Sarah-Leia
01-18-2007, 09:54 AM
This is my fan fiction, it's not actually finished yet but is already quite long. I think it's set just after the end of the Yuuzhan Vong war, and it hasn't got much action but I think it's quite humorous and even my friend who isn't too keen on Star Wars said
hahahahahahahha i reallly like it!!!!!!!!
rofl lmao
I guess it has a lot of jokes and stuff like that, but no fights - not yet - and by the way it is basically Mara, Leia, Han, Jacen, Jaina vs. Luke. . .but you'll have to read it to understand.
Warning: EXTREME Luke lovers may not really like it.
Oh and it does say "Chapter 1, 2" and so on but the chapters are really really short.
Alone Once More
Chapter 1
Heaving a sigh, Luke Skywalker rose from his bed and walked over to the window. He stood there, silently, watching the morning sun highlight the busy activities of Coruscant. He waited, waited for the soft hand on his shoulder, the gentle voice whispering something lovingly in his ear. Then he remembered. "Oh, who am I kidding, like that's ever going to happen again." Mara was gone, and she wasn't coming back. A week had gone by since their blowout. A whole week since Mara took their son Ben and went to stay with Han and Leia. Luke, as he had been for so much of his life, was alone once more. He'd been living on congealed pizza and gukked eggs, the only food he could find. He was never one to cook. Let alone do anything around the apartment. "Gosh, this place is a mess. How can I keep living like this?" Luke sat back down on the rumpled bed sheets, his head in his hands.
"You took Mara for granted. She had good reason to leave." Luke turned his head to see the spirit of Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting next to him, arms folded, with a smug expression on his glowing, transparent face. The younger Jedi indulged himself in some whining, using a voice almost forgotten after the death of his uncle and aunt. "But Mara wasn't supposed to leave. She's my wife! She's supposed to stay here, and look after Ben, and do housework, and cook! She wasn't supposed to go. And now Leia won't even give me the keys to their apartment. It just isn't fair!" In a fit of rage, Luke picked up an empty beer bottle and smashed it against the mirror. Obi-Wan's spirit had disappeared.
Chapter 2
Mara Jade smiled as she watched her son use the Force to make a tower of building blocks. That kid sure was talented; because with the exception of Luke, nobody but a Skywalker would be able to make a tower 3m high without it falling down. It was the first time in a long while that she had seen Ben smiling. He still didn't understand why he hadn't seen his dad in such a long time. He knew nothing about the long nights his mother had waited anxiously, hoping that her husband was not in trouble or her anguish when she discovered his affair with one of his Padawans. When she burst into his room, holding two small suitcases and took him outside where an air taxi was waiting, the only harried reply that the young boy received was, "We just need a holiday, Ben." For most of the ride, Ben still didn't know their destination. He became excited and started talking about where they could be going. They'd swim every day in the lakes of Naboo, or live in a cool underground cave on Tatooine. He was almost disappointed when the taxi pulled up at the Solo apartment.
But Mara knew that her son enjoyed himself when he was around his cousins. Ben was up to his cheeky antics again; she laughed as her son purposely abandoned the Force power and sent the tower of wooden blocks crashing down on his cousin Jacen Solo's head. Yet Mara’s emotions were mixed. She knew that she could not go back to Luke; it had been the 2nd time she had caught him cheating on her. Once before she had put aside all but her love for him, and taken him back, but she knew that this time she would have to put her foot down. She and Ben would not be going back. Of course she would let Ben see his father when he wanted to, but for most of his childhood he would live with her. Mara would find a well-paid job; she had plenty of other skills. She couldn’t continue being a Jedi, not with her husband, or soon to be ex-husband, as the Grand Master.
They would buy a small, cozy apartment, perhaps close to Leia’s, and live a perfectly normal life. She would have to decide whether Ben would continue his Jedi training with Luke. Perhaps she could train her son herself, in the evenings after she’d come home from work. Mara stared out the window, into Coruscant’s atmosphere, thick with vehicles carrying happy people going about their happy lives. Tears started to roll down her cheek as she remembered all the wonderful times she and Luke had together, and how it could possibly have come to this.
Chapter 3
“Mara, lunch is ready. It’s on the table.” Leia stood behind her sister-in-law, waiting for an answer. “I’m fine, thanks, Leia. I’ll be there in a minute.” came the choked reply. Mara still did not turn her head, but Leia could hear the younger woman crying. She sat next to her brother’s wife on the window-seat and put her arm around her. “Leia! Are you coming here or not? We’re getting hungry!” Leia heard Han shouting to her. Obviously they were getting hungry. “You can start yourselves! Mara isn’t feeling so good!” To Mara, who was now sobbing, she said in a soothing voice, “There, there. You’ve been hurt. You take as long as you want, you can stay here as long as you need to, and remember, we’ll always welcome you.” Leia let Mara lean on her and cry her eyes out. It was a bit hard; Mara was taller than her. It pained Leia to see her sister-in-law like this; she’d only ever seen Mara Jade as an incredibly strong woman with a will of steel.
She was furious at the thought that the selfishness of one man, her own brother, could reduce his wife to this. She knew that betrayal ran in the family; her father, Luke’s father, had been Anakin Skywalker, Darth Vader, the man who led down the entire Jedi Order of the Old Republic, who had tortured her, who had tortured Luke and Han, but she also knew that he had never cheated on his wife. He had loved Padmé Amidala too much, and that brought about his downfall. Leia thought about herself; she had never been unfaithful to Han, even when he turned to alcoholism and briefly left the family after Chewbacca died.
Leia’s thoughts were interrupted when she realised that Mara had fallen asleep, her face still streaked with tears.
Chapter 4
Luke started picking up the shards of the mirror that had once hung on the wall. It was Mara’s gift to him, a token of her love. She had carefully inscribed these words on the glass:
Don’t cheat,
Don’t lie,
And we’ll be happy,
You and I.
Luke knew that his wife had spent hours carving those precious words into the glass. Even little Ben had scratched a little smiley face in the corner. Luke Skywalker never guessed that his life would end like this. “I broke the mirror, seven years of bad luck, yeah right. I’ve had it all my life.” He sighed, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. “Oh, they’re all right. I’m getting old. I shouldn’t be going out with girls half my age. But if it’s the last thing Luke Skywalker, I mean I, will ever do, I’ve got to get Mara back. Now, where does Leia live again? Oh dear, I hope I haven’t thrown my speeder keys out the window.”
Plunging his green air speeder into the Coruscant headwind messed up Luke’s hair even more and made his eyes sting. He ignored the traffic rules and marked lanes, taking the quickest possible route to his sister’s apartment, regardless of whether he was allowed to fly there or not. Irritated drivers blew their horns and cursed at Luke as he swerved through the throngs of speeders. Suddenly, Luke heard a quiet voice in his head. It was not the first sign of insanity.
“You just had to go and mess it up, didn’t you Luke? You were blessed with the best girl in the world and you HAD to mess it up.”
It was obvious that Leia was angry. Angry, hurt and willing to do anything to protect her best friend.
“Come on, Leia, just listen to me for once. You don’t know what really happened! You- -“
He stopped. Leia had withdrawn herself from the Force in an act of defiance. “Ok, maybe I’ll just call her. She can’t disable the holo line.”
Han answered the call, looking irritated. “Look, this better be important cause I’m just about to eat lunch – oh. It’s you.”
“Look, Han, can I talk to Leia? It’s just this whole thing, I want to clear some things up with her, make sure she—“
Luke was cut off by Han’s sarcastic remark, “No, you can’t, because she’s busy fetching’ tissues for that wreck you turned your wife into. My god, Luke, you just couldn’t help yourself. You’re a disgrace to your family and to your name.”
With that last bitter comeback, the holocall was cut off and Luke was again left flying in silence.
Chapter 5
“Jacen, get the door, but be careful, it’s your uncle.”
“Yes, mother.”
Jacen strode to the door and peered at the small screen offering a view of the lobby. The intercom crackled into life and Luke heard his nephew’s voice. “Hello Uncle, it’s been a while since we’ve seen you. I’d let you in but I really don’t feel like reaching over and pressing the button right now and I don’t want to risk Aunt Mara getting brain damage by seeing you again.”
Luke frowned at the camera above his head. “Don’t you speak to me like that, Jacen. Stay out of this and let me talk to your mother.”
“Mum! Uncle wants to talk to you about something, I can’t imagine what about,” he smirked, and started to walk away. Leia caught him on the arm, subtly turned on the intercom and warned her son, “Jacen, you will keep your manners at all times, even if you are dealing with a stuck-up arrogant fool who breaks girls’ hearts for a living.”
“Leia! I heard that!” Leia turned to glance at the screen next to the door.
“Whoops! I guess I turned the intercom on. Silly me.” She sighed, pursed her lips and stared at the wall next to the screen. “Fine, I guess you can come in, but this is my house, and you will follow my rules.”
“What, Mum, you let him in, just like that? Do you realise, by doing that, you’ve probably just traumatised Aunt Mara for ever!”
“Jacen, your aunt is a strong woman. I haven’t seen anything she can’t beat. My god, she even beat a disease that killed every other being it touched! She can handle this. She just needs time.” Leia stood up, brushed off her dress and glared at her son. “I’ll take care of Luke. Trust me. I’m gonna make up for 19 years of lost sibling rivalry.”
Chapter 6
“Han, you took your time to open the door.” Luke tried to break the ice. Han just stared back and sarcastically replied, “Well, in my old age, my fingers aren’t what they used to be.” It was not a witty remark; it was cool indifference that betrayed no interest in whether Luke wanted the door to open quickly or not.
“Leia wants to speak to you,” Han commented, as he walked out the door, not caring if Luke would ask where he was going.
“And where are you going?” Luke turned around to face a closed door. “Why do I care, anyway, what he does?”
“Luke. Come here.” Leia’s voice was coming from the kitchen. She didn’t sound happy. “I need to speak to you.”
“Yeah, I kinda got the message, Leia.” Luke took a moment to study his surroundings. The usual quiet order of Han and Leia’s apartment was disrupted. It was obvious that Ben was around.
“Just come in here, damn it Luke! Just listen to me for once!” Luke walked into the kitchen to find Leia holding a mug of steaming caf in his face. “Caf?” For a moment, Luke could swear that he saw his sister’s face soften, but in the next second it was back to the mask of cool and controlled anger.
“Thanks. Nothing like caf on a cold winter’s morning.” He chuckled nervously, still trying to make light of the situation. Leia merely glared back at him and hardened her gaze. Luke took a small sip of the caf and immediately spluttered and sprayed it out all over the floor, his boots and Leia’s white dress. “Leave out the sugar, why don’t you?”
“I don’t take sugar in my caf. Han doesn’t take sugar in his caf. Jacen and Jaina do not take sugar in their caf. So I do not buy sugar. It makes sense. I thought you knew that.”
“Leia, this doesn’t even taste like caf. What is it, really?”
“It’s your son’s first attempt at making me breakfast. I watched him. Want to know what you’re drinking? Try ground root leaf, black pepper, soy sauce and a foul mix of watered-down peanut butter and vinegar. That is what you’re drinking. No wonder it needs sugar.”
“What? Why the hell did you make me drink this?” Luke glared at his sister in disbelief while wiping the thick concoction off his boots.
“Let’s just say that as a kid I never got a chance to play a prank on you, big brother.” Leia’s face was a picture of innocence and naivety. No matter how old she got, she never looked a day more than thirty. “This is the kind of thing I’d do if we were fifteen and you’d just dumped my best friend for the most popular girl in the class. It’s called sibling rivalry, Luke. I am declaring war.”
Chapter 7
Han slammed the front door and walked into the kitchen, only to find Luke holding a mug of sludge, washing his mouth out and Leia innocently making a cheese sandwich.
“I hate to interrupt your tea party, but your speeder is ready, Master Jedi.” The words were spat with such emphasis that Luke again sprayed water all over the kitchen.
“What’d you do to my speeder?” Luke stared suspiciously at his brother-in-law. “Did you cut the brakes? I sense foul play.”
“Hey, hey, don’t jump to conclusions, kid.” Luke hated it when Han called him ‘kid’, and Han knew it. “I just walked past and it said to me ‘Hey, why don’t you go get Luke and he can drive me home now?’”
“Han,” Luke sighed, “My speeder doesn’t talk like that.”
“Um,” Leia was trying to speak, her mouth full of cheese. “I actually heard her talk once, she was like ‘Ooh, hello, I’m Sandy Speedster,’” Leia mimicked in an incredibly high voice, “’I can take you to wherever you want to go, Luke.’”
“Aw, come on Leia, my speeder can’t talk.”
”Yeah, and Jedi Grand Master’s can’t cheat on their wives. Can your brainregister this? Get out, Luke. Out of my house. Now.”
“Hey, can’t I at least see Ben for a minute? I want to talk to him!”
“Sorry, but your son is busy, he has a life, you know. Just leave, okay? I’m not gonna sit around all day trying to spell it out, get out of my house this minute.”
“Fine. You want war? You’ll get war. This isn’t the last you’ll see of me, Leia.”
As the door rolled shut behind Luke, Leia turned to her husband, smiled and said, “What did you do to his speeder, Han? You didn’t cut the brakes, did you? He may be a lying, conniving cheat but murder isn’t the way to go.”
“I told you, I didn’t do anything to the damn speeder. Ahem, except for disabling the comlink system and inbuilt navigator, emptying most of the fuel and putting stink bombs under the seat.”
“Fabulous.”
“And where’d a nice girl like you learn how to speak to people like you talked to Luke?”
Leia stood up and put the bread back in the cooler. “You taught me,” she said dryly.
“Absolutely unbelievable. That is so unlike me, huh?”
hahahahahahahha i reallly like it!!!!!!!!
rofl lmao
I guess it has a lot of jokes and stuff like that, but no fights - not yet - and by the way it is basically Mara, Leia, Han, Jacen, Jaina vs. Luke. . .but you'll have to read it to understand.
Warning: EXTREME Luke lovers may not really like it.
Oh and it does say "Chapter 1, 2" and so on but the chapters are really really short.
Alone Once More
Chapter 1
Heaving a sigh, Luke Skywalker rose from his bed and walked over to the window. He stood there, silently, watching the morning sun highlight the busy activities of Coruscant. He waited, waited for the soft hand on his shoulder, the gentle voice whispering something lovingly in his ear. Then he remembered. "Oh, who am I kidding, like that's ever going to happen again." Mara was gone, and she wasn't coming back. A week had gone by since their blowout. A whole week since Mara took their son Ben and went to stay with Han and Leia. Luke, as he had been for so much of his life, was alone once more. He'd been living on congealed pizza and gukked eggs, the only food he could find. He was never one to cook. Let alone do anything around the apartment. "Gosh, this place is a mess. How can I keep living like this?" Luke sat back down on the rumpled bed sheets, his head in his hands.
"You took Mara for granted. She had good reason to leave." Luke turned his head to see the spirit of Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting next to him, arms folded, with a smug expression on his glowing, transparent face. The younger Jedi indulged himself in some whining, using a voice almost forgotten after the death of his uncle and aunt. "But Mara wasn't supposed to leave. She's my wife! She's supposed to stay here, and look after Ben, and do housework, and cook! She wasn't supposed to go. And now Leia won't even give me the keys to their apartment. It just isn't fair!" In a fit of rage, Luke picked up an empty beer bottle and smashed it against the mirror. Obi-Wan's spirit had disappeared.
Chapter 2
Mara Jade smiled as she watched her son use the Force to make a tower of building blocks. That kid sure was talented; because with the exception of Luke, nobody but a Skywalker would be able to make a tower 3m high without it falling down. It was the first time in a long while that she had seen Ben smiling. He still didn't understand why he hadn't seen his dad in such a long time. He knew nothing about the long nights his mother had waited anxiously, hoping that her husband was not in trouble or her anguish when she discovered his affair with one of his Padawans. When she burst into his room, holding two small suitcases and took him outside where an air taxi was waiting, the only harried reply that the young boy received was, "We just need a holiday, Ben." For most of the ride, Ben still didn't know their destination. He became excited and started talking about where they could be going. They'd swim every day in the lakes of Naboo, or live in a cool underground cave on Tatooine. He was almost disappointed when the taxi pulled up at the Solo apartment.
But Mara knew that her son enjoyed himself when he was around his cousins. Ben was up to his cheeky antics again; she laughed as her son purposely abandoned the Force power and sent the tower of wooden blocks crashing down on his cousin Jacen Solo's head. Yet Mara’s emotions were mixed. She knew that she could not go back to Luke; it had been the 2nd time she had caught him cheating on her. Once before she had put aside all but her love for him, and taken him back, but she knew that this time she would have to put her foot down. She and Ben would not be going back. Of course she would let Ben see his father when he wanted to, but for most of his childhood he would live with her. Mara would find a well-paid job; she had plenty of other skills. She couldn’t continue being a Jedi, not with her husband, or soon to be ex-husband, as the Grand Master.
They would buy a small, cozy apartment, perhaps close to Leia’s, and live a perfectly normal life. She would have to decide whether Ben would continue his Jedi training with Luke. Perhaps she could train her son herself, in the evenings after she’d come home from work. Mara stared out the window, into Coruscant’s atmosphere, thick with vehicles carrying happy people going about their happy lives. Tears started to roll down her cheek as she remembered all the wonderful times she and Luke had together, and how it could possibly have come to this.
Chapter 3
“Mara, lunch is ready. It’s on the table.” Leia stood behind her sister-in-law, waiting for an answer. “I’m fine, thanks, Leia. I’ll be there in a minute.” came the choked reply. Mara still did not turn her head, but Leia could hear the younger woman crying. She sat next to her brother’s wife on the window-seat and put her arm around her. “Leia! Are you coming here or not? We’re getting hungry!” Leia heard Han shouting to her. Obviously they were getting hungry. “You can start yourselves! Mara isn’t feeling so good!” To Mara, who was now sobbing, she said in a soothing voice, “There, there. You’ve been hurt. You take as long as you want, you can stay here as long as you need to, and remember, we’ll always welcome you.” Leia let Mara lean on her and cry her eyes out. It was a bit hard; Mara was taller than her. It pained Leia to see her sister-in-law like this; she’d only ever seen Mara Jade as an incredibly strong woman with a will of steel.
She was furious at the thought that the selfishness of one man, her own brother, could reduce his wife to this. She knew that betrayal ran in the family; her father, Luke’s father, had been Anakin Skywalker, Darth Vader, the man who led down the entire Jedi Order of the Old Republic, who had tortured her, who had tortured Luke and Han, but she also knew that he had never cheated on his wife. He had loved Padmé Amidala too much, and that brought about his downfall. Leia thought about herself; she had never been unfaithful to Han, even when he turned to alcoholism and briefly left the family after Chewbacca died.
Leia’s thoughts were interrupted when she realised that Mara had fallen asleep, her face still streaked with tears.
Chapter 4
Luke started picking up the shards of the mirror that had once hung on the wall. It was Mara’s gift to him, a token of her love. She had carefully inscribed these words on the glass:
Don’t cheat,
Don’t lie,
And we’ll be happy,
You and I.
Luke knew that his wife had spent hours carving those precious words into the glass. Even little Ben had scratched a little smiley face in the corner. Luke Skywalker never guessed that his life would end like this. “I broke the mirror, seven years of bad luck, yeah right. I’ve had it all my life.” He sighed, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. “Oh, they’re all right. I’m getting old. I shouldn’t be going out with girls half my age. But if it’s the last thing Luke Skywalker, I mean I, will ever do, I’ve got to get Mara back. Now, where does Leia live again? Oh dear, I hope I haven’t thrown my speeder keys out the window.”
Plunging his green air speeder into the Coruscant headwind messed up Luke’s hair even more and made his eyes sting. He ignored the traffic rules and marked lanes, taking the quickest possible route to his sister’s apartment, regardless of whether he was allowed to fly there or not. Irritated drivers blew their horns and cursed at Luke as he swerved through the throngs of speeders. Suddenly, Luke heard a quiet voice in his head. It was not the first sign of insanity.
“You just had to go and mess it up, didn’t you Luke? You were blessed with the best girl in the world and you HAD to mess it up.”
It was obvious that Leia was angry. Angry, hurt and willing to do anything to protect her best friend.
“Come on, Leia, just listen to me for once. You don’t know what really happened! You- -“
He stopped. Leia had withdrawn herself from the Force in an act of defiance. “Ok, maybe I’ll just call her. She can’t disable the holo line.”
Han answered the call, looking irritated. “Look, this better be important cause I’m just about to eat lunch – oh. It’s you.”
“Look, Han, can I talk to Leia? It’s just this whole thing, I want to clear some things up with her, make sure she—“
Luke was cut off by Han’s sarcastic remark, “No, you can’t, because she’s busy fetching’ tissues for that wreck you turned your wife into. My god, Luke, you just couldn’t help yourself. You’re a disgrace to your family and to your name.”
With that last bitter comeback, the holocall was cut off and Luke was again left flying in silence.
Chapter 5
“Jacen, get the door, but be careful, it’s your uncle.”
“Yes, mother.”
Jacen strode to the door and peered at the small screen offering a view of the lobby. The intercom crackled into life and Luke heard his nephew’s voice. “Hello Uncle, it’s been a while since we’ve seen you. I’d let you in but I really don’t feel like reaching over and pressing the button right now and I don’t want to risk Aunt Mara getting brain damage by seeing you again.”
Luke frowned at the camera above his head. “Don’t you speak to me like that, Jacen. Stay out of this and let me talk to your mother.”
“Mum! Uncle wants to talk to you about something, I can’t imagine what about,” he smirked, and started to walk away. Leia caught him on the arm, subtly turned on the intercom and warned her son, “Jacen, you will keep your manners at all times, even if you are dealing with a stuck-up arrogant fool who breaks girls’ hearts for a living.”
“Leia! I heard that!” Leia turned to glance at the screen next to the door.
“Whoops! I guess I turned the intercom on. Silly me.” She sighed, pursed her lips and stared at the wall next to the screen. “Fine, I guess you can come in, but this is my house, and you will follow my rules.”
“What, Mum, you let him in, just like that? Do you realise, by doing that, you’ve probably just traumatised Aunt Mara for ever!”
“Jacen, your aunt is a strong woman. I haven’t seen anything she can’t beat. My god, she even beat a disease that killed every other being it touched! She can handle this. She just needs time.” Leia stood up, brushed off her dress and glared at her son. “I’ll take care of Luke. Trust me. I’m gonna make up for 19 years of lost sibling rivalry.”
Chapter 6
“Han, you took your time to open the door.” Luke tried to break the ice. Han just stared back and sarcastically replied, “Well, in my old age, my fingers aren’t what they used to be.” It was not a witty remark; it was cool indifference that betrayed no interest in whether Luke wanted the door to open quickly or not.
“Leia wants to speak to you,” Han commented, as he walked out the door, not caring if Luke would ask where he was going.
“And where are you going?” Luke turned around to face a closed door. “Why do I care, anyway, what he does?”
“Luke. Come here.” Leia’s voice was coming from the kitchen. She didn’t sound happy. “I need to speak to you.”
“Yeah, I kinda got the message, Leia.” Luke took a moment to study his surroundings. The usual quiet order of Han and Leia’s apartment was disrupted. It was obvious that Ben was around.
“Just come in here, damn it Luke! Just listen to me for once!” Luke walked into the kitchen to find Leia holding a mug of steaming caf in his face. “Caf?” For a moment, Luke could swear that he saw his sister’s face soften, but in the next second it was back to the mask of cool and controlled anger.
“Thanks. Nothing like caf on a cold winter’s morning.” He chuckled nervously, still trying to make light of the situation. Leia merely glared back at him and hardened her gaze. Luke took a small sip of the caf and immediately spluttered and sprayed it out all over the floor, his boots and Leia’s white dress. “Leave out the sugar, why don’t you?”
“I don’t take sugar in my caf. Han doesn’t take sugar in his caf. Jacen and Jaina do not take sugar in their caf. So I do not buy sugar. It makes sense. I thought you knew that.”
“Leia, this doesn’t even taste like caf. What is it, really?”
“It’s your son’s first attempt at making me breakfast. I watched him. Want to know what you’re drinking? Try ground root leaf, black pepper, soy sauce and a foul mix of watered-down peanut butter and vinegar. That is what you’re drinking. No wonder it needs sugar.”
“What? Why the hell did you make me drink this?” Luke glared at his sister in disbelief while wiping the thick concoction off his boots.
“Let’s just say that as a kid I never got a chance to play a prank on you, big brother.” Leia’s face was a picture of innocence and naivety. No matter how old she got, she never looked a day more than thirty. “This is the kind of thing I’d do if we were fifteen and you’d just dumped my best friend for the most popular girl in the class. It’s called sibling rivalry, Luke. I am declaring war.”
Chapter 7
Han slammed the front door and walked into the kitchen, only to find Luke holding a mug of sludge, washing his mouth out and Leia innocently making a cheese sandwich.
“I hate to interrupt your tea party, but your speeder is ready, Master Jedi.” The words were spat with such emphasis that Luke again sprayed water all over the kitchen.
“What’d you do to my speeder?” Luke stared suspiciously at his brother-in-law. “Did you cut the brakes? I sense foul play.”
“Hey, hey, don’t jump to conclusions, kid.” Luke hated it when Han called him ‘kid’, and Han knew it. “I just walked past and it said to me ‘Hey, why don’t you go get Luke and he can drive me home now?’”
“Han,” Luke sighed, “My speeder doesn’t talk like that.”
“Um,” Leia was trying to speak, her mouth full of cheese. “I actually heard her talk once, she was like ‘Ooh, hello, I’m Sandy Speedster,’” Leia mimicked in an incredibly high voice, “’I can take you to wherever you want to go, Luke.’”
“Aw, come on Leia, my speeder can’t talk.”
”Yeah, and Jedi Grand Master’s can’t cheat on their wives. Can your brainregister this? Get out, Luke. Out of my house. Now.”
“Hey, can’t I at least see Ben for a minute? I want to talk to him!”
“Sorry, but your son is busy, he has a life, you know. Just leave, okay? I’m not gonna sit around all day trying to spell it out, get out of my house this minute.”
“Fine. You want war? You’ll get war. This isn’t the last you’ll see of me, Leia.”
As the door rolled shut behind Luke, Leia turned to her husband, smiled and said, “What did you do to his speeder, Han? You didn’t cut the brakes, did you? He may be a lying, conniving cheat but murder isn’t the way to go.”
“I told you, I didn’t do anything to the damn speeder. Ahem, except for disabling the comlink system and inbuilt navigator, emptying most of the fuel and putting stink bombs under the seat.”
“Fabulous.”
“And where’d a nice girl like you learn how to speak to people like you talked to Luke?”
Leia stood up and put the bread back in the cooler. “You taught me,” she said dryly.
“Absolutely unbelievable. That is so unlike me, huh?”