Spaceballs!

[Darth Vegas]

<div align=center><font style='width=80%; filter:shadow(color=royalblue)'>SPACEBALLS!</div></font>


<div align=center>Once upon a time warp in a galaxy very, very, very, very, far away, there lived a ruthless race of beings known as Spaceballss


Chapter Eleven

The evil leaders of Planet Spaceball, having foolishly squandered their precious atmosphere, have devised a secret plan to take every breath of air away from their peace-loving neighbor, Planet Druidia.

Today is Princess Vespa's wedding day. Unbeknownst to the princess, but knowest to us, danger lurks in the stars above. . .





















































































































































If you can read this, you don't need glasses.</div>

A large ship takes forever to pass on by.....

On the bridge of Spaceball 1......

"Colonel Sanders!"

[Dark Skywalker 9]

Sanders: "What is it, Sergeant Rico?"

[Darth Vegas]

"You told me to tell you when planet Druidia is in sight sir."

[Obi-Stu]

"So"

[Darth Vegas]

"Planet Druidia is in sight sir."

[Obi-Stu]

"You're really a Spaceball. You know that, don't you?"

[Darth Vegas]

"Thank you sir."

[leandar]

Have you notified Lord Helmet yet?

[Obi-Stu]

"Yes, sir. I took the liberty. He's on his way."

[Darth Vegas]

"Make way for Dark Helmet."

[leandar]

All rise in the presence of Dark Helmet!!

[Darth Vegas]

Helmet walks into the room, everyone holds thereself....

"Jesus I can't breath in this thing."

[Dark Skywalker 9]

Sanders: "We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir."

[Obi-Stu]

Isn't it :

Dark Helmet: "Good. I'll call Spaceball City, and notify President Scroob immediately."

Rico :"I already called him, sir. He knows everything."

[Darth Vegas]

You are right Obi-Stu, ha I got the good line!!!

"What?! You went over my helmet!"

[Obi-Stu]

"Well, not exactly over it, sir. More on the side. I'll always call you first. It'll never happen again. Never, ever!"

[Jedi Killer]

"oh no! not that!"

[Darth Vegas]

"Yes that!"

[Obi-Stu]

"Whaoooooooo! Owwwwwwwwww!"

Or something like that....

[leandar]

Sandurz!!!

Col. Sandurz covers his crotch with his hands and replies:

Sir?

I don't see planet Druidia, where is it?

[Dark Skywalker 9]

SANDERS: "We don't have visual contact yet, sir,
but we have it on the radar screen. Shall I punch it up for you?"

[Obi-Stu]

"Na, nevermind. I'll do it myself."

[Obi-Stu]

"What's all that churning and bubbling? You call that a radar screen."

[Darth Vegas]

"No sir, we call it Mr. Coffee."

[Obi-Stu]

Care for some?

[Darth Vegas]

"Of course, I always take my coffee while watching radar you know that!"

[Obi-Stu]

"Of course I do, sir."

[Darth Vegas]

Everybody stands up, grabbing theirself..

"Of course we do sir!"

[leandar]

Now that I have my coffee, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?

[Obi-Stu]

"Right here, sir."

[leandar]

Switch to teleview.

There it is, planet Druidia. And underneath the airshield ten thousand years of fresh air. We must get inside that airshield.

[Obi-Stu]

"We will, sir. Once we kidnap the princess, we will force her father, King Roland, to give us the combination to the air shield. Thereby destroying Planet Druidia and saving Planet Spaceballs."

[Dark Skywalker 9]

DARK HELMET: "Everybody got that. Good! When will the
princess be married?"

[Darth Vegas]

Sanders: "Within the hour sir."

[Dark Skywalker 9]

DARK HELMET: "Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause
it's gonna be a short honeymoon."

(takes a drink of coffee)
"Mmmmmmm, mmmmmm, mmmmmm."

[Darth Vegas]

*Helmet chokes on coffee, Sanders smacks his back causing Helmet to spill coffee*

"Hot, hot hot!"

[Clara]

Camera goes down to Planet Druidia and focuses on sign in front of building.

"Today: the royal marriage of Princess Vespa and Prince Valium.

Tomorrow: Bingo"

[leandar]

Oh, I wish your mother were still alive to see this day.

[Dark Skywalker 9]

King Roland: "All right, is everybody ready?"

[leandar]

Wait!!! Where's my droid of honor?

[Obi-Stu]

"Oh dear, yes. Where's Dot? Dot? Dot Matrix? Oh, thank god. Where've you been?"

[Darth Vegas]

DOT: "Here I am. I'm sorry. I had to make a pit
stop. I was so excited, I couldn't hold my oil."

[Obi-Stu]

"All right, people. It's magic time."

[leandar]

All right everyone, starting on the left foot.

Daddy, that's your right foot.

Too late, keep going!!

[Dark Prince]

I think it is:

"But Daddy, I dont love him!"

[Dark Prince]

I think it is:

"But Daddy, I dont love him!"

[leandar]

Actually it's more like:

Daddy, do I have to?

I'm sorry, Vespa. You have to.

But, Daddy. I don't love him.

I'm sorry, Vespa. He's the last prince left in the galaxy.

(then we get to one of my favorite lines in the movie)

Dearly beloved, we are here to witness Princess Vespa, daughter of King Roland, going right past the altar, heading down the ramp and out the door!!!!


(LOL...hilarious)

[Obi-Stu]

"Stop her! Someone, stop her! Stop her!"

[leandar]

King Roland: Where's she going? Where is she going?

Prince Valium: Come ba-(yawns)-ack!!!

[Darth Vegas]

Waaaayyyyy off.


VESPA Must I go through with this.

ROLAND I'm sorry, my dear, you have to.

They start walking again. The organ starts up
again.

VESPA (stops) But, daddy.

Organ stops again.

VESPA I don't love him.

ROLAND I'm sorry, Vespa, he's the last prince
left in the galaxy.

VALIUM yawns. They reach the altar.

MINISTER Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
on this most joyous occasion, to witness Princess Vespa, daughter of King
Roland....

VESPA starts running toward the door, while Dot
is dragging behind.

MINISTER ....going right past the alter, heading
down the ramp, and out the door.

ROLAND Stop her! Someone, stop her! Stop her!

EXT. CHAPEL - DAY VESPA and DOT come out of the
chapel. They head for the getaway car.

DOT Hey wait! You forgot to get married. Will
you stop?

They get to the car. VESPA opens the door.

DOT What are you doing?

VESPA (starts to get in the getaway car) No questions,
Dot. Get in.

Car starts up, and the ramp starts to tilt upward.
Everyone else comes out of the chapel.

ROLAND What is she doing? Where is she going?

The car takes off toward space.

VALIUM Come baaaaack! (yawns while saying back)

INT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE The Eagle 5 is a Winnebago
with wings. BARF is eating ice cream and dancing to music. BARF is a mog.
He's half man, half dog. LONE STARR is at the wheel, asleep. LONE STARR
is drunk. He is a normal human. "AUTOMATIC PILOT" is flashing.
The phone starts ringing.

LONE STARR (wakes up) Barf. Barf. Barf!

[Obi-Stu]

"Huh?"

[Clara]

Turns down music

[off screen] "Barf!"

[Dark Skywalker 9]

BARF: "Always when I'm eating."

Barf puts down the ice cream, and picks up some Milkbones.

[Clara]

Barf walks into cockpit.

Lonestar: "Where were you?"

[Dark Skywalker 9]

BARF: "Oh, just grabbin' myself a snack. You want
some?" (offers a Milkbone to Lonestar)

[leandar]

Lonestar: NO!! Will you answer that?

Barf: Oh, sure. I'll just hit the audio button so they can't see us.

Oops.

[Obi-Stu]

"Hello, Lone Starr."

[Darth Vegas]

BARF: What can I do you for, boss?

LONE STARR: Where ya been?

BARF: Oh, just grabbin' myself a snack. You want
some? (offers a Milkbone to Lone Starr)

LONE: STARR No!

BARF: C'mon. A little hair on the dot.

LONE STARR: Answer that for me. Will ya?

BARF: Ah, sure. (hits Lone Starr with his tail)

LONE STARR: Will you watch that thing?

BARF: Oh, sorry. I'll just put it on audio. That
way they won't see ya. (hits the video switch) Yello.

VINNIE: appears on the screen. VINNIE is a half
robot, half man.

VINNIE: Hello, Lone Starr.

BARF: Sorry, wrong switch.

[Dark Skywalker 9]

LONESTAR: "Hello, Vinnie, what do you want?"

VINNIE: "No, no, no, no, no. It's not what I want.
It's what he wants."

[leandar]

BOTH: Pizza the Hutt!!!!

PIZZA: Well, if it isn't Lone Star and his sidekick, Puke.

BARF: That's Barf.

PIZZA: Barf, puke, whatever. Where's my money?

[Clara]

Focus shifts to hutt like creature with pieces falling off, and image that always almost makes my sister sick.

Lonestar/Barf: "Pizza da Hutt!"

[Darth Vegas]

That line was posted already. See post above you. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/satisfied.gif

Leandar and Dark Skywalker 9, one line per post and/or only lines spoke in continuance by the same character. I posted all those lines because you guys did it wrong.

"Don't worry Pizza, we'll have to you by next week."

[Clara]

Have you ever noticed that if your post is at the top of the page it tends to disappear until someone else posts? Okay now, not sure on the wording here...

Pizza: "Next week? Nah nah, I've gotta have it by tomorra."

[Darth Vegas]

"By tommara!?!?!?!"

[Clara]

Ha! You're wrong! Not sure on the numbers here, so correct me if I'm wrong

Lonestar: "30, 000 space bucks? By tommorow?

Pizza: "30, 000? You forget late charges, bringing it too... *thinks* one million space bucks."

[Darth Vegas]

Well, we're both wrong, it's 100,000 Sapcebucks.

"A million!!! That's not fair."

[Clara]

Actually, it's "That's unfair."

Pizza: "Unfair to the payer, but not to the payee."

[Darth Vegas]

This is really bad, it's "Unfair to the pay-all but not to the payee, and yer gonna pay it, or else."

"Or else what?!"

[Clara]

Pizza looks to the side

"Tell him Vinnie"

[DblDwn]

Vinnie jerks neck to the right

"Or else Pizza, is gonna send for you"

[Darth Vegas]

*Laughs*

Vinnie eats Pizza

"Your delicious!"

[Clara]

Barf and Lonestar laugh, but when the picture disappears, they begin to cry.

[Dark Skywalker 9]

VESPA'S CAR - VESPA is listening to
music in headphones.

DOT MATRIX: "Can we talk? Okay, we all know Prince Valium
is pilled, but you could've married him for your father's sake, and have a headache for the next 25 years."

[Darth Vegas]

VESPA kinda ignores her:

DOT: "Will you turn that thing off!"

[Obi-Stu]

"What? (takes off the headphones) What is it?"

[Darth Vegas]

DOT: "I was saying, do you realize what you've done!"

[Obi-Stu]

"Yes, and I'm glad. Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad." (puts the headphones back on)

[Darth Vegas]

(Saractically) "I wonder if she's glad?"

[Dark Skywalker 9]

SPACEBALL CITY - PRESIDENT SKROOB'S OFFICE
SKROOB is talking on the phone.

SKROOB: "Don't be ridiculous. As president of Planet
Spaceball, I can assure both you and your viewers, that there is absolutely no air shortage whatsoever. Yes, of course, I've heard the same rumor myself. Thanks for calling, and not reversing the charges. Bye. Sh*thead."

[Darth Vegas]

(ov the viewer) "President Scroob!"

[Obi-Stu]

Yes.

[Darth Vegas]

"This is Central Control, Spaceball Commanderette Zarican speaking, sir."

[Obi-Stu]

"Yes, what is it Commanderette?"

[Darth Vegas]

"Lord Helmet has informed us that Princess Vespa is in sight, and Spaceball 1 is closing in on her."

[Obi-Stu]

"Good, good."

[Darth Vegas]

"We have both ships coming up on the teledar, sir, if you wish to observe."

[Obi-Stu]

I'll be down immediately.

[bluemilk]

Shall I have Snotty beam you down?

[Dark Skywalker 9]

SKROOB: "I don't know about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?"

[Darth Vegas]

Commanderette: "Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful."

[Obi-Stu]

All right, I take a shot at it. What the hell, it works on Star Trek.

[jedi hunter]

"snotty beam'em up."

[jadeskywalker]

" Why didn't ou tell me my ass was that big?"