Tovor
06-27-2002, 07:20 PM
There are many who have critical opinions of The Phantom Menace, both positive and negative. *There are some who loved it without doubt or question, some who found no pleasure in it and loathed it beyond comparison, some who liked it to a degree but not enough to watch again, and others who loved it but percieved it as lacking and sorely in need of more enhancement. *I fall into the last category. *I loved TPM, without delusion or denial, but I was dissappointed by what more should have been a part of the first episode but was not written; and by what was written and filmed but left out of the final presentation.
First let me mention beginnings…
Episode IV, A New Hope, began with the story and action already in progress, and we found that enjoyable to be thrust into the excitement without delay. *We didn’t need to know much other than what the opening crawl told us, for it was enough to set the story in motion. *“It is a period of civil war”…we know what a civil war is. *“Rebel spaceships, striking from a”…we understand rebels, fighting against tyrannies in most cases. *“Against the EVIL GALACTIC EMPIRE”…”evil” and “empire” usually go hand in hand, and we knew that there was an empire (we know that empires are bad), and that it was evil. *Good enough, the good rebels are fighting the evil empire. *But despite not knowing more about the war at the start of the movie, it was all we needed to follow along without confusion, yet after it all we were curious about how it all began, and what it was like before those nasty bad guys turned the GOOD TIMES to BAD (and we couldn’t blame Norman Lear!). *TPM, however, was the start of the whole saga for us, and we expected it to reveal far more about the state of the galaxy before the empire came about. *Although Palpatine halfway through told us that the Republic is not what it once was, we were given no indication of how the present state differed from the greatness of the days of old. *I feel that TPM should have begun a bit slower to give us a “beginning” we could get a grasp on and understand to a greater degree. *I feel that there should have been more info given on the workings of the Senate and the Supreme Chancellor, and more info on the Jedi Order and the discussions and the Council, and more of the background and workings of the Republic mentioned. *Rather than starting the film by introducing us directly to the Trade Federation, we should have been introduced to the Republic, and then to the TF which existed and operated within it.
I also wanted the film to reveal more about the role and organization of the Jedi, and give more info on the background of the Sith. *Except to the knowing SW fans, I don’t think enough info was given to the casual viewer to clue them in on how dangerous and powerful the Sith had been in the past, and how serious the Sith’s revival was to the Republic at present. *And being a writer myself, one who enjoys writing dialogue rather than action to carry a story forward, there would have been a great deal more revealing and informing dialogue in the film had I been the director. *
Don’t get me wrong, I had no problem with the amount of action in TPM, or the number of CGI aliens, or the level and amount of special effects there. *I loved all of that and would not diminish that at all. *I do think that the journey through Naboo’s core was a major distraction from the transpiring conflict on the surface, and was too long of a distraction. *On one hand I might cut the monster attacks from 2 to 1, or eliminate the sequence completely, but I rather enjoy the irony of the Gungan bongo being attacked twice and being saved both times by the same hungry leviathan. *Using that as an example, there are many aspects to TPM that I might change, yet how could I when I enjoyed the story so much. *
Because the Senate chose not to help the Naboo, and obviously the Republic would not use its fleet to fight the TF, GL felt there was no need to show us any of the Republic’s Navy. *Many people complained that Lucas wrote the movie with no story just to sell more toys and make millions with merchandising. *What is nonsense about that is that if it were true, wouldn’t GL have shown us more ships to sell more toys and models? *The battledroids obviously discovered the “rumored” underwater city and drove the Gungans out of it. *I would have loved to see the TF’s underwater assault craft, wouldn’t you? *They would have sold in the toy stores. *If I was the director/writer, I would have shown their amphibious vehicles. *I also, simply because it would have added to the interest in the make-up of the Republic, and would have been fun to see; I also would have revealed a glimpse, perhaps in the background when the Queen’s ship reached Coruscant, a couple of early-class Star Destroyers in orbit. *I also would have found a way to feature a few earlier-version vintage X-wings and Y-wings, and/or Z-95 Headhunters. *If Lucas really wanted to make more money on advertising, he would have shown us the ships we’ve been dying to see for 16 years, and the models and toys would have sold in the millions. *We have come to understand via AOTC that the Republic was not fortified by a military force until then; that until the clone troopers were handed over to Yoda and the Republic, that such an army did not exist. *Yet, the Kaminoans did not also create the Republic Assault Ships, gun ships, and AT-TEs and they had to have come from somewhere, so isn’t it possible that the Republic did have at least a small contingent of military reservists and a limited fleet of military starships? *By not showing that in the first movie, and not expaining why a military presence did not exist at all, Lucas left many of us wondering for 3 years after why there was no mention of, or request for, government warships to head to Naboo to assess the TF threat and defend the planet.
If you were a first time viewer of the SW films, and saw TPM with no prior knowledge of the SW mythos, you would have no idea who the Jedi were and why the TF were so afraid to defy them. *You would also not understand who Sideous or what a Dark Lord of the Sith was, why the TF were so afraid of him, and why his existence posed such a threat to the Republic. *I would have put more introductory info into the opening crawl, and although my crawl would be much longer than any past crawls, that is however, the way I would have done it. *I would also have opened the movie in the Supreme Chancellor’s office rather than the blockade, to introduce the viewer to the concerns of the Supreme Chancellor, as well as show Palpatine as a good guy worried about his people (although we know what he was really concerned with, don’t we?). *Then I would cut to the Republic cruiser streaking toward the TF blockade, and continue with only dialogue changes for the next part of the film.
* * * * * * * * * STAR WARS
* * * * * * * * * EPISODE I
* * * * * *THE PHANTOM MENACE
* * The vast Galactic Republic, the collective government
* * of over a million member worlds, was in a state of tur-
* * moil. While the Jedi Knights, the guardians
* * of peace and justice, strove to maintain justice and order,
* * the Senate was beginning to crumble from within by rest-
* * less ambition, and corruption by outside sources.
*
* * A thousand years after the Jedi prevailed over the evil
* * Sith Empire, the most dangerous enemy the Republic
* * had ever faced, the remnant of an ancient evil was stirring
* * once again, scheming and plotting, and awaiting his
* * chance to reclaim what was lost to the Sith a millennium
* * ago.
* * Meanwhile, the greedy Trade Federation, in protest of the
* * Senate’s taxation of its profitable trade routes, has used
* * its warships to blockade the defenseless world of Naboo.
* * While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debated this
* * alarming situation, the Supreme Chancellor has taken
* * steps to try to end the ongoing crisis…
----The scroll fades and the camera view pans down to the planet Coruscant, with the busy traffic of ships heading into the atmosphere, and others soaring out and into space. *A panoramic view of Galactic City, and a bird’s eye view above and following along with a line of air traffic flying past an immense grandiose spire, the headquarters of the Supreme Chancellor Valorum. *Cut to the hallway inside and the blue robed Royal Guards standing at attention outside the Supreme Chancellor’s office. *Inside the office, Valorum held a meeting with senator Palpatine of Naboo and senator Lott Dodd of the Trade Federation.
---Valorum: “The Trade Federation has had its way in the outlying systems for far too long. *You may control the majority of the trade and shipping throughout the galaxy, but justice will have its way with you. *Your blockade of that remote world is not an acceptable course of action; not when the well being of an innocent civilization is involved.”
---Lott Dod: “Chancellor Valorum, with all due respect, we are well aware of the laws set forth by the Senate regarding issues such as this, and our blockade is perfectly legal.”
---Valorum: “So you say. *The ambassadors I have sent will speak directly to Viceroy Gunray, and they will appeal to him to resolve this blockade with due speed.”
---Palpatine: “If I may say so, Supreme Chancellor, the Federation is too secure in their distortions of applicable policies, and are overly confident that their acts of bribery and payoffs will keep their wrongdoings concealed. *My people have suffered enough; the Naboo cry out for justice. *It is time for the Federation’s financial control of the Senate to be revealed.”
---Lott Dod: “The senator’s biased accusations are unwarranted. *He has no proof, and his lies will not change the fact that we are justified in our method of protest. *Now, if you will excuse me I must return to my office.” *Dodd bows politely, turns, and leaves the office.
---Palpatine: “Chancellor Valorum, the Senate has wasted too much time thus far while my people continue to suffer. *I implore you to take greater control of this strained bureaucracy and not lie down to the bullies of the commerce monopoly.” *With a sigh he said lightly, “I fear your ambassadors will have little success against the effusive Trade Federation Viceroy. *I understand he is not cowed easily.”
---Valorum: “I assure you, Senator Palpatine, my ambassadors will not be sidetracked without great effort. *I will reveal only to you that with the Senate in the dire shape that it is in, I have not consulted the ruling body as to the nature of ambassadors I have selected for this mission. *To negotiate with the Viceroy I have sent Master Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”
---Palpatine seemed impressed. “A wise choice, Chancellor. *I am sure Master Jinn will speak for you with logic and fairness. *The Viceroy would be foolish to deny the Jedi and break the law further.”
Cut to deep space, and the crescent Republic cruiser streaking toward one of several Trade Federation battleships. *The dialogue as is currently:
“Captain…”
“Yes sir.”
“Tell them that we wish to board at once.”
“With all due respect, the ambassadors for the Supreme Chancellor wish to board immediately.”
“Yes of course…”
The ship docks and TC-14 leads the ambassadors to the waiting room.
“I have a bad feeling about this.”
“Keep your concentration…”
“But Master Yoda said…”
“But not at the expense of…”
“Yes Master. *How do you think the Viceroy…”
“These Federation types are cowards...”
But then I would change to:
---Obi-Wan: “I do not understand the Federation’s actions here. *Of all the planets in the Republic, why blockade Naboo to voice their protest? It is a quiet world of no military or political significance, so this blockade hurts no one other than the people of Naboo. *The Senate could care less for this world.”
---Qui-Gon: “The Naboo have no army. What better world for the Federation to bully than one which cannot strike back?”
---Obi-Wan: “How do you think the Viceroy will respond to the Chancellor’s demands?
---Qui-Gon: “The Nemoidians who run the Federation are cowards. *The negotiations will be short.”
In TF landing bay…
“Battle droids.”
“It’s an infantry army.”
---Qui-Gon: “This is an odd play for the Trade Federation. They are businessmen, not war mongers; not until now at least.”
---Obi-Wan: “The Naboo are not pirates or commandeers to warrant an armed encroachment, how do you suppose the Federation will justify these war activities to the Senate?”
---Qui-Gon: “Most likely the same way they will avoid criminal charges for destroying our ship and crew; with lies, distortions, and massive payoffs. *We’ve got to warn the Naboo and contact Chancellor Valorum. *We’ll stow away aboard separate ships and meet down on the planet surface.”
---Obi-Wan: “You were right about one thing, Master, the negotiations were short”.
* After the failure to enslist the help of the Gungans to warn the Naboo, in the bongo going through the planet core, I would insert more detailed dialogue to give more worth to the time wasted showing us the core journey.
---Obi-Wan: “The Naboo have no heavy weaponry or defenses. *The Federation army will roll into their capital and claim it without firing a shot.” *
---Jar Jar: “Mesa tinks the Naboo begeen dyen quicken by da mechaniks. Mesa bein’ worried for dem.”
---Qui-Gon: “So are we, Jar Jar,” he says with an understanding smile. “The sooner we get through this core, the sooner we’ll be in a position to do some good.” *He leaned forward and put a hand on his padawan’s shoulder. *“You were accurate in your premonitions, Obi-Wan. I must remember to take heed of your ‘bad feelings’ more often.”
* Obi-Wan made an effort to conceal his satisfied smile. Then he turned to Jar Jar. *“Your people have no representative in the Senate. *Why have the Gungans chosen to segregate themselves from the benefits of the Galactic Republic?”
* “Dere’s a longo time wesa no talken wid da Naboo, or any offenworlders. *Wesa learned a longo time ago wesa only trusten in wesa selfs. *Me no know why; Gungans just dat waysa.”
* “Why were you banished from your people, Jar Jar?”
*“It’s a long atello, but part of it be because mesa clumsy…”
And more I would add to Sideous and Maul’s Coruscant balcony conversation…
---Maul: “Tatooine is sparsely populated. *If the trace is correct I will find them quickly, Master.”
---Sideous: “Tatooine is also outside the influence of the Republic. *Even the Jedi will have no authorized powers on that lawless world.”
---Maul: “I am sure they will be incognito there, and will avoid revealing their identities among anyone they may encounter.”
---Sideous: “You are correct, and they will surely not be expecting you”. *He smiles slyly. *“Take on the Jedi first. *You will then have no trouble bringing the queen back to Naboo where she will sign the treaty. Afterwards, do not harm her yourself. *Be sure it is the Viceroy himself who kills her.”
---Maul: “Yes my master”.
---Sideous: “The Jedi order became far too comfortable once believing they had wiped out their only true threat in the galaxy; after they had eliminated all but one of our kind. *And that is to be their downfall. *For a thousand years those before me have stayed hidden, plotting in the shadows, awaiting their time to rise again. *Now, finally, by my own design, the time to regain our lost glory is at hand. *Soon there will be nothing to stand in our way. *Soon, the Republic will be mine.”
---Maul: “We have waited long enough. *At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. *At last we will have revenge.”
---Sideous: “You have been well trained, my young apprentice, and your anger is strong. *They will be no match for you. *Those who confront you will perish, and those who remain will fear you.”
---Maul: “Fear is my ally. Hate is my power. *They will fear my hate.”
---When Maul lands on Tatooine, after he dispatches his probe droids, several Tusken Raiders come out of the shadows and approach his ship with intent to attack him and steal his equipment. *Maul does not ignite his saber or even consider using it. *It will not be seen until he attacks Qui-Gon. *He uses the Force to put fear into their fearless hearts, and they slow and then stop in their tracks. *When one advances further, his weapon ready, Maul extended his hand toward the Tusken and used the Force to choke the raider until he dropped to his knees gasping. *Then the Sith releases him and allows him to hurry away. *This will begin to show Maul’s control of the Force, and his use of fear as an ally. *It will also show that even Sith need not attack with all their anger to drive enemies away. *Maul’s primary mission is to kill the Jedi and capture the queen, so he won’t waste energy and time killing Sandpeople if he does not have to.
---On landing pad, Valorum should tell Qui Gon that the destroyed Republic cruiser should not be brought up until the news of Jedi involvement can be broached to the Senate. Thus, the Jedi cannot testify their accounts of the invasion and escape of Amidala.
In Jedi Council chamber…
* Qui- “My guess is, it was a Sith Lord.”
* Ki-Adi-Amundi: “Impossible! *The Sith have been extinct for a millennium!”
* Mace: “The Sith lost their war with the Jedi by destroying themselves from within. *Ancient history proved that the Sith cannot exist in large numbers due to the ambition and bloodlust of the Dark Side. *If they have returned in large numbers, there would have been visible destruction already, and ripples in the Force. *I do not believe the Sith could have returned without us knowing about it.”
* Yoda: “Ah, difficult to see, the Dark Side is. *But ripples in the Force we have felt, the balance of the Force disrupted, we have feared. *A piece to the puzzle this dark warrior may provide.”
* Adi-Gallia: “This may also explain the mysterious actions of the Trade Federation and the recent secret arms purchases Ki-Adi uncovered.”
* Yoda: “Ah, yes. *Of which the Senate has been made aware. *Informed them we have. Yet justified those purchases became. *Pirate raids and organized sabotage gave weight to the Viceroy’s claims. *Come together pieces of this puzzle do as well, if the Sith are involved. *If so, become one the two puzzles do, and more dangerous a picture it reveals.”
* Plo-Koon: “If the Sith are involved, if they have in fact returned, they will pose a far greater threat to the Republic than anything the Federation could possibly muster.”
* Mace: “I agree. *Though the Federation is an obvious threat to Naboo and any other world they may choose to intimidate, we must be concerned with the hidden menace, whatever it is, that is apparently pulling the strings here. *We will inform the Supreme Chancellor of this alarming development, and we will use all our resources to discover the identity of your mysterious attacker.”
* Qui-Gon: “I believe, if not the Federation Viceroy himself, that the representative of the Federation to the Senate should be questioned about their ties to the Sith.”
* Yoda: “A serious accusation you propose, and still more so since your mission was to be a covert one not disclosed to the Senate. *If we accuse the Federation of involvement with an enemy long thought extinct and we are wrong, deep repercussions will we face.”
* Qui-Gon: “Our hands are tied then, you say. *What good are we as guardians of truth and justice if we let politics restrain us from doing what is right and just?”
* A moment of profound silence fills the room. *
* Yoda: “A paradox you speak of, master Qui-Gon. *The role of the Jedi is to enforce the politics of the Republic, not defy the laws of its leadership or change the established policies. *That is for the Senate to decide, not us.”
* Qui-Gon: “That is what makes us weak in our role. *There are systems outside the jurisdiction of the Senate, where illegal activities such as slavery are practiced without restraint. *Yet on Tatooine I was bound by the code of conduct we serve, and I could do nothing to free its slaves from their injustice.”
* Depa Billiba: “A vendetta role you might have played had you done so, acting on your own feelings outside the Republic.”
* “I am aware,” Qui-Gon replied, turning to her, and then back to Yoda and Windu. “And that is what makes us weak.”
* “I fear correct you may be, Qui-Gon,” Yoda admitted.
*“But for now nothing can be done to change it”, Mace added. *“So let us deal with the situation as it now stands, and decide later how to change the Senate’s established provisos. *May the Force be with you,” he said as a dismissal.
* Qui-Gon remained in place.
*“More to say, have you?” Yoda asked.
*“With your permission my master. *I have discovered a vergence in the Force.”
*“A vergence you say?”
*“Centered around a person?”
*“Yes. *While on Tatooine I encountered a slave boy who aided us in completing our journey here. *His piloting reflexes and untrained Force abilities are astounding, and his midichlorian count is higher than that of any Jedi on record. *His mother claims she knew of no father involved in his origin, and I believe he may have been conceived by the midichlorians.”
*“You refer to the prophesy of the one who will bring balance to the Force. *You believe that this boy is the one?”
*“Yes, I am sure of it. *It was the will of the Force which led me to find him. *The prophesy states that the one chosen by the Force to end a future dark evil and restore the balance of harmony in the Force would come from a desert world, and be of humble beginnings though having no father. *That he would help a group of travelers in urgent need, and that he would be one who sees the future in his dreams. *This boy fulfills the prophecy up to that point. *I am certain that he is the Chosen one, just as I am certain that it was the will of the Force which brought he and I together.”
*“Hmmmm, much to consider,” Yoda sighed.
*“Bring him before us then,” Mace told him.
After Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan left, the Jedi Council would discuss the possible resurgance of the Sith. *Mention would be made that for a 1000 years no Jedi had ever faced a Sith lord before in open combat, and that despite the strengths of the Jedi knights the abilites of a Sith lord would be difficult to overcome. *And then this new bit of dialogue, with the obvious connection to the next episode:
* Plo Koon: "Perhaps we must dispatch Master Dooku to ascertain this new threat and deal with it. *He did train under the greatest of swordsmen after all."
* Yoda responds humbly: "Hmmm, compliment me you do, fellow Master. *No, Dooku's former apprentice it is who stands as one of the most able of Jedi swordsmen in this age. *Confident we are in Master Jinn's power of the Force."
* After a moment of deep thought, Yoda declares: "So little we are prepared if the true phantom in this conflict is the Sith. *Must know, we do, how undetected for so long they have managed, if indeed they have returned, in what manner of organization they are operating. *Consult the Jedi archives I shall, for information once obtained but long forgotten."
(I think that statement would add a great deal of wieght to Yoda's sudden understanding of the Sith and how they may have continued unseen for 1000 years. *The AOTC Visual Dictionary does say that the Jedi do have the only known Sith holocron in safe storage, to be viewed only by the most important of Jedi Masters. *Perhaps this holocron was found AFTER the ancient Sith had been presumed eliminated, and included hints that Darth Bane had entered into it about his method of continuing the Sith tradition. *So maybe previous Jedi from centuries past realized that Darth Bane had survived the defeat of the Sith empire and learned of his rule of two Sith lords only, but grew overconfident in the Sith's continued absence and dismissed Bane as dead and dust.)
---In an air taxi carrying Jinn, Kenobi, and Anakin to the Jedi temple for Ani’s introduction to the Council, we would see more of the cityscape and the layout of the city sections as the skyscrapers thin and pass and the flat section comes into view, with the immensely large Jedi temple in the distance once they fly over the horizon. *Jinn will tell Anakin a little about the method of Jedi training, about the Jedi candidate being taken from his home within 6 months of age to begin his or her training in the temple; about the students being trained by Yoda and the other Masters and teachers until 12 years of age before being taken as an apprentice to a Jedi knight or master. *He will tell Ani that due to his age he will have a lot to catch up on over the next few years before he is chosen and taken by a Knight for an apprenticeship. *He will then reveal to him how long Obi-Wan had been with him, and how at that point in his life Obi-Wan was the closest thing to a son he had ever had, or would have.
---In TPM, the Nemoidians showed no obvious fear of Maul, which I think should have been brought out. They had to have been terrified of him. *The following would occur directly after Gunray’s conversation with the Sideous hologram, when Sideous told Maul to be mindful, and to let the Jedi make the first move:
---Gunray: “We are concerned about the bargain we made with Lord Sideous. *If his final plan fails, we will lose everything.”
---Maul: “I am not here to console you, Gunray. *I am here for a confrontation far more important than your occupation of this insignificant world.”
---Gunray: “More important than…Lord Maul, what are you keeping from us?”
---Maul: *“Never mind that, Gunray…” *At that, Gunray gasps and struggles to regain his breath. *An unseen force had wrapped itself around his throat. *“…You just make sure the Queen signs the treaty before you kill her. *When the Jedi return with her, I will take them on myself.”
---Unlike the dialogue spoken during the lightsaber duels of the second trilogy, the silence of the duelists in the final lightsaber duel was appropriate. *I would not have changed that. *The only thing I would add would be before the start of the duel with the following:
---Qui-Gon: “We’ll handle this.”
---Amidala: “We’ll take the long way.”
---Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan face Maul. All 3 warriors remove their cloaks. *No one moves. *Jinn remembers Master Windu’s instruction to find out the identity of the mysterious attacker, and asks only two questions:
* “We know what you are. *What we don’t know is what your illegal connection with the Trade Federation is; and what is your purpose here?”
---Maul offers no vocal reply, but responds by moving into his fighting stance and igniting his saber, one end at a time. *At that the Jedi realize that there will be no answers and discussion from the mysterious Sith, and they ignite their sabers.
---But at the end of the duel, with Jinn pierced and Kenobi hanging for his life in the melting pit with Maul standing over him, he finally ventures to ask the bloodthirsty warrior,
* “What are you…where did you come from?”
---Maul smiled confidently, enjoying the thrill of victory, and replies for the first time: “I am the beginning of the end for the Jedi. *Where I came from…is a lifetime of training in preparation for this, and you and your aged master played right into my hands. *You would have fared better had you taken the long way with Amidala.” *
---Obi-Wan calms himself and “sees” Qui-Gon’s lightsaber in his mind. *It begins to move toward him, and Obi-Wan says under his breath,
* “This is what my life was trained for…” and with a grunt he leapt from the pit and caught his saber, and Maul was only half the man he once was.
After being in the wrong place at the wrong time and firing the shot to destroy the Droid Control ship, Anakin lands the fighter in the Naboo bay and is greeted by ecstatic pilots who are surprised to see him in the fighter. *
Anakin: “I don’t know how it happened. *I pressed the wrong buttons and the autopilot took over. *It was the autopilot which flew the ship into the battle.”
Ric Olie: “We’re lucky you wound up where you did Ani, but our fighter craft are not equipped with autopilot!”
--I would put that in to reinforce the suggestion that it was the will of the Force that enabled Anakin to be in the right place at the right time.
After Jinn died in Obi-Wan’s arms, the next scene will have Gunray and Dolfine sitting on chairs back to back with several armed Naboo guards surrounding them as Amidala chastised them. *She tells them that they will have to face criminal charges for their invasion, and will be forced to compensate the families who suffered under their occupation, especially the family members who survived loved one’s deaths. *Obi-Wan enters the room and strides right up to the surrounded TF leaders. *When Amidala asks him about Qui-Gon, Obi breaks the news to her of his master’s death. *Then to Gunray he demands to know the details of his involvement with the Sith. *Gunray stutters and plays dumb, claiming to not know who the dark warrior who was sent there was. *
* When Obi-Wan leaves him, he whispers to his TF companion,
* “I fear Lord Sideous has set us up to take the fall for him. But if we reveal anything about our treaty with him, he will ensure that we are murdered before we could testify. *We must remain silent for our own sakes.”
* And...the final and most ominous discussion in the movie:
Mace: "There is no doubt now that the mysterious warrior is a Sith. *What we dreaded most...the Sith have returned."
Yoda: "Know now we do why the balance of peaceful harmony of the Force is in disarray. *Only the evil of the Sith could cause such an imbalance, even in such small numbers as they were in hiding. *The rule of the Sith for survival, understand it now I do. *Always two there are, no more, no less. *A master and an apprentice. *One to manipulate and fool all others, and the other to do his bidding."
Mace: "But which was destroyed, the master or the apprentice?"
Yoda: "Know that we do not. *Only know, we do, that greater conflicts and darkness await us, by this phantom menace, the dark lord of the Sith."
Pan and stop on Palpatine, and cut to victory parade.
That is all for now the changes I have dwelled upon, though I may post additional changes later. *It may be much more information than others would agree with without slowing the pace of the movie, but that's the way I would have done it. *What about you? *How would you have done it differently?
First let me mention beginnings…
Episode IV, A New Hope, began with the story and action already in progress, and we found that enjoyable to be thrust into the excitement without delay. *We didn’t need to know much other than what the opening crawl told us, for it was enough to set the story in motion. *“It is a period of civil war”…we know what a civil war is. *“Rebel spaceships, striking from a”…we understand rebels, fighting against tyrannies in most cases. *“Against the EVIL GALACTIC EMPIRE”…”evil” and “empire” usually go hand in hand, and we knew that there was an empire (we know that empires are bad), and that it was evil. *Good enough, the good rebels are fighting the evil empire. *But despite not knowing more about the war at the start of the movie, it was all we needed to follow along without confusion, yet after it all we were curious about how it all began, and what it was like before those nasty bad guys turned the GOOD TIMES to BAD (and we couldn’t blame Norman Lear!). *TPM, however, was the start of the whole saga for us, and we expected it to reveal far more about the state of the galaxy before the empire came about. *Although Palpatine halfway through told us that the Republic is not what it once was, we were given no indication of how the present state differed from the greatness of the days of old. *I feel that TPM should have begun a bit slower to give us a “beginning” we could get a grasp on and understand to a greater degree. *I feel that there should have been more info given on the workings of the Senate and the Supreme Chancellor, and more info on the Jedi Order and the discussions and the Council, and more of the background and workings of the Republic mentioned. *Rather than starting the film by introducing us directly to the Trade Federation, we should have been introduced to the Republic, and then to the TF which existed and operated within it.
I also wanted the film to reveal more about the role and organization of the Jedi, and give more info on the background of the Sith. *Except to the knowing SW fans, I don’t think enough info was given to the casual viewer to clue them in on how dangerous and powerful the Sith had been in the past, and how serious the Sith’s revival was to the Republic at present. *And being a writer myself, one who enjoys writing dialogue rather than action to carry a story forward, there would have been a great deal more revealing and informing dialogue in the film had I been the director. *
Don’t get me wrong, I had no problem with the amount of action in TPM, or the number of CGI aliens, or the level and amount of special effects there. *I loved all of that and would not diminish that at all. *I do think that the journey through Naboo’s core was a major distraction from the transpiring conflict on the surface, and was too long of a distraction. *On one hand I might cut the monster attacks from 2 to 1, or eliminate the sequence completely, but I rather enjoy the irony of the Gungan bongo being attacked twice and being saved both times by the same hungry leviathan. *Using that as an example, there are many aspects to TPM that I might change, yet how could I when I enjoyed the story so much. *
Because the Senate chose not to help the Naboo, and obviously the Republic would not use its fleet to fight the TF, GL felt there was no need to show us any of the Republic’s Navy. *Many people complained that Lucas wrote the movie with no story just to sell more toys and make millions with merchandising. *What is nonsense about that is that if it were true, wouldn’t GL have shown us more ships to sell more toys and models? *The battledroids obviously discovered the “rumored” underwater city and drove the Gungans out of it. *I would have loved to see the TF’s underwater assault craft, wouldn’t you? *They would have sold in the toy stores. *If I was the director/writer, I would have shown their amphibious vehicles. *I also, simply because it would have added to the interest in the make-up of the Republic, and would have been fun to see; I also would have revealed a glimpse, perhaps in the background when the Queen’s ship reached Coruscant, a couple of early-class Star Destroyers in orbit. *I also would have found a way to feature a few earlier-version vintage X-wings and Y-wings, and/or Z-95 Headhunters. *If Lucas really wanted to make more money on advertising, he would have shown us the ships we’ve been dying to see for 16 years, and the models and toys would have sold in the millions. *We have come to understand via AOTC that the Republic was not fortified by a military force until then; that until the clone troopers were handed over to Yoda and the Republic, that such an army did not exist. *Yet, the Kaminoans did not also create the Republic Assault Ships, gun ships, and AT-TEs and they had to have come from somewhere, so isn’t it possible that the Republic did have at least a small contingent of military reservists and a limited fleet of military starships? *By not showing that in the first movie, and not expaining why a military presence did not exist at all, Lucas left many of us wondering for 3 years after why there was no mention of, or request for, government warships to head to Naboo to assess the TF threat and defend the planet.
If you were a first time viewer of the SW films, and saw TPM with no prior knowledge of the SW mythos, you would have no idea who the Jedi were and why the TF were so afraid to defy them. *You would also not understand who Sideous or what a Dark Lord of the Sith was, why the TF were so afraid of him, and why his existence posed such a threat to the Republic. *I would have put more introductory info into the opening crawl, and although my crawl would be much longer than any past crawls, that is however, the way I would have done it. *I would also have opened the movie in the Supreme Chancellor’s office rather than the blockade, to introduce the viewer to the concerns of the Supreme Chancellor, as well as show Palpatine as a good guy worried about his people (although we know what he was really concerned with, don’t we?). *Then I would cut to the Republic cruiser streaking toward the TF blockade, and continue with only dialogue changes for the next part of the film.
* * * * * * * * * STAR WARS
* * * * * * * * * EPISODE I
* * * * * *THE PHANTOM MENACE
* * The vast Galactic Republic, the collective government
* * of over a million member worlds, was in a state of tur-
* * moil. While the Jedi Knights, the guardians
* * of peace and justice, strove to maintain justice and order,
* * the Senate was beginning to crumble from within by rest-
* * less ambition, and corruption by outside sources.
*
* * A thousand years after the Jedi prevailed over the evil
* * Sith Empire, the most dangerous enemy the Republic
* * had ever faced, the remnant of an ancient evil was stirring
* * once again, scheming and plotting, and awaiting his
* * chance to reclaim what was lost to the Sith a millennium
* * ago.
* * Meanwhile, the greedy Trade Federation, in protest of the
* * Senate’s taxation of its profitable trade routes, has used
* * its warships to blockade the defenseless world of Naboo.
* * While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debated this
* * alarming situation, the Supreme Chancellor has taken
* * steps to try to end the ongoing crisis…
----The scroll fades and the camera view pans down to the planet Coruscant, with the busy traffic of ships heading into the atmosphere, and others soaring out and into space. *A panoramic view of Galactic City, and a bird’s eye view above and following along with a line of air traffic flying past an immense grandiose spire, the headquarters of the Supreme Chancellor Valorum. *Cut to the hallway inside and the blue robed Royal Guards standing at attention outside the Supreme Chancellor’s office. *Inside the office, Valorum held a meeting with senator Palpatine of Naboo and senator Lott Dodd of the Trade Federation.
---Valorum: “The Trade Federation has had its way in the outlying systems for far too long. *You may control the majority of the trade and shipping throughout the galaxy, but justice will have its way with you. *Your blockade of that remote world is not an acceptable course of action; not when the well being of an innocent civilization is involved.”
---Lott Dod: “Chancellor Valorum, with all due respect, we are well aware of the laws set forth by the Senate regarding issues such as this, and our blockade is perfectly legal.”
---Valorum: “So you say. *The ambassadors I have sent will speak directly to Viceroy Gunray, and they will appeal to him to resolve this blockade with due speed.”
---Palpatine: “If I may say so, Supreme Chancellor, the Federation is too secure in their distortions of applicable policies, and are overly confident that their acts of bribery and payoffs will keep their wrongdoings concealed. *My people have suffered enough; the Naboo cry out for justice. *It is time for the Federation’s financial control of the Senate to be revealed.”
---Lott Dod: “The senator’s biased accusations are unwarranted. *He has no proof, and his lies will not change the fact that we are justified in our method of protest. *Now, if you will excuse me I must return to my office.” *Dodd bows politely, turns, and leaves the office.
---Palpatine: “Chancellor Valorum, the Senate has wasted too much time thus far while my people continue to suffer. *I implore you to take greater control of this strained bureaucracy and not lie down to the bullies of the commerce monopoly.” *With a sigh he said lightly, “I fear your ambassadors will have little success against the effusive Trade Federation Viceroy. *I understand he is not cowed easily.”
---Valorum: “I assure you, Senator Palpatine, my ambassadors will not be sidetracked without great effort. *I will reveal only to you that with the Senate in the dire shape that it is in, I have not consulted the ruling body as to the nature of ambassadors I have selected for this mission. *To negotiate with the Viceroy I have sent Master Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”
---Palpatine seemed impressed. “A wise choice, Chancellor. *I am sure Master Jinn will speak for you with logic and fairness. *The Viceroy would be foolish to deny the Jedi and break the law further.”
Cut to deep space, and the crescent Republic cruiser streaking toward one of several Trade Federation battleships. *The dialogue as is currently:
“Captain…”
“Yes sir.”
“Tell them that we wish to board at once.”
“With all due respect, the ambassadors for the Supreme Chancellor wish to board immediately.”
“Yes of course…”
The ship docks and TC-14 leads the ambassadors to the waiting room.
“I have a bad feeling about this.”
“Keep your concentration…”
“But Master Yoda said…”
“But not at the expense of…”
“Yes Master. *How do you think the Viceroy…”
“These Federation types are cowards...”
But then I would change to:
---Obi-Wan: “I do not understand the Federation’s actions here. *Of all the planets in the Republic, why blockade Naboo to voice their protest? It is a quiet world of no military or political significance, so this blockade hurts no one other than the people of Naboo. *The Senate could care less for this world.”
---Qui-Gon: “The Naboo have no army. What better world for the Federation to bully than one which cannot strike back?”
---Obi-Wan: “How do you think the Viceroy will respond to the Chancellor’s demands?
---Qui-Gon: “The Nemoidians who run the Federation are cowards. *The negotiations will be short.”
In TF landing bay…
“Battle droids.”
“It’s an infantry army.”
---Qui-Gon: “This is an odd play for the Trade Federation. They are businessmen, not war mongers; not until now at least.”
---Obi-Wan: “The Naboo are not pirates or commandeers to warrant an armed encroachment, how do you suppose the Federation will justify these war activities to the Senate?”
---Qui-Gon: “Most likely the same way they will avoid criminal charges for destroying our ship and crew; with lies, distortions, and massive payoffs. *We’ve got to warn the Naboo and contact Chancellor Valorum. *We’ll stow away aboard separate ships and meet down on the planet surface.”
---Obi-Wan: “You were right about one thing, Master, the negotiations were short”.
* After the failure to enslist the help of the Gungans to warn the Naboo, in the bongo going through the planet core, I would insert more detailed dialogue to give more worth to the time wasted showing us the core journey.
---Obi-Wan: “The Naboo have no heavy weaponry or defenses. *The Federation army will roll into their capital and claim it without firing a shot.” *
---Jar Jar: “Mesa tinks the Naboo begeen dyen quicken by da mechaniks. Mesa bein’ worried for dem.”
---Qui-Gon: “So are we, Jar Jar,” he says with an understanding smile. “The sooner we get through this core, the sooner we’ll be in a position to do some good.” *He leaned forward and put a hand on his padawan’s shoulder. *“You were accurate in your premonitions, Obi-Wan. I must remember to take heed of your ‘bad feelings’ more often.”
* Obi-Wan made an effort to conceal his satisfied smile. Then he turned to Jar Jar. *“Your people have no representative in the Senate. *Why have the Gungans chosen to segregate themselves from the benefits of the Galactic Republic?”
* “Dere’s a longo time wesa no talken wid da Naboo, or any offenworlders. *Wesa learned a longo time ago wesa only trusten in wesa selfs. *Me no know why; Gungans just dat waysa.”
* “Why were you banished from your people, Jar Jar?”
*“It’s a long atello, but part of it be because mesa clumsy…”
And more I would add to Sideous and Maul’s Coruscant balcony conversation…
---Maul: “Tatooine is sparsely populated. *If the trace is correct I will find them quickly, Master.”
---Sideous: “Tatooine is also outside the influence of the Republic. *Even the Jedi will have no authorized powers on that lawless world.”
---Maul: “I am sure they will be incognito there, and will avoid revealing their identities among anyone they may encounter.”
---Sideous: “You are correct, and they will surely not be expecting you”. *He smiles slyly. *“Take on the Jedi first. *You will then have no trouble bringing the queen back to Naboo where she will sign the treaty. Afterwards, do not harm her yourself. *Be sure it is the Viceroy himself who kills her.”
---Maul: “Yes my master”.
---Sideous: “The Jedi order became far too comfortable once believing they had wiped out their only true threat in the galaxy; after they had eliminated all but one of our kind. *And that is to be their downfall. *For a thousand years those before me have stayed hidden, plotting in the shadows, awaiting their time to rise again. *Now, finally, by my own design, the time to regain our lost glory is at hand. *Soon there will be nothing to stand in our way. *Soon, the Republic will be mine.”
---Maul: “We have waited long enough. *At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. *At last we will have revenge.”
---Sideous: “You have been well trained, my young apprentice, and your anger is strong. *They will be no match for you. *Those who confront you will perish, and those who remain will fear you.”
---Maul: “Fear is my ally. Hate is my power. *They will fear my hate.”
---When Maul lands on Tatooine, after he dispatches his probe droids, several Tusken Raiders come out of the shadows and approach his ship with intent to attack him and steal his equipment. *Maul does not ignite his saber or even consider using it. *It will not be seen until he attacks Qui-Gon. *He uses the Force to put fear into their fearless hearts, and they slow and then stop in their tracks. *When one advances further, his weapon ready, Maul extended his hand toward the Tusken and used the Force to choke the raider until he dropped to his knees gasping. *Then the Sith releases him and allows him to hurry away. *This will begin to show Maul’s control of the Force, and his use of fear as an ally. *It will also show that even Sith need not attack with all their anger to drive enemies away. *Maul’s primary mission is to kill the Jedi and capture the queen, so he won’t waste energy and time killing Sandpeople if he does not have to.
---On landing pad, Valorum should tell Qui Gon that the destroyed Republic cruiser should not be brought up until the news of Jedi involvement can be broached to the Senate. Thus, the Jedi cannot testify their accounts of the invasion and escape of Amidala.
In Jedi Council chamber…
* Qui- “My guess is, it was a Sith Lord.”
* Ki-Adi-Amundi: “Impossible! *The Sith have been extinct for a millennium!”
* Mace: “The Sith lost their war with the Jedi by destroying themselves from within. *Ancient history proved that the Sith cannot exist in large numbers due to the ambition and bloodlust of the Dark Side. *If they have returned in large numbers, there would have been visible destruction already, and ripples in the Force. *I do not believe the Sith could have returned without us knowing about it.”
* Yoda: “Ah, difficult to see, the Dark Side is. *But ripples in the Force we have felt, the balance of the Force disrupted, we have feared. *A piece to the puzzle this dark warrior may provide.”
* Adi-Gallia: “This may also explain the mysterious actions of the Trade Federation and the recent secret arms purchases Ki-Adi uncovered.”
* Yoda: “Ah, yes. *Of which the Senate has been made aware. *Informed them we have. Yet justified those purchases became. *Pirate raids and organized sabotage gave weight to the Viceroy’s claims. *Come together pieces of this puzzle do as well, if the Sith are involved. *If so, become one the two puzzles do, and more dangerous a picture it reveals.”
* Plo-Koon: “If the Sith are involved, if they have in fact returned, they will pose a far greater threat to the Republic than anything the Federation could possibly muster.”
* Mace: “I agree. *Though the Federation is an obvious threat to Naboo and any other world they may choose to intimidate, we must be concerned with the hidden menace, whatever it is, that is apparently pulling the strings here. *We will inform the Supreme Chancellor of this alarming development, and we will use all our resources to discover the identity of your mysterious attacker.”
* Qui-Gon: “I believe, if not the Federation Viceroy himself, that the representative of the Federation to the Senate should be questioned about their ties to the Sith.”
* Yoda: “A serious accusation you propose, and still more so since your mission was to be a covert one not disclosed to the Senate. *If we accuse the Federation of involvement with an enemy long thought extinct and we are wrong, deep repercussions will we face.”
* Qui-Gon: “Our hands are tied then, you say. *What good are we as guardians of truth and justice if we let politics restrain us from doing what is right and just?”
* A moment of profound silence fills the room. *
* Yoda: “A paradox you speak of, master Qui-Gon. *The role of the Jedi is to enforce the politics of the Republic, not defy the laws of its leadership or change the established policies. *That is for the Senate to decide, not us.”
* Qui-Gon: “That is what makes us weak in our role. *There are systems outside the jurisdiction of the Senate, where illegal activities such as slavery are practiced without restraint. *Yet on Tatooine I was bound by the code of conduct we serve, and I could do nothing to free its slaves from their injustice.”
* Depa Billiba: “A vendetta role you might have played had you done so, acting on your own feelings outside the Republic.”
* “I am aware,” Qui-Gon replied, turning to her, and then back to Yoda and Windu. “And that is what makes us weak.”
* “I fear correct you may be, Qui-Gon,” Yoda admitted.
*“But for now nothing can be done to change it”, Mace added. *“So let us deal with the situation as it now stands, and decide later how to change the Senate’s established provisos. *May the Force be with you,” he said as a dismissal.
* Qui-Gon remained in place.
*“More to say, have you?” Yoda asked.
*“With your permission my master. *I have discovered a vergence in the Force.”
*“A vergence you say?”
*“Centered around a person?”
*“Yes. *While on Tatooine I encountered a slave boy who aided us in completing our journey here. *His piloting reflexes and untrained Force abilities are astounding, and his midichlorian count is higher than that of any Jedi on record. *His mother claims she knew of no father involved in his origin, and I believe he may have been conceived by the midichlorians.”
*“You refer to the prophesy of the one who will bring balance to the Force. *You believe that this boy is the one?”
*“Yes, I am sure of it. *It was the will of the Force which led me to find him. *The prophesy states that the one chosen by the Force to end a future dark evil and restore the balance of harmony in the Force would come from a desert world, and be of humble beginnings though having no father. *That he would help a group of travelers in urgent need, and that he would be one who sees the future in his dreams. *This boy fulfills the prophecy up to that point. *I am certain that he is the Chosen one, just as I am certain that it was the will of the Force which brought he and I together.”
*“Hmmmm, much to consider,” Yoda sighed.
*“Bring him before us then,” Mace told him.
After Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan left, the Jedi Council would discuss the possible resurgance of the Sith. *Mention would be made that for a 1000 years no Jedi had ever faced a Sith lord before in open combat, and that despite the strengths of the Jedi knights the abilites of a Sith lord would be difficult to overcome. *And then this new bit of dialogue, with the obvious connection to the next episode:
* Plo Koon: "Perhaps we must dispatch Master Dooku to ascertain this new threat and deal with it. *He did train under the greatest of swordsmen after all."
* Yoda responds humbly: "Hmmm, compliment me you do, fellow Master. *No, Dooku's former apprentice it is who stands as one of the most able of Jedi swordsmen in this age. *Confident we are in Master Jinn's power of the Force."
* After a moment of deep thought, Yoda declares: "So little we are prepared if the true phantom in this conflict is the Sith. *Must know, we do, how undetected for so long they have managed, if indeed they have returned, in what manner of organization they are operating. *Consult the Jedi archives I shall, for information once obtained but long forgotten."
(I think that statement would add a great deal of wieght to Yoda's sudden understanding of the Sith and how they may have continued unseen for 1000 years. *The AOTC Visual Dictionary does say that the Jedi do have the only known Sith holocron in safe storage, to be viewed only by the most important of Jedi Masters. *Perhaps this holocron was found AFTER the ancient Sith had been presumed eliminated, and included hints that Darth Bane had entered into it about his method of continuing the Sith tradition. *So maybe previous Jedi from centuries past realized that Darth Bane had survived the defeat of the Sith empire and learned of his rule of two Sith lords only, but grew overconfident in the Sith's continued absence and dismissed Bane as dead and dust.)
---In an air taxi carrying Jinn, Kenobi, and Anakin to the Jedi temple for Ani’s introduction to the Council, we would see more of the cityscape and the layout of the city sections as the skyscrapers thin and pass and the flat section comes into view, with the immensely large Jedi temple in the distance once they fly over the horizon. *Jinn will tell Anakin a little about the method of Jedi training, about the Jedi candidate being taken from his home within 6 months of age to begin his or her training in the temple; about the students being trained by Yoda and the other Masters and teachers until 12 years of age before being taken as an apprentice to a Jedi knight or master. *He will tell Ani that due to his age he will have a lot to catch up on over the next few years before he is chosen and taken by a Knight for an apprenticeship. *He will then reveal to him how long Obi-Wan had been with him, and how at that point in his life Obi-Wan was the closest thing to a son he had ever had, or would have.
---In TPM, the Nemoidians showed no obvious fear of Maul, which I think should have been brought out. They had to have been terrified of him. *The following would occur directly after Gunray’s conversation with the Sideous hologram, when Sideous told Maul to be mindful, and to let the Jedi make the first move:
---Gunray: “We are concerned about the bargain we made with Lord Sideous. *If his final plan fails, we will lose everything.”
---Maul: “I am not here to console you, Gunray. *I am here for a confrontation far more important than your occupation of this insignificant world.”
---Gunray: “More important than…Lord Maul, what are you keeping from us?”
---Maul: *“Never mind that, Gunray…” *At that, Gunray gasps and struggles to regain his breath. *An unseen force had wrapped itself around his throat. *“…You just make sure the Queen signs the treaty before you kill her. *When the Jedi return with her, I will take them on myself.”
---Unlike the dialogue spoken during the lightsaber duels of the second trilogy, the silence of the duelists in the final lightsaber duel was appropriate. *I would not have changed that. *The only thing I would add would be before the start of the duel with the following:
---Qui-Gon: “We’ll handle this.”
---Amidala: “We’ll take the long way.”
---Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan face Maul. All 3 warriors remove their cloaks. *No one moves. *Jinn remembers Master Windu’s instruction to find out the identity of the mysterious attacker, and asks only two questions:
* “We know what you are. *What we don’t know is what your illegal connection with the Trade Federation is; and what is your purpose here?”
---Maul offers no vocal reply, but responds by moving into his fighting stance and igniting his saber, one end at a time. *At that the Jedi realize that there will be no answers and discussion from the mysterious Sith, and they ignite their sabers.
---But at the end of the duel, with Jinn pierced and Kenobi hanging for his life in the melting pit with Maul standing over him, he finally ventures to ask the bloodthirsty warrior,
* “What are you…where did you come from?”
---Maul smiled confidently, enjoying the thrill of victory, and replies for the first time: “I am the beginning of the end for the Jedi. *Where I came from…is a lifetime of training in preparation for this, and you and your aged master played right into my hands. *You would have fared better had you taken the long way with Amidala.” *
---Obi-Wan calms himself and “sees” Qui-Gon’s lightsaber in his mind. *It begins to move toward him, and Obi-Wan says under his breath,
* “This is what my life was trained for…” and with a grunt he leapt from the pit and caught his saber, and Maul was only half the man he once was.
After being in the wrong place at the wrong time and firing the shot to destroy the Droid Control ship, Anakin lands the fighter in the Naboo bay and is greeted by ecstatic pilots who are surprised to see him in the fighter. *
Anakin: “I don’t know how it happened. *I pressed the wrong buttons and the autopilot took over. *It was the autopilot which flew the ship into the battle.”
Ric Olie: “We’re lucky you wound up where you did Ani, but our fighter craft are not equipped with autopilot!”
--I would put that in to reinforce the suggestion that it was the will of the Force that enabled Anakin to be in the right place at the right time.
After Jinn died in Obi-Wan’s arms, the next scene will have Gunray and Dolfine sitting on chairs back to back with several armed Naboo guards surrounding them as Amidala chastised them. *She tells them that they will have to face criminal charges for their invasion, and will be forced to compensate the families who suffered under their occupation, especially the family members who survived loved one’s deaths. *Obi-Wan enters the room and strides right up to the surrounded TF leaders. *When Amidala asks him about Qui-Gon, Obi breaks the news to her of his master’s death. *Then to Gunray he demands to know the details of his involvement with the Sith. *Gunray stutters and plays dumb, claiming to not know who the dark warrior who was sent there was. *
* When Obi-Wan leaves him, he whispers to his TF companion,
* “I fear Lord Sideous has set us up to take the fall for him. But if we reveal anything about our treaty with him, he will ensure that we are murdered before we could testify. *We must remain silent for our own sakes.”
* And...the final and most ominous discussion in the movie:
Mace: "There is no doubt now that the mysterious warrior is a Sith. *What we dreaded most...the Sith have returned."
Yoda: "Know now we do why the balance of peaceful harmony of the Force is in disarray. *Only the evil of the Sith could cause such an imbalance, even in such small numbers as they were in hiding. *The rule of the Sith for survival, understand it now I do. *Always two there are, no more, no less. *A master and an apprentice. *One to manipulate and fool all others, and the other to do his bidding."
Mace: "But which was destroyed, the master or the apprentice?"
Yoda: "Know that we do not. *Only know, we do, that greater conflicts and darkness await us, by this phantom menace, the dark lord of the Sith."
Pan and stop on Palpatine, and cut to victory parade.
That is all for now the changes I have dwelled upon, though I may post additional changes later. *It may be much more information than others would agree with without slowing the pace of the movie, but that's the way I would have done it. *What about you? *How would you have done it differently?