleasures.

The way I see it, if George has seen fit to give us Ewoks, I'm not afraid to replace everything the Wookie says with a swear word. It works (try it!) and I do it out loud every time I watch it anyway … so why not make the dub? You can mix it up a little bit too! Take your time and have fun with your Star Wars!

We Ultimate Editors and viewers will be in no hurry to get out of sticky theatre seats, so why not enjoy the subtle statement of Padme's silver cloak and Anakin's midnight robes as they walk through a shady archway in Naboo? Why not add extra footage from the Boonta Eve Classic? Why not replace the soundtrack with the hoots of wild orangutans and a Pink Floyd album? How far can this go?