Funny EU Quotes

[Darth Massacrus]

heres a thread where you can post funny quotes from the EU.

Example: in KOTOR, one of the things you can call Carth on Taris if you're female is 'lobotomized gamorrean'

[Cydon]

Solo Command:

"And now," Face said, "the two kings (Wes Janson and Runt Ekwesh) fight one another to the death, and we space the loser."
"Whoa there." Janson stood and shook confetti from his hair. "Try again."
"We space the winner?"
"One more."
"We buy you a drink."
"That's more like it."

Last Command:

"But" he whispered "it was so artistically done". -Grand Admiral Thrawn

Pain is the fuel in the engine of civilization - Jacen Solo, Traitor

My capacity for mayhem is undiminished- Mara Jade Skywalker



"If anything happens...the arm comes off." --Corran Horn, Dark Tide II Ruin

Is it a Yuzhaan Vong thing to lose, or just a Domain Shai thing? -- Corran Horn, Dark Tide II: Ruin

The entire conversation between Exar Kun and Corran Horn in I, Jedi.

[Darth Massacrus]

well done.Also, what Mara Jade said to Lord Kun on Yavin is also pretty amusing...

[Cydon]

:lol:

[JediKeri]

Ya gatta love Corran.

[Kapit]

"Yub Yub, Commander."

[Cydon]

Wes Janson

Good one JediKap

[Kapit]

Wes Janson

Good one JediKap



One of my favorite parts of all the books

[Cydon]

Janson is always funny. And what about PeaceofStar's sig?

"You can't look dignified when you're having fun." --Janson

[Luvinna]

Jaina: "Jag, why are all men so stupid?"

Jag: "Biological predisposition."

-- Rebel Stand by Aaron Allston

One of my favorites. :nahnah:



And another, from Mara when she and Luke are talking about the reborn Emperor in Vision of the Future:
"Personally, I'm not convinced it was really him, but that's beside the point."

[Cydon]

Love the second one!

[Kapit]

Basically, any line by the pilots in Starfighters of Adumar is funny, so here's another couple:

"Restraining myself so you could keep up with me left me plenty of time for intellectual pursuits. I also composed a symphony and drafted a plan to bring peace to the galaxy." --Tycho Celchu, to Wes Janson

"Hold your fire, Red Flight. Remember, diplomacy first."
"Leader, this is Three. Diplomacy means saying something soothing as you squeeze the trigger, right?"
“Quiet, Three.” --Wedge and Wes

“I'm so glad people like to wave and shake hands here.”
“Why is that?”
“Well, what if their usual greeting for foreign dignitaries was to throw paint at them?”
“Point taken.” --Wedge and Wes again







i don't have the book here at school, but i remember there was an awesome one about paint spelling their doom or something, i wish i could find it...

[Luvinna]

You just reminded me of this little gem:

"Sithspit! What's that?"

"That's the sun, Wedge. It's after dawn."

"Well, it offends me. Turn it off."

"It's a hundred thirty, hundred forty million klicks from here."

"Go up in your X-wing and shoot it down for me."

I love Aaron Allston. :like:

[Cydon]

:lol: I love this thread!

[Kapit]

You just reminded me of this little gem:

"Sithspit! What's that?"

"That's the sun, Wedge. It's after dawn."

"Well, it offends me. Turn it off."

"It's a hundred thirty, hundred forty million klicks from here."

"Go up in your X-wing and shoot it down for me."

I love Aaron Allston. :like:




oh man, another classic! i LOVE that line too!

damn, i wish i could remember that paint line! i know it's when they were doing duels with paint or something, and i think it actually might've been Hobbie who said something to the effect of "Who would of thought jars of paint would spell our doom?"

[Sam Kenobi]

You just reminded me of this little gem:

"Sithspit! What's that?"

"That's the sun, Wedge. It's after dawn."

"Well, it offends me. Turn it off."

"It's a hundred thirty, hundred forty million klicks from here."

"Go up in your X-wing and shoot it down for me."

I love Aaron Allston. :like:

oh man, another classic! i LOVE that line too!

damn, i wish i could remember that paint line! i know it's when they were doing duels with paint or something, and i think it actually might've been Hobbie who said something to the effect of "Who would of thought jars of paint would spell our doom?"

I was going to put the same one, haha. I typed it a while ago, so here's the full passage:

When Wedge finally left Iella's quarters, Janson moved out from his hiding position to join him. Janson was not graceful going down the stairs; one of his knees tended to pop, and his posture was stiff.

"You're getting old, Wes."

"I am not old. I'm stiff from waiting for hours in that stupid corner. With just three pastries off the Allegiance to sustain me. Hiding out from all the other skulker traffic. Did you get what you wanted from Iella?"

Wedge turned a suprised face towards Janson. "What?"

"The holocomm access to General Cracken? Did she say you could?"

"Oh, that. No." He felt a smile return. Wes was merely baiting him, as usual. "Say, what happened next door, anyway?"

They reached the bottom of the stairs and marched, Janson hobbling, through the foyer toward the street. "The guy we met hit the guy who lived there just as he was going in. They fought for few seconds, and then there was a lot of quiet, and then the guy walked out with the other guy across his soulders. Dead, I think. And me without anyone to bet with."

They reached the street. Wedge was struck sideways by a blast of intense light; he stumbled, threw up his sleeve to block the glare.

"Sithspit! What's that?"

"That's the sun, Wedge. It's after dawn."

"Well, it offends me. Turn it off."

"It's a hundred thirty, hundred fourty million klicks from here."

"Go up in your X-Wing and shoot it down for me."

"You're acting very strangely, chief. Come on, this way." Janson tugged Wedge in the direction of their quarters. "Something else odd happened during the night."

"What?"

"In the darkest, quietest hours-you hardly ever even heard someone swinging on a cable from balcony to balcony, and there were barely two knife fights out there to keep me awake-I thought I heard breathing."

Wedge afforded him an amused glance. "You breathe, don't you? In between fits of bragging, that is."

Janson shool his head, for once completely serious. "When I was just sitting there with my back to the wall, I thought I heard the creak of someone on the stairs. Coming up, I think. I turned to look around the corner and there was no one to be seen . . . though the entire stairwell wasn't lit, of course. Someone could have been standing in the deepest shadows, the way I was in that hallway. I waited and waited and didn't hear anything more, and then I held my breath and listened. I thought I heard someone breathing over there, but eventually there was a roaring in my ears-"

"That old lack of oxygen thing will get you every time. How much brain damage did you suffer?"

"Wedge . . ."

"And, more importantly, was it to any of the parts of your brain that you use, or was it in the majority portion?"

"Wedge . . . I really think someone was spying."

"Well, you should have introduced yourself." Wedge moved over to the street curb and walked along its very edge, balancing like a high-wire walker.

"Wedge, stop acting like a kid. You're embarrassing me."

- Wedge Antilles to Wes Janson regarding Iella Wessiri, Star Wars: X-Wing Series (Book 9) - Starfighters of Adumar (p. 140)

Edit: I was talking to my friend after this, and she said, "Why are boys stupid." I'm sure you can guess what I said.

[Blizzard]

My favorite:

"Believe me, buddy, if I were you, I'd go right up there and ask her if she wants to ride on my rancor." -- Han to Luke in The Courtship of Princess Leia.

[Darth Massacrus]

On Peragus in KOTOR II, one of the things Atton says when The Female Exile finds some clothes is "dammit. I mean good, its uh, distracting, I mean for the droids..."


On Korriban in Kotor 1, if Jolee and HK-47 are in your party when you go see Mekel torture the starving Sith hopefuls outside the Academy, the following dialog takes place

Mekel: oh its wonderful fun. I wonder which one of them will be the last standing

Jolee: why not just shoot them? I t would be more direct...

HK-47: I agree, I would also simply blast the meatbags.

Jolee: Of course thats what *you* would do...

[bendu]

This one holds a warm place in my heart.

"What the Empire would have done was build a super-colossal Yuuzhan Vong-killing battle machine. They would have called it the Nova Colossus or the Galaxy Destructor or the Nostril of Palpatine or something equally grandiose. They would have spent billions of credits, employed thousands of contractors and subcontractors, and equipped it with the latest in death-dealing technology. And you know what would have happened? It wouldn't have worked. They'd forget to bolt down a metal plate over an access hatch leading to the main reactors, or some other mistake, and a hotshot enemy pilot would drop a bomb down there and blow the whole thing up. Now that's what the Empire would have done."
--Han Solo, Destiny's Way

[Kapit]

This one holds a warm place in my heart.

"What the Empire would have done was build a super-colossal Yuuzhan Vong-killing battle machine. They would have called it the Nova Colossus or the Galaxy Destructor or the Nostril of Palpatine or something equally grandiose. They would have spent billions of credits, employed thousands of contractors and subcontractors, and equipped it with the latest in death-dealing technology. And you know what would have happened? It wouldn't have worked. They'd forget to bolt down a metal plate over an access hatch leading to the main reactors, or some other mistake, and a hotshot enemy pilot would drop a bomb down there and blow the whole thing up. Now that's what the Empire would have done."
--Han Solo, Destiny's Way




that is an awesome quote. period. it transcends laughter...it's that funny

[Luvinna]

I have a whole collection coming...

From Rebel Stand just before Luke climbs into that tank of carnivorous red goo:
"Luke, I don't want to discourage your curiosity, but I have to remind you, if something goes wrong, this is an exceptionally embarrasing way to die."
Luke grinned at Mara. "I'll trust you to improve the story. Luke Skywalker goes out in a blaze of glory in battle with a hideous red devourer."

The conversation when he comes out is funny too.
"I guess I forgot to tell the stuff, 'My clothes aren't food, either.' " :lol:

From Specter of the Past when Luke is once again in need of assistance:
"Are you in trouble again, Skywalker?"
"Of course I am," he told Mara Jade. "Have you ever known me when I wasn't?"
"Offhand I can't think of a time," Mara had to admit... "Though I have to say that taking on a whole nest of pirates alone is beyond even your usual audacity level. What are you doing in there, anyway?"
"Attempting to get out," the other answered dryly.

And another from Vision of the Future when Luke and Mara find the hidden entrance to the fortress:
"Sort of brings to mind that archway in Hyllyard City on Myrkr, doesn't it?"
"You mean the big mushroom-shaped thing you did your best to drop on us?" she countered. "The one we had to grind our way through three days' worth of forest to get to? The one where half the stormtroopers in the Empire were sitting around waiting for us to show up?"
"That's the place," he said, and she could sense his amusement at her recitation. "You left out where you wanted to kill me more than anything else in the galaxy."
"I was young then," Mara said briefly...

And last, but not least (for now), from Union, the evening after Mara's dress fitting:
Luke: "No, Mara, I understand what happened. I just don't understand how you consider your day uneventful."
Mara: "It's not the same as what happened to you last night. You started a riot."
Luke: "And you just disabled an assassin."
Mara: "He was a kook."
Luke: "No, turns out he used to be an Imperial Guardsman."
Mara: "Well, I didn't disable him."
Luke: "Ruptured spleen, bruised liver, broken ribs, fractured skull."
Mara: "See, nothing bacta can't fix."


Today was my Luke and Mara post. Expect Han and Leia sometime in the near future. :D

[Luvinna]

Edit: I was talking to my friend after this, and she said, "Why are boys stupid." I'm sure you can guess what I said.
Biological predisposition? :wink:

[Kapit]

Biological predisposition? :wink:




Yep, that's it

[Cydon]

:lol: Wish I was there for that!

[Darth Massacrus]

great quotes Sens, great quotes....http://www.galacticsenate.com/images/icons/icon14.gif

[Sam Kenobi]

Biological predisposition? :wink:

Yep, that's it

Correctomundo.

One of the only things I liked about The Dark Nest Trilogy was in the first novel. Han says, "Bugs. Why did it have to be bugs." Or something really similar. Paralleling Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. ("Snakes . . . ")

[Cydon]

:lol: Yeah, I just read that part yesterday!

[Darth Massacrus]

heres one of my favorite HK-47 quotes (from K1)

Statement: after all, there are a LOT of politicains on Coruscant. I could spend decade slaughtering them, and still not make a dent.



kinda makes you wonder ho many bureaucrats there are then....

[Darill Cyllem]

I really like the part from one of the Wraith Squadron books (can't remember how it goes exactly) - they're getting ready for a mission, and someone says: "May the Force be with you."

"I think i've got some Force here in my pocket. You guys can have it.... No, wait! It's not there... maybe it's in my cargo...."
:rofl:

May the Force be with you all - this is my first GS post!

[PeaceofStar]

"In CorSec, we had a saying about that. If one person calls you a Hutt, ignore him. If another person calls you a Hutt, start to wonder. If a third person calls you a Hutt, buy a drool bucket and start stockpiling spice." - Corran

"Pretty. What do we blow up first?" - Myn Donos

[Darill Cyllem]

I love how Yoda's humorous side is shown in Dark Rendezvous - going around disguised as an R2, etc. One of my favorite parts is when Scout says to Yoda: "Yes, exactly! How did you know?"
"Secret shall I tell you?" He leaned in close, so she could feel his whiskers rasping against her face. "Grand Master of Jedi Order am I!" he said loudly right in her ear. "Won this job in a raffle did I, think you?" He snuffed and waved his stubby fingers in the air. "How did you know, how did you know, Master Yoda?" he said mincingly, followed by another snort. "Master Yoda knows these things. His job it is."

Brilliant.
Love Master Yoda.

[bendu]

I forget how good that book is at portraying Yoda. One of the best Clone War books. Plus that quote is hilarious. I sometimes wish these scenes could be filmed just so some of the none book readers could experience how rich the EU can really be.

[Darill Cyllem]

I agree - i love getting more of the Jedi lore and stuff about the Force, especially. Is there anything better than snorting with laughter to yourself on the bus with your nose in a star wars novel? Maybe that's just me....
And a bit off topic.

I also like the part in Shatterpoint where Master Windu, totally unperturbed by imposed nudity, procedes to lay the hurt on some local "law" enforcement goons. Classic.

[Sam Kenobi]

Sometimes I forget how good the Clone Wars books are.

MedStar; the part where the wook tears off a droids arms. I love little back story lines like that.

[Darill Cyllem]

The MedStar books do have a lot of good stuff... can't remember anything specific at the mo....
The Sullustan reporter was great.

[Darth Massacrus]

in KOTOR, after you find out you are Revan, you can talk with HK-47, and he will reveal that the original 'meatbag' was none other than Malak himself, and that Revan had reprogrammed him to call everyone that.

[silverbolt]

"Yub Yub, Commander."

thats what i was gonna say

[Darth Massacrus]

another good KOTOR 2 quote:


on Dantooine, the salvager Daraala makes the following remark:

"more salvagers here are about as welcome as a diarrhetic Hutt"

while funny, do yourself a favor and try not to think to much about this line....

[expandeduniverse]

"Don't worry, Han always shoots first" -Leia in Betrayal.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v137/strider2004/DSCN2777.jpg

[Sam Kenobi]

LOL! I didn't catch that.

And I have that signature too. 5 by him, actually. Including a "Yub Yub," and a "Janson says hi."

[expandeduniverse]

And I have that signature too. 5 by him, actually. Including a "Yub Yub," and a "Janson says hi."

Excellent.

This isn't a quote from the novels or the comics, but I find it full of hilarity:

"Star Wars will never be on home video." --George Lucas

:scratchchin:

[RedMirax]

Anything Wes says is genius and Starfighters of Adumar is the best book ever!

My favorite line is about Wes, when Shalla tells him, " Nice rear, Lieutenant.". I used to have that as my sig! :)

[expandeduniverse]

It's interesting how most of the humorous parts in the Star Wars EU come from Allston.

[Darth Massacrus]

or HK-47. Like the following:

HK47: diagnostic running, why it appears I have suffered considerable damage and dismemberment, and my central control cluster seems to have taken several repeated blaster shots at close range. How crude. In addition, all my existing assassination protocols seem to be lost. Furthermore, I seem to have no discrretionary control over my vocabulator, causing me to reveal my function as an assassin droid of unrivalled sophistication.

[Braden Dar]

I find Jacen Solo's trademark line "blaster bolts" to be odd in a slightly funny way.

I admit it isn't hilariousut it makes me grin thinking about him uttering it for almost every occassion.

[Sam Kenobi]

"Fact."

[BoHeDia]

"I am slain...what mischance ever brought me to this dismal world, where bags of paint would spell my doom!" --Wes Janson

^ starfighters of adumar...

[Sam Kenobi]

I think that whole book could be posted in here.