Fabulous and Insightful Advice

[Padme]

Darth Insightful.

[Darth Fabulous]

Don't encourage him.

[Padme]

Why?

[Darth Fabulous]

For every good joke he comes up with there are ten more that are just plain bad.

[Padme]

Still he is funny!

[Darth Insightful]

I detect a little green monster. She can't help it if she finds me charming, debonair, terribly handsome and hilarious.

[Darth Fabulous]

We all know I'm the hot one here.

[Darth Insightful]

She can't help it if she finds me charming, debonair, terribly handsome and hilarious.

Or, to put it in simpler terms for you DF, everything you are not.

[Darth Fabulous]

Turn around and say that to my face!

[Padme]

You guys are to funny! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

We try entertain and give advice, we're a double-threat.

[Krogenar]

Boy, I go away for a couple days and things get crazy around here. A quick recap for those who may have missed it:

Loved by millions, and yet a dark mystery, DI once again has set us on the right track.

1. Krogenar advised Darth Lara on her multiple personality problem. Have to say that I agree with his assessment. Kudos to Krogenar.

Thank you. Lara, how did that work out?

2. Justin gets Darth Fabulous so mad he's shaking like Ted Kennedy at a dry party. I think this subject has been hashed out sufficiently so I feel no need to comment further.

Ted Kennedy?! To be fair, DF is my friend, so please don't compare him to Ted Kennedy. I know DF's jeans are low cut, but contrary to Mr. Kennedy, he at least goes to the trouble of wearing pants.

3. Then we've got DF and Padme renewing their little fling here lately. I myself was worried that the excitement and romance had gone out of that relationship. I see a Billy Bob Thorton-Angelina Jolie sort of thing going on here at some point, minus the divorce. It's getting closer and closer to Spring and love is in the air.

(Sprays some air freshener.) My advice: get a room!

[Krogenar]

Boy, I go away for a couple days and things get crazy around here. A quick recap for those who may have missed it:

Loved by millions, and yet a dark mystery, DI once again has set us on the right track.

1. Krogenar advised Darth Lara on her multiple personality problem. Have to say that I agree with his assessment. Kudos to Krogenar.

Thank you. Lara, how did that work out?

2. Justin gets Darth Fabulous so mad he's shaking like Ted Kennedy at a dry party. I think this subject has been hashed out sufficiently so I feel no need to comment further.

Ted Kennedy?! To be fair, DF is my friend, so please don't compare him to Ted Kennedy. I know DF's jeans are low cut, but contrary to Mr. Kennedy, he at least goes to the trouble of wearing pants.

3. Then we've got DF and Padme renewing their little fling here lately. I myself was worried that the excitement and romance had gone out of that relationship. I see a Billy Bob Thorton-Angelina Jolie sort of thing going on here at some point, minus the divorce. It's getting closer and closer to Spring and love is in the air.

(Sprays some air freshener.) My advice: get a room!

[Lara]

Krog, it worked out fine. I did what you suggested and the weirdest thing happened; one of my personalities fell in love with the helicopter and the other one decided that she looked sexy in a clown suit, the former is living in the chopper somewhere and the latter decided to become a circus clown.

I am very grateful to you, Krog, since they have left me alone once and for all. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

[Krogenar]

No worries, Lara.
I'm here to help, like a modern day Johnny Appleseed, planting seeds of useful advice, as I range across the psychological landscape...

(checks his bag)

Oh, hey, these are rocks, not seeds. Ah well.

[Darth Fabulous]

Ted Kennedy?! To be fair, DF is my friend, so please don't compare him to Ted Kennedy. I know DF's jeans are low cut, but contrary to Mr. Kennedy, he at least goes to the trouble of wearing pants.

Thanks K. He has been waiting to use the Ted Kennedy line for some time now, so I let it slide. It's nice to know someone cares enough to stick up for me.

[Whitesaber]

Why the Kessel is there no questions being asked on this advice thread?

[Darth Fabulous]

Well you just asked one, thereby making your question irrelevant.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Whitesaber@Feb 18 2003, 02:13 PM
Why the Kessel is there no questions being asked on this advice thread?
Well, that's a simple question with a complicated, multi-tiered, diagrammed answer: people are terrified of the truth.

Quite frankly, the brute honesty of the answers doled out by the Insightful/Fabulous/Krogenar advice triumvirate make some of our more sensitive readers hesitant. In that brief moment, most of our readers (I suspect) discover that their question was silly in the first place, and decide not to get us started.

Let's take Darth Lara for example. She had the guts to tell us the straight poop on her multiple personality dysfunction. And because of that, we felt that she deserved a thoughtful, honest, hastily-written answer. Lara had the intestinal fortitude necessary to dress her warring personalities in matching clown outfits - and for that, she has reaped the rewards.

So, Whitesaber, look into the deep, dark abyss of your psyche, and ask us for advice.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 18 2003, 01:24 PM
Ted Kennedy?! To be fair, DF is my friend, so please don't compare him to Ted Kennedy. I know DF's jeans are low cut, but contrary to Mr. Kennedy, he at least goes to the trouble of wearing pants.

Thanks K. He has been waiting to use the Ted Kennedy line for some time now, so I let it slide. It's nice to know someone cares enough to stick up for me.
Well, it was also the thought of Ted Kennedy wearing low cut jeans that forced my hand. Honestly, I don't know anyone that I would feel comfortable comparing to Ted Kennedy.

Kudos to Insightful for lampooning Ted Kennedy. He's one of my favorite windbags too. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif He was asleep during the most recent State of the Union addresses. Ted Kennedy: pantless alcoholic moron.

[FerrisWiel]

Dear Fabio, Torgo and Ator,

I am presently involved with a member of the opposite sex to whom I am marginally attracted. The problem is I don't know that I really want to be in even a dating relationship. Of course, being male and in my early twenties I got a little amorous with her and now I fear I've taken a turn that I'm unprepared for. She's a sweet girl but she's young (only 18) and largely insecure. I don't mind her, it's just that I can't afford to keep her. I wish they had something like an animal shelter for cases such as this. Any ideas?

--FW

[Darth Fabulous]

I suggest you string her along and get all the physical pleasure without all the emotional crap. Exploit the innocent and insecure! Just keep telling her that other women have hurt you in the past and you are affraid to open yourself up to more pain. Tell her horror stories of past relationships. Tell her you enjoy her company and use whatever moves you might have to secure a physical relationship. When you grow tired of her tell her you just aren't ready to move on but do just that; move on to the next insecure innocent marginally attractive woman. God bless and good hunting tiger. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

[Padme]

That is so wrong!

[Darth Fabulous]

How so?

[Padme]

To use someone like that is wrong! Guys that do things like that are jerks.

[FerrisWiel]

Well, Padme, what's your input, then?

--FW

[Padme]

If you don't really want to keep dating her then break up with her.

[FerrisWiel]

Hmm. I've never been on that end of the boot before, though. Perhaps I could set up an elaborate string of occurrences and pratfalls so that she would dump me instead while still believing me to be a charming, loveable loser with whom she just had no future, all the while ensuring that I win the tomcats bet I made with my four buddies.

--FW

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by FerrisWiel@Feb 18 2003, 03:54 PM
Dear Fabio, Torgo and Ator,

I am presently involved with a member of the opposite sex to whom I am marginally attracted. The problem is I don't know that I really want to be in even a dating relationship. Of course, being male and in my early twenties I got a little amorous with her and now I fear I've taken a turn that I'm unprepared for. She's a sweet girl but she's young (only 18) and largely insecure. I don't mind her, it's just that I can't afford to keep her. I wish they had something like an animal shelter for cases such as this. Any ideas?

--FW
Well Ferris, you seem to have gotten yourself in to quite a pickle. There are several ways you could extricate yourself, some more humane than others.

1. Tell her you have a mortal fear of commitment. I've employed this tactic on more than one occasion and it has worked out. Sidenote here: Just so the ladies don't think I'm a jerk, I do have a small fear of commitment, but largely because I fear commitment to the wrong girl, and not commitment in general.

2. Tell her you've decided to persue a career that will take you overseas. Mercenary perhaps, or possibly a missionary, the possibilities are endless really. As I suggested to MegoHulk earlier in this thread, move to Switzerland and become a concert yodeler (for some reason the phrase "concert yodeler" cracks me up).

3. Here's a radical idea, but bear with me: tell her what you told the rest of us in your post. If you explain to her that you were caught up in the moment and did some things that you probably shouldn't have, I think she'll understand. If you're honest with her I think it will help your cause.

4. Tell her you've decided to change your sexual orientation. Drastic? Yes. Effective? Don't know, never tried it, but in theory it seems as though it would work. The hard part about this is "keeping up appearances" as it were. Of course, you can always tell her later that it was merely a phase you were going through and that she'll go through that experimentation period when she's older. Then you can tell her to video tape those instances of exploration and send said videos to you for further study.

5. Fake your own death and leave town. Similar to suggestion #2, but could also be much more dramatic and give a sense of closure to the young lady. Plus you get to see if you have the ability to act, which could be useful later in life.

[Padme]

Originally posted by Darth Insightful@Feb 18 2003, 03:33 PM
5. Fake your own death and leave town. Similar to suggestion #2, but could also be much more dramatic and give a sense of closure to the young lady. Plus you get to see if you have the ability to act, which could be useful later in life.
Thats funny! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

To use someone like that is wrong! Guys that do things like that are jerks.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

[Padme]

Thats just stupid.

[FerrisWiel]

Well, Insightful, #1 is pretty accurate for me. I mean, that's the big reason why I don't want to be in a relationship. Of course, the regular amorous contact is nice, but the consequence is that I'm responsible for another human being's emotional state at some level and I'm too shallow for that. My big problem, of course, is that I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Worse yet, it's not so bad being with her right now but I just know how things go and I predict the entire thing will just go to hell.

--FW

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 18 2003, 04:17 PM
I suggest you string her along and get all the physical pleasure without all the emotional crap. Exploit the innocent and insecure! Just keep telling her that other women have hurt you in the past and you are affraid to open yourself up to more pain. Tell her horror stories of past relationships. Tell her you enjoy her company and use whatever moves you might have to secure a physical relationship. When you grow tired of her tell her you just aren't ready to move on but do just that; move on to the next insecure innocent marginally attractive woman. God bless and good hunting tiger. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif
In one fell swoop, DF has probably suceeded in urinating off every last woman on this board. Congratulations are in order for him, but if he expresses these views to any femininas, a cup will also be in order (and not the kind you drink out of).

I have to say that I agree with Padme in her disdain of this advice. I think that particular course of action can only lead to more problems and complications.

[FerrisWiel]

Oh, and in case I'm bringing things down, here's a joke:

A penguin is on vacation from Antarctica and visiting Nevada during the summer. The rental car he's hired breaks down, though in a small town. Fortunately there is a competent mechanic who tells him he can figure out what's wrong and probably have the job finished in an hour or so.

The penguin, free time now at his disposal and extremely warm from the desert heat decides to visit an ice cream parlor next door to the mechanic's shop. He orders a vanilla ice cream cone. As hot as it is, though, the ice cream melts and it ends up all over his face.

Satisfied by his cool treat, the penguin goes back next door and the mechanic tells him, "It looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin blushes slightly and then replies, "No, this is just ice cream."

--FW

[Darth Fabulous]

Don't be affraid to hurt someone else's feelings. Pursue a relationship and whenever you feel uncomfortable or things aren't going the way you expect just cut bait. You should never hesitate to end a relationship, you will only end up hurting everyone more if you try to stay in a failing relationship. Seriously, try telling her how you really feel and find out what she thinks.

[Padme]

Thank you Darth Insightful.

[Darth Insightful]

Worse yet, it's not so bad being with her right now but I just know how things go and I predict the entire thing will just go to hell.

Ah yes, the pre-emptive strike maneuver. I have been down this path before as well. It is a slippery slope, no doubt about that. Yet when executed with style and aplomb it can be very effective. If you have doubts that the relationship can or will work, then the best thing to do is to take a step back and decide whether it has potential. If it does, then take a chance. If it doesn't, then you should end it before it gets too serious.

[Obidobi]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 18 2003, 06:34 AM
Obidobi, I don't think she knows where heaven no. 7 is.
Yeah I guess so! Probably never been there ! ??? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by FerrisWiel@Feb 18 2003, 04:54 PM
Dear Fabio, Torgo and Ator,

I am presently involved with a member of the opposite sex to whom I am marginally attracted. The problem is I don't know that I really want to be in even a dating relationship. Of course, being male and in my early twenties I got a little amorous with her and now I fear I've taken a turn that I'm unprepared for. She's a sweet girl but she's young (only 18) and largely insecure. I don't mind her, it's just that I can't afford to keep her. I wish they had something like an animal shelter for cases such as this. Any ideas?

--FW
I am Ator, friend to children.

To be serious here (just this once) I would suggest that you dump this girl immediately. Better that she suffer the rejection now, early on, than for her to develop an ever-increasingly barnacle-like attachment to you.

Ask yourself: Are you staying in this 'relationship' because you don't want to harm her, or because you don't want to face the fact that you want no part of her heart, but only those parts of hers which are heart shaped. To dump her as gently but firmly as possible would be a sign that you are indeed a man Ferris, and not a boy. You should think about her welfare - not your own.

And, make a promise that you will (in the future) use your wooing powers for good... not evil.

Thank you, please drive through.

(works out on the Charismatic Soloflex of Zantar V, his pectoral muscles bulging...)

[Darth Fabulous]

Does anyone need advice?

[Padme]

I don't really think I want your advice. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Now that's just mean!

[Padme]

How so?

[Darth Fabulous]

You said you don't think you really want my advice. That hurt.

[Lord Rocha]

You are giving advice too , Darth Fabulous ? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Oh yeah, Darth Insightful, Krogenar, and myself have been giving advice on this thread for some time now.

[Lord Rocha]

Everyone is giving advice in their threads !!

Who was the first to establish an Advice Thread ? ???

[Darth Fabulous]

I don't know, but lately this one and Padme's have been dominating the advice market.

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Senator Pter Thanas@Feb 19 2003, 12:36 AM

You are giving advice too , Darth Fabulous ? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif
Oftentimes Darth Fabulous' advice is mistaken for incoherent drivel and shrugged off by those seeking counsel. However, he does come up with a good point now and then, proving that the blind really can lead the blind.

[Darth Fabulous]

Let's not forget whose thread this is my dear friend.

[Padme]

Mine is better!

[Lord Rocha]

Oh...that explains everything !!

Thanks for the fact Darth Insightful

[Darth Fabulous]

I agree, although you must admit we are second only to you, a remarkable feat considering how new our thread is.

[Padme]

I don't care!

[Darth Fabulous]

You hate me don't you? Why do you hate me so?

[Padme]

I never said I hated you.

[Darth Fabulous]

You sure are acting like it.

[Padme]

I just don't like some of the things you say.

[Darth Fabulous]

Like?

[Padme]

Everything. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Thanks for being specific. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif Telling me what I've done wrong is the only way I grow.

[Padme]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Seriously, what did I say that you didn't like?

[Padme]

Telling Ferriswiel to use his girlfriend for sex and then dump her and move on. To me it looked like you had no respect for women.

[Darth Fabulous]

I have respect for women who deserve respect, which at Miami University is a rare thing. I just don't see anything wrong with a casual physical relationship.

[Padme]

Thats your buisness. I just didn't like what you said.

[Darth Fabulous]

By the way the young foolish me used women. The older more mature me does not. If womanizing and promiscuity is part of someone's lifestyle I don't judge them. I think it's the sort of thing someone outgrows, I know I did. It sounded to me that the advice I gave was what Ferriswiel was what he was looking for, so I gave it. If that's not his style and not what he wanted to hear then he will probably ignore my advice.

[Darth Insightful]

Whoa kids! Sounds like we've got a five-alarm relationship emergency here. But don't fret, I'll do my best to fix this sinking ship.

Step One: Identify the problem. What's the real reason you two are fighting? Sure, others may point to DF's insensitive remarks earlier about using women. That's part of it, but not the whole story. As Paul Harvey would say, here's the rest of the story:

From his birth, DF has had an unusually large ego. On several occasions it has physically manifested itself and gone on terrible killing sprees. In fact, Jack the Ripper was not really a guy named Jack, but was rather DF's ego run amuck. I think Padme realized just how dangerous DF and his ego are and decided that it just wasn't worth the risk. DF, upon hearing the dissapointing news that his affections would not be returned, flew into a terrible rage and viciously attacked several bystanders. But this isn't a completely sad story, as FOX has recently approached DF about starring in his choice of reality television shows, one being "Joe Egocentric," and the other being "When Delusional, Self-Absorbed, Disease-Ridden, Womanizing, Low-Rider Jean Wearing Justin Timberlake Fans Attack." I think either one would be a big hit.

Step Two: Whatever the two of you do (Padme and DF), don't talk about your problems with each other. Talking only makes things worse. Instead, yell incoherently at each other until you're both hoarse. If you don't like calling it yelling, consider it an "airing of grievances" (even easier to do if you're one of those folks who celebrates Festivus). Then flip a coin to determine which one of you is right. I've concluded that this is the best way for settling any dispute between two people.

Step Three: Spend some time apart. Heed that age old warning: "familiarity breeds contempt." Or, if you prefer a nicer version, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Just look at Bill and Hillary Clinton. They're never together, she's always in Washington and he's always either at their house in New York or his office in Harlem, and just look at how strong their marriage is.

Step Four: make up. Probably the most exciting of all the steps. However, don't make the mistake of telling everyone about it. Believe me, they'll thank you when they don't have to gouge out their mind's eye.

I hope this helps the two of you. The rest of us can't live without our daily dose of the Padme and Darth Fabulous soap opera.

[Padme]

How old are you 20? And you have grown mature already. How old were you when you used women?

[Darth Fabulous]

15-17

[Padme]

Darth Insightful you are so funny!

[Darth Insightful]

Why thank you.

[Padme]

Thats a little young to be a womanizer.

[Padme]

DI, Is that true about his large ego? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

I agree, I was young.

[Darth Insightful]

Thats a little young to be a womanizer.

Due to a horrible lab accident, Darth Fabulous matures quicker than a normal person. Due to this, he'll have his mid-life crisis when he's 27, and retire when he's 41.

DI, Is that true about his large ego?

Absolutely. The really scary part is that when his ego does manifest itself, it takes the form of Yanni. Frightening I know, but I couldn't make this stuff up.

[Darth Fabulous]

That's just not funny man.

[Darth Fabulous]

Yanni? We both know my ego manifests itself in the form of a giagantic mutated Barbara Streisand.

[FerrisWiel]

Originally posted by Padme@Feb 19 2003, 01:38 AM
DI, Is that true about his large ego? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif
It's not the size of the ego, it's how you use it.

--Ferris Wiel

PS - Just refrain from stroking it too much, that gets messy.

[FerrisWiel]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 19 2003, 01:49 AM
Yanni? We both know my ego manifests itself in the form of a giagantic mutated Barbara Streisand.
I thought that Barbara Streisand herself was the giant mutated version.

--Ferris Wiel

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 19 2003, 02:17 AM
I have respect for women who deserve respect, which at Miami University is a rare thing. I just don't see anything wrong with a casual physical relationship.
What I find funny about this, is that Ferris Wiel actually had an interesting situation (though probably not uncommon) - imagine someone gesturing to their left and right.

On the right, a fun, frisky sexual romp.
On the left, is... my conscience.

Which to choose?

Ferris was intelligent enough to know that the situation as it stands is fun, but it does have consequences for the girl involved, and, for himself as well.

[FerrisWiel]

Krog (Ator, Keeper of the Chest Wax of Ilrudia),

For better or worse, the details weren't nearly as sordid as that, really. I'm a pretty boring guy whose vast history of amorous activity generally involves simply a few kisses, PG-rated caresses and gentle, mildly romantic words (and perhaps the occasional fondle) - not steamy bodice ripping (well, there were a few times in my "carefree youth"). My biggest issue had more to do with my fear of commitment, particularly to one so young (18). After discussion with a close and older friend (who happens to be the young lady's uncle), he sponsors the idea and actually thinks I'd do well by it, minding I keep my hands to myself *gulp*. This, of course, comes hot on the heels of my parents (who live 1000 miles away) berating me over the situation. The damn thing is so basic in terms of sex yet complicated in terms of love that I've used two full-sized blackboards to manage the equation and I'm still not finished. This, of course, is why I turn to you.

Grr.

--FW

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by FerrisWiel@Feb 19 2003, 11:06 AM
Krog (Ator, Keeper of the Chest Wax of Ilrudia),

For better or worse, the details weren't nearly as sordid as that, really. I'm a pretty boring guy whose vast history of amorous activity generally involves simply a few kisses, PG-rated caresses and gentle, mildly romantic words (and perhaps the occasional fondle) - not steamy bodice ripping (well, there were a few times in my "carefree youth"). My biggest issue had more to do with my fear of commitment, particularly to one so young (18). After discussion with a close and older friend (who happens to be the young lady's uncle), he sponsors the idea and actually thinks I'd do well by it, minding I keep my hands to myself *gulp*. This, of course, comes hot on the heels of my parents (who live 1000 miles away) berating me over the situation. The damn thing is so basic in terms of sex yet complicated in terms of love that I've used two full-sized blackboards to manage the equation and I'm still not finished. This, of course, is why I turn to you.

Grr.

--FW
(turns down his acerbic control knob)

Ferris, you're a gentleman and a scout.
I won't tell anyone.

There are women who are more mature at 18, than many 25-year-olds. In my own youth, I was cheerfully passed around by many older women, who found in me a depth of sincerity and charm that the older men (in their later 20's) simply couldn't match.

Since then, I've stuck to younger women, to my romantic peril. So long as you follow your conscience, and keep the welfare of the lady at heart, you should be able to sleep well. Keep in mind that no relationship has to go on to marriage. Don't worry about breaking someone's heart - hearts mend. My first year in college, my heart was rent asunder by the 400 mile distance from my first girlfriend (she didn't even know we were an item) - then I met a nice German girl, and within a month, I couldn't remember the spelling of the other girl's last name. And then my lovely fraulein and I broke up, and the process has repeated itself ever since. Does my heart ache for these old flames? It doesn't ache, but it doesn't forget either. All in all, it's a nice feeling.

My point (and there is one) is that she'll survive any emotional knocking about you give her. She won't forget you if it doesn't work out, but she's unlikely to hate you, or hold you responsible. Romance is a risk, just take it, and hope for the best. Just take it very slow until you have a better sense of the situation.

[FerrisWiel]

*FerrisWiel* watches as KrogenAtor, biceps rippling, flies off in his glider of power, returning to the ends of the earth. He is struck dumb by the half-screen posterization effect's power and by the hero's words. He whispers to himself, "Thank you KrogenAtor, thank you," as a small tear streams down his cheek.

Seriously, Krog, thanks. I needed the confirmation. I realize that while it's not necessarily love, I care about the girl and like her quite a bit. I may as well give it a shot as long as I heed her uncle's words.

--FW

[FerrisWiel]

*FerrisWiel is also struck dumb by the power of using the word power twice in the same description of power.

--FW

[Krogenar]

NB: Ferris and I are the only two remaining people in the universe who care about Mystery Science Theater 3000, so we use it as our own personal language at times.

Do not be alarmed.

[Krogenar]

(looks around at the nearest competing advice thread)

On Fabulous, On Insightful!
We need to put this other advice thread in its place!

(dons a black cape, and a 'Zorro' hat)

Gentlemen... prepare to panty raid.

[FerrisWiel]

It's sad, but I've only seen about 20 eps of the show, I own 3 on tape (plus the movie) and I have "Poopie" the outtake clips vid. I long for the days of Joel Robinson and his little Pinocchiesque Sidekicks. I never got into Pearl, Brainguy or Bobo and worse yet, I thought Bill Corbett, while a passable Crow, could never take the place of Trace Beaulieu properly.

When we get the new avatar settings I'm going to put a pic of Joel & Co in full 100x100 glory. I'm also going to have the link to MST3K Info in my sig. What I wouldn't give to have the row of seats and the silhouette of the guys lampooning my every post!

Greater love hath no man, than to sit and watch shoddy films with puppets.

And now, links!:

www.mst3kinfo.com - the fanclub
www.mst3k.com - the SciFi site
www.michaeljnelson.com - The head-writer
www.ayearatthemovies.com - The curmudgeon
www.gizmonics.com (may not work any longer) - The man behind it all

--Ferris Wiel

[Krogenar]

It's sad, but I've only seen about 20 eps of the show, I own 3 on tape (plus the movie) and I have "Poopie" the outtake clips vid. I long for the days of Joel Robinson and his little Pinocchiesque Sidekicks. I never got into Pearl, Brainguy or Bobo and worse yet, I thought Bill Corbett, while a passable Crow, could never take the place of Trace Beaulieu properly.

Bill Corbett makes a great Crow, give the guy a chance! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif I have about 60 episodes on tape, that I've taped myself, or purchased. I very recently came into 12 DVD episodes, so, I'm getting there, slowly. The 12 episodes I got were packaged as the 'Super Sushi Pack' - it's got all the Gamera and Godzilla flicks. The site I got them from is...

Access MST3k (http://www.mst3ktapes.com/)

Great site. I got 12 episodes for 90 bucks - all on DVD, and the quality is excellent. Once I check out the rest of the episodes, I may get more. I'm going to try to get episodes that have shorts. I love the shorts. If you really want more episodes, give this guy a try. I highly, highly recommend Prince of Space and Devil Doll.

Greater love hath no man, than to sit and watch shoddy films with puppets.

I love the show because, well, I feel like the producers share my really esoteric sense of humor.
Basically, I can only make myself laugh - which is ok, but the show is just different.

And now, links!:

www.mst3kinfo.com - the fanclub
www.mst3k.com - the SciFi site
www.michaeljnelson.com - The head-writer
www.ayearatthemovies.com - The curmudgeon
www.gizmonics.com (may not work any longer) - The man behind it all

--Ferris Wiel

[Padme]

Originally posted by Darth Insightful@Feb 19 2003, 12:40 AM
Absolutely. The really scary part is that when his ego does manifest itself, it takes the form of Yanni. Frightening I know, but I couldn't make this stuff up.
I believe it. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Believe what you will, but it's Barbara not Yanni!

[Padme]

Do you look like her to? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Not exactly.

[Padme]

What do you mean?

[Darth Fabulous]

I don't look anything like her, well my nose has been broken twice, but I really don't resemble her at all. Besides, I've told you who I look like before and it wasn't Streisand.

[Padme]

Yes, but how do I know that is true? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

If you want a picture of me all you have to do is ask. You don't need to play these games baby.

[Padme]

Whatever! And don't call me baby! I can't stand that.

[Darth Fabulous]

Take it easy. I call everyone baby and honey all the time, don't think you're getting special attention.

[Padme]

I don't care who you call baby, I don't like being called that.

[Darth Fabulous]

Okay hon.

[Padme]

You are a dork. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Do you know what dork really means?

[Padme]

Yes. I am not talking about what you are thinking! I am talking about the other definition!

[Darth Insightful]

So what's the deal here? Do you two have some sort of agreement where you flirt with each other on this thread every three or four pages? Not complaining because it gets our thread's post total up, just wondering.

[Darth Fabulous]

Yes, that's it exactly. Freak.

[Padme]

Did you call me a freak?

[Darth Fabulous]

No, I called DI a freak.

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 19 2003, 09:57 PM
Yes, that's it exactly. Freak.
Well, since we're apparently describing ourselves now, I'm charming, debonair, terribly handsome and have a wonderful sense of humor.

DF, I think you're being a little hard on yourself. You're really more of a deranged psychopath.

[Padme]

Really DI? Are you more of a man than DF? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

No, he knows which one of us is hotter and more manly.

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Padme@Feb 19 2003, 10:01 PM
Really DI? Are you more of a man than DF? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif
Infinitely more.

[Padme]

DI, Don't you think DF is stuck on his self? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

He knows I am! I know I am! I have admitted that I am stuck on myself many times!

[Padme]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

I'm really quite vain, I spend a lot of time checking myself out.

[Padme]

I don't doubt that at all.

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Padme@Feb 19 2003, 10:04 PM
DI, Don't you think DF is stuck on his self? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif
His vanity trancends being stuck on himself. I don't even think there's a word to describe it.

[Padme]

What does he carry a mirror with him where ever he goes? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Padme@Feb 19 2003, 10:14 PM
What does he carry a mirror with him where ever he goes? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif
Yeah. He runs into people all the time when he walks around because he's looking at himself in a mirror. There are several lawsuits pending against him because of injuries suffered by other parties when he crashes into them while admiring himself.

[Padme]

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Those suits were all dismissed, quit living in the past.

[Padme]

You both are so funny. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

That's really all he has going for him. DI is what you call a one trick pony.

[Padme]

Really? And you have more going for you besides being funny?

[Darth Fabulous]

I'm gorgeous and intelligent and an animal in the sack.

[Padme]

Whatever! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Padme@Feb 19 2003, 10:46 PM
Really? And you have more going for you besides being funny?
No, he has less. He's not funny.

[Darth Fabulous]

I have a reputation, not the kind you tell your parents about, but a good one nevertheless.

[Padme]

You are silly. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

I do love to make ladies smile and giggle.

[Padme]

You are so goofy. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

I will take that as a compliment. Thank you.

[Darth Insightful]

Alright, time to turn this back into an advice thread. Who has terrible problems that this esteemed triumvirate of wise sages can remedy?

[Darth Fabulous]

He uses the word sage far too often.

[Lord Rocha]

I am so desperate i could use some of your ....wisdom ....and advice ! :look:

[Lord Rocha]

Nah...i will wait until the return of Padme style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Okay, thank you come again.

[Lord Rocha]

Well...check Padme and Starra Advice thread and check what i wrote some minutes ago and give me your opinion !!

[Darth Fabulous]

What? Are you too lazy to post it again? We don't make house calls.

[Lord Rocha]

I must write again the whole 3 posts i posted with Padme ??!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

You could copy and paste. How bad do you want advice pal?

[Lord Rocha]

Oh..... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/eh.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unhappy.gif

[Lord Rocha]

PART I

I was trying to continue with my old post of yesterday ...

Well when i saw her today in school i noticed that she was prettier than usual and less gothic. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif She was talking with the dork that seats infront her ..well ... she asked me to see the story i was writing about the ignorance of our class and how the same class is fragmented in "social pieces" and of course the analysis of her character was very complex (i took 2/6 of the initial sketch of the first chapter on her...) . I was suprised ,she had not noticed my story before (that i write between the most inutile subjects ) and now she is giving too many attention to all the activities i am performing....but there is that jerk (the one from the first line of this writing ) who is passing too many time with her ... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/mad.gif

[Lord Rocha]

PART 2 :

Well that jerk is so unpopular in our class (because he is so inmature and likes to do stupid jokes ) , he is in the bottom of the class in the academic issue , he is very skinny, weak, weak minded, has many nasty rumors and spoilers over him and after all is a jerk , a complete jerk that is a stupid wannabe and has anime drawings over all his notebooks (the notebooks have drawings of him but the notebooks lack the writings that the teachers are giving to us all the days) ....could he be a menace ?? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif

[Lord Rocha]

MY MASTER PLAN TO END THIS :

Its time to end with him once for all !! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

Return to the tactics of old is necesary in this things...use my influence in the class could help

[FerrisWiel]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 19 2003, 09:43 PM
Take it easy. I call everyone baby and honey all the time, don't think you're getting special attention.
You've neither called me baby nor honey, sweet cheeks.

--Ferris Wiel

[Darth Fabulous]

Sorry muffin.

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Senator Pter Thanas@Feb 19 2003, 11:54 PM
Nah...i will wait until the return of Padme style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif
The fact that you even took the time to post on our thread suggests you're advice needs are not being satisfied in the other major advice thread, which shall remain nameless at this time. You see, our brand of sensible, down-to-earth advice mixed with sarcasm, humor and just a touch of malice is unparalleled in the field of advice-giving. As a special service to our customers, we offer private advising sessions where DF, Krogenar and myself give more in-depth analysis of the problem. This usually involves the three of us berating you in foreign languages. I don't think I need say how popular that has been. This special feature is available to our "Silver" members, available for the low, low price of $29.99 a month. For just an additional $25.00, you can become a "Gold" member (pun intended for those of you who are Austin Powers fans). This upgrade comes with all kinds of extras, including, but not limited to, the very popular fashion book "Darth Fabulous' Guide to Ponchos and Sombreros" and a very special, limited edition CD, "Krogenar Sings the Songs of David Hasselhoff." I really don't think you want to take the chance on missing out on these great offers. So upgrade your advice membership today! You won't find this offer on any other advice thread.

[Lord Rocha]

This special feature is available to our "Silver" members, available for the low, low price of $29.99 a month. For just an additional $25.00, you can become a "Gold" member . This upgrade comes with all kinds of extras including, the very popular fashion book "Darth Fabulous' Guide to Ponchos and Sombreros" and limited edition CD, "Krogenar Sings the Songs of David Hasselhoff."

Interesting ...Ponchos and Sombreros another example of the ignorance of the Anglo-Saxon world in the Mexican and Hispanic Culture....

And i dont want the CD (Krogenar singing ?) and i will not pay for advice (there is always grandma ....)

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Senator Pter Thanas@Feb 20 2003, 12:09 AM
PART I

I was trying to continue with my old post of yesterday ...

Well when i saw her today in school i noticed that she was prettier than usual and less gothic. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif She was talking with the dork that seats infront her ..well ... she asked me to see the story i was writing about the ignorance of our class and how the same class is fragmented in "social pieces" and of course the analysis of her character was very complex (i took 2/6 of the initial sketch of the first chapter on her...) . I was suprised ,she had not noticed my story before (that i write between the most inutile subjects ) and now she is giving too many attention to all the activities i am performing....but there is that jerk (the one from the first line of this writing ) who is passing too many time with her ...Well that jerk is so unpopular in our class (because he is so inmature and likes to do stupid jokes ) , he is in the bottom of the class in the academic issue , he is very skinny, weak, weak minded, has many nasty rumors and spoilers over him and after all is a jerk , a complete jerk that is a stupid wannabe and has anime drawings over all his notebooks (the notebooks have drawings of him but the notebooks lack the writings that the teachers are giving to us all the days) ....could he be a menace ?? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/mad.gif
Ok, let me try to get this straight. You sort of like this goth-style girl, but you don't know if she likes you in that way, however she is showing a little interest. Meanwhile, she's spending time with this loser guy and you're jealous. That's the way I interpreted it anyway.

Here's what you can do: let her get to know this loser guy a little better and chances are, since you say she's pretty intelligent, she'll figure out that he's no good. This will leave her available and ready for a better guy, such as yourself.

Option 2: trick him into climbing into a large cardboard box. Once inside you can tape it all up, attach the proper postage to the parcel and ship him to Kazakstan. This will take care of your competition and allows him to see the world. Everybody wins.

[FerrisWiel]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 20 2003, 12:21 AM
Sorry muffin.
All is forgiven, cupcake.

--Ferris Wiel

[FerrisWiel]

Originally posted by Darth Insightful@Feb 20 2003, 12:47 AM
Option 2: trick him into climbing into a large cardboard box. Once inside you can tape it all up, attach the proper postage to the parcel and ship him to Kazakstan. This will take care of your competition and allows him to see the world. Everybody wins.
Why not Abu Dhabi, much like that brilliant scoundrel Garfield would do with loveable kitten Nermal?

--Ferris Wiel

[Lord Rocha]

Why Kazakhstan, you have something aganist ex-Soviet Republics ?

[Darth Fabulous]

I think it had more to do with how far away it is and how randomly and arbitrarily he selected the country. He was going for humor, he could have just as easily chosen Djibouti, which is what I would have done, it's a much funnier sounding name.

[FerrisWiel]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 20 2003, 01:05 AM
I think it had more to do with how far away it is and how randomly and arbitrarily he selected the country. He was going for humor, he could have just as easily chosen Djibouti, which is what I would have done, it's a much funnier sounding name.
We all know how much DF digs Djibouti, he digs Djibreasts, too.

--Ferris Wiel

[Darth Fabulous]

Dang straight Ferris.

[Darth Fabulous]

Djiboobies would have been funnier though.

[FerrisWiel]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 20 2003, 01:11 AM
Djiboobies would have been funnier though.
I thought it sounded too much like Djibouti. It's the line I try to walk. You may be right, but I played it safe. And by the way, I heartily agree. I love Djibouti and Djibreasts/Djiboobies.

--FW

[Lord Rocha]

Originally posted by Darth Insightful@Feb 19 2003, 09:47 PM


Here's what you can do: let her get to know this loser guy a little better and chances are, since you say she's pretty intelligent, she'll figure out that he's no good. This will leave her available and ready for a better guy, such as yourself.



Thanks for the advice. Is the best one i heard from anyone here..and the only decent one !! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Siamese Sith]

So where's the extra strength Krogenar?
Gibralter....I hardly knew her! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif
Nicey nice sig pic Ferris.
Glad to have "home on the range Yoda" back style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif
No need for advice today thankyou.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Padme@Feb 19 2003, 10:41 PM
Whatever! And don't call me baby! I can't stand that.
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/eh.gif

I know, so do I!
When people call me a baby, I become enraged, toss some chairs around and basically wreak havoc until they agree that I'm not being a baby.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 19 2003, 11:50 PM
I have a reputation, not the kind you tell your parents about, but a good one nevertheless.
[Krogenar crossed over the heavily guarded border between warring advice threads. His sweaty face is streaked with grime, and he wears a bandanna fashioned from a thong. Making his way to a supply depot, he waits in line until he gets a chance to barter. Finally, he dumps several hundred plundered panties, brassieres and thongs onto the table, and waits for their worth in hard currency.]

[Darth Fabulous]

Funny stuff K, but what does it have to do with the quote?

[Krogenar]

Ok, let me try to get this straight. You sort of like this goth-style girl, but you don't know if she likes you in that way, however she is showing a little interest. Meanwhile, she's spending time with this loser guy and you're jealous. That's the way I interpreted it anyway.

Thanks for converting that to English.

Here's what you can do: let her get to know this loser guy a little better and chances are, since you say she's pretty intelligent, she'll figure out that he's no good. This will leave her available and ready for a better guy, such as yourself.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

To properly attract a women you must do the following.

1. Briefly display excellence in some way.
2. Display a total lack of interest in her sexually.

This is nearly guaranteed to get her attention, but it requires that you a) have a skill of some kind (Nintendo doesn't count) and b) you must restrain that part of all men that wants to salivate at the sight of women, and bring them things, and all that crap. A woman needs to know that you are desirable, but then must realize that you are not attainable. Then you'll have her undying interest. Guaranteed. Have an interesting discussion that tells her that you're intelligent, all the while not displaying the slightest interest in her (women expect some sort of signal) and then look at your watch and say: "Oh, I have to floss. Bye" and then abruptly leave the scene.

Now, in your case, you should do the same.
Take this loser guy, and beat him to a bloody pulp as a show of excellence. As you do it, let him (and her) know just what you've told us: that's he's a loser, a poser, and a big womany anime lover. Then, as he cowers in a corner, kick him once or twice more to assert your dominance. Then leave abruptly. She'll be hooked for certain, you'll see.

Thank you, please drive through.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 20 2003, 03:14 PM
Funny stuff K, but what does it have to do with the quote?
I have a reputation too: Fearless Panty Raider.

[Siamese Sith]

Uh I uh have this really cool online game, I'm pretty good too! But every time my friend comes over and I try to show him my skills I get killed instantly, what should I do?! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Stop being such a show-off.

[non compos mentis]

HEY! I have a question. We all know the moon isn't made out of cheese, but if it was made out of barbecue ribs, would you eat it?

[Darth Fabulous]

Yes.

[Siamese Sith]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 20 2003, 06:23 PM
Stop being such a show-off.
Tell Krogenar that......hee hee

[Siamese Sith]

Originally posted by Krogenar@Feb 20 2003, 02:24 PM
Here's what you can do: let her get to know this loser guy a little better and chances are, since you say she's pretty intelligent, she'll figure out that he's no good. This will leave her available and ready for a better guy, such as yourself.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

To properly attract a women you must do the following.

1. Briefly display excellence in some way.
2. Display a total lack of interest in her sexually.

This is nearly guaranteed to get her attention, but it requires that you a) have a skill of some kind (Nintendo doesn't count) and b) you must restrain that part of all men that wants to salivate at the sight of women, and bring them things, and all that crap. A woman needs to know that you are desirable, but then must realize that you are not attainable. Then you'll have her undying interest. Guaranteed. Have an interesting discussion that tells her that you're intelligent, all the while not displaying the slightest interest in her (women expect some sort of signal) and then look at your watch and say: "Oh, I have to floss. Bye" and then abruptly leave the scene.

Now, in your case, you should do the same.
Take this loser guy, and beat him to a bloody pulp as a show of excellence. As you do it, let him (and her) know just what you've told us: that's he's a loser, a poser, and a big womany anime lover. Then, as he cowers in a corner, kick him once or twice more to assert your dominance. Then leave abruptly. She'll be hooked for certain, you'll see.

Thank you, please drive through.
Your theory is 75% complete, you need to have a flaw (drinking, cursing too much, killing tribes of Tusken Raiders....) In my experience there's nothing women enjoy more than "fixing"men.

[Padme]

I have a question. Why is it that guys think that they are allowed to look at me?

[Darth Fabulous]

It's the same reason people stare at train wrecks and car accidents.

[Padme]

So you are saying that they stare at me like they stare at you?

[Darth Fabulous]

Well I was only kidding at first, wanted to use that line for a while. Are you hot? If you are that might be why.

[Padme]

Now I know why they stare. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

You didn't answer my question. Are you hot?

[Padme]

Yes.

[Darth Fabulous]

I think we need some proof so we can judge you for ourselves.

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Padme@Feb 20 2003, 09:06 PM
I have a question. Why is it that guys think that they are allowed to look at me?
Do you not want guys to look at you? Is that a problem?

If you really don't want guys to look at you wear frumpy clothes, big sunglasses, and a scarf wrapped around your head. You know, the way Elizabeth Taylor looks most of the time. Another thing you could do, is when you're in public, suddenly turn around quickly as if you think someone is behind you. Swatting at invisible bugs can work too.

[Padme]

I am going to post my pic here as soon as I get my scanner working.

[Padme]

That would be funny. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

I am going to post my pic here as soon as I get my scanner working.

It better live up to all of the hype. We judge women pretty harshly, and I have pretty high standards.

[Padme]

What do you mean by that?

[Darth Fabulous]

I mean that you had better actually be hot.

[Padme]

What does it matter to you? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

Doesn't really, I would just hate to have to poke fun at you for a few weeks.

[Padme]

You won't have to.

[Darth Fabulous]

I guess we'll see.

[Padme]

Here is another question. Do you guys think girls should get tatoos?

[Darth Fabulous]

I really don't think anyone should, it's such a permanent thing. Imagine yourself when your 80 and your grandchildren say, "Gramma, what is that on your (insert location of your tatoo here)."

[Darth Fabulous]

Why, are you thinking of getting one?

[Padme]

No. I thought the same thing you just said. Both of my sisters have them and thats what I said to them.

[Darth Fabulous]

I think people are far too careless with their bodies. I still regret having my ears pierced, there will always be tiny holes in my ears now.

[Darth Insightful]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 20 2003, 10:01 PM
I really don't think anyone should, it's such a permanent thing. Imagine yourself when your 80 and your grandchildren say, "Gramma, what is that on your (insert location of your tatoo here)."
Have to agree with DF on this one (DI's eye begins to twitch uncontrollably). Tattoo's are just unattractive. Nothing like getting the image of a butterfly somewhere on your person and 25 years later it looks like a Piccaso painting.

[Padme]

Thats funny. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

[Justin]

Dear Fab,

What's up with the chauvinism?

Love,
Justin

[Darth Fabulous]

Well I am pretty chauvinistic, but if you point out the particular instance of chauvinism I may be able to tell you the root of that occurance.

[Siamese Sith]

Hey Padme where's that pic?
I may have some new comments to add to your "what's attractive" poll. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif Hey Justin hows your lips?
I don't know what's less attractive chauvinism or narcism...wink wink nudge nudge say no more.

[FerrisWiel]

Chauvinism, a dirty little word with a beautiful little meaning - patriotism. I, myself am a proud male. I wouldn't have it any other way, I enjoy peeing while standing, growing facial hair, and having both an X and Y chromosome. I am openly male.

There are others out there who are chauvinistic about:
*Being female
*Being of a particular breed
*Quilting
*Square-Dancing
*Mathematics Prowess
*Living in a particular nation
*Being human
*Class in society
*Income
*Education level

and I wouldn't begrudge a single one of them.

"Male chauvinist pig" is simply a term coined by those with *****-envy and I stand, unflinchingly as a bold and brash man, in the face of those who oppose me because of my desire to fondle breasts, make money and have sex with beautiful women.

--FW

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Darth Fabulous@Feb 20 2003, 10:07 PM
It's the same reason people stare at train wrecks and car accidents.
Doh! :roll:

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Padme@Feb 20 2003, 10:58 PM
Here is another question. Do you guys think girls should get tatoos?
Sure, if it's a tattoo of my face.

But it should be tasteful, you know - not located someplace that might sag prematurely. Then my face would be all stretched out and wrinkly. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Justin@Feb 20 2003, 11:39 PM
Dear Fab,

What's up with the chauvinism?

Love,
Justin
What about Insightful and I? What are we, chopped liver?
Most people react to our chauvinism with unbridled delight!
Because that's what we are: delightful pigs. *beams*

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by FerrisWiel@Feb 21 2003, 01:37 AM
"Male chauvinist pig" is simply a term coined by those with *****-envy and I stand, unflinchingly as a bold and brash man, in the face of those who oppose me because of my desire to fondle breasts, make money and have sex with beautiful women.

--FW
I agree.

Here's a story.

[Krogenar taps his bongo drum a few times.]

Great Moments in Male Chauvinism

In college a fellow chauvinist and I took a "Womyn's Studies" course as a lark. Our graduation requirements dictated that we take certain 'depth' and 'breadth' courses, and 'diversity' credits: basically so that someone besides radical feminist lesbians took these courses. This particular course actually counted for a 'Diversity' AND a 'Breadth' credit. The thought of hitting two birds with one stone, and having to take one less useless course had us cheering. We went to class, and discovered that in a class of some 80 people, we were the only two men in the whole class.

We sat up front, and really did try to contribute to the class. But to be frank, it was a colossal joke. The whole premise of the course was this: all of human history is nothing but a big ***** party. My buddy and I would raise our hands, even performing 'the wave' just for the chance to ask a serious question - we were ignored and received some very nasty glares.

Finally, we realized about a week before the deadline for dropping a course that there was no way in hell the instructor would ever allow us to pass. So we entertained ourselves by dreaming up exciting 'exit strategies' for our last day. We considered showing up to class naked, whilre refusing to acknowledge the fact. Or, we would burn our underwear in class. I finally decided that the best possible exit would be to stand up in the middle of the class and declare:

"Why are you afraid of my *****!?"

Then, as they raced towards me, shrieking like harpies, talons at the ready, I would throw one of those little silver balls that ninjas use in movies on the ground. When the cloud of smoke cleared, I would be gone, and their fiendish claws would be empty.

To me, feminism has failed because it has gone beyond its original purpose of universal suffrage and respect. Now, women who choose to become mothers are frowned upon by the feminist elite - and that's a mistake.

Quick Joke: "Why do feminists hate men?"




Answer: "Because we get to have sex with all the good looking women."

[Blizzard]

Dear Dudes,

It's spelled "tattoo", which K finally got right. I have one on my ankle and I think when I am 80 and showing it to the grandkids I will have one hell of a story to go along with it... since it's a tattoo of the Star Wars Rebel Insignia. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bigsmile.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/hehe.gif

[Justin]

Blizz, you geek!

Hey Justin hows your lips?


I don't know, Siamese, ask yo momma!!

Kidding, kidding...

[Darth Vegas]

Alright guys, what should I do for my b-day?

[FerrisWiel]

I dunno why, I'm a clean-cut individual with no piercings or tattoos myself yet I dig chix with tattoos, piercings and dyed, choppy hair! SEXY!

--FW

[Siri Ruane]

My advice--
Never, may I repeat NEVER, stand on your head when you have hiccups... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/notify.gif

[Tovor]

Krogenar, that story is LMAO funny!
I give it a rating of 3 out of 4 swinging *****is for laugh value. It would have gotten a solid 4 if you had actually flashed the feminists in the class!

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/saber.gif X3

[Tovor]

Alright guys, what should I do for my b-day?
Walk down the street in your birthday suit and a party hat on your head singing "Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me..." and invite strangers to sing along. You are sure to meet interesting people that way. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

[Darth Vegas]

Originally posted by Tovor@Feb 21 2003, 02:22 PM
Alright guys, what should I do for my b-day?
Walk down the street in your birthday suit and a party hat on your head singing "Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me..." and invite strangers to sing along. You are sure to meet interesting people that way. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif
Thanks for the advice, I geuss. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blush.gif

You know what's funny is Tovor posted that at 2:22 pm, PST, and my b-day is tomorrow, 2/22.....whoooaaaaaa!!!

[Lara]

Tovey,

Walk down the street in your birthday suit and a party hat on your head singing "Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me..." and invite strangers to sing along. You are sure to meet interesting people that way.

That's what you are planning for your b-day? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Tovor]

You know what's funny is Tovor posted that at 2:22 pm, PST, and my b-day is tomorrow, 2/22.....whoooaaaaaa!!!
That is a sure sign that my answer corresponds to what fate would have you do on your birthday.

[Tovor]

That's what you are planning for your b-day?
Nah, I wouldn't do that. The interesting people I told Bond he was sure to meet are Bubba and the boys in jail. They would enjoy a naked male cellmate. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Lara]

Nah, I wouldn't do that. The interesting people I told Bond he was sure to meet are Bubba and the boys in jail. They would enjoy a naked male cellmate.

LOL!

Bond, you can spend your b-day here style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif

[Darth Vegas]

I sure could, probably will spend part of the day here, but I hope I'm not desperate enough to spend the whole day here.

Actually, I along with a bunch of friends are going out, I just don't know where yet.

[Blizzard]

Dear Dudes,

Why aren't your pictures on the Members Page (http://blizzardskies.com/bz/gs/senate.html)?

[Justin]

It's because they're both really Al Gore, and they (he) don't (doesn't) want anyone to know.

[Lara]

Somekitty's been posting like a kitty style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

I can't speak for the other fellows, but I wasn't aware there was a members page.

[Lara]

Justin, LOL!

[Darth Fabulous]

Well I just emailed Blizz my picture. I'll try to talk DI into sending his pic in, he probably won't though, he has privacy issues.

[Justin]

Fishier and fishier.

[Darth Fabulous]

I have an embarrassing picture of him on my computer in which he is doing a friend's highlights, I could send it but he would probably be pretty pissed.

[Justin]

What would be great is a picture of you two back-to-back with your arms crossed.

[Lara]

He's doing WHAT?! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif does he do that often or just for friends? I pierced a friend's ears ages ago.

[Darth Fabulous]

It was a one time thing, which is why it was so funny to watch. It really goes against his personality. I had my ears pierced by a girlfriend when I was 17. Her and her sister had me on my knees in their bathroom, one icing my ear the other shoving a dull earing, not a nice sharp stud, through my ears. After the third one, I almost passed out.

[Lara]

I used a needle with thread. When I drove the thread through the tiny hole I tied it so that it wouldn't close. It worked. You got them pierced at the same time with a dull earing? wow, I don't think I could do that.

[Darth Fabulous]

The ice numbed me pretty well, but they could never get the darn thing through in one push, it usually took 7 or 8 times and the numbness wore off after about the third push. They did one in my upper earlobe too, that one hurt pretty bad. I took them out after about 4 months.

[Lara]

Ouch. Next time try the needle and thread, it's not as traumatic...or go to one of those piercing and tattoo places.
After all that suffering you took them out?

[Darth Fabulous]

I had to take them out to play soccer.

[Blizzard]

I don't have to take my tattoo off to play soccer. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif

[Darth Fabulous]

If I had a tattoo I would not have been allowed on the team.

[Darth Fabulous]

And by the way why isn't my picture on the site yet? Get crackin'!

[Blizzard]

Aw, man! I was having fun posting.

Oh, ok.

[Darth Fabulous]

Well you asked for the picture, I think it's the least you can do.

[Blizzard]

I didn't get your picture. Where did you send it?

[Darth Fabulous]

I sent it to the link at the bottom of the member page. I just sent it again, see if it's there now.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Tovor@Feb 21 2003, 06:18 PM
Krogenar, that story is LMAO funny!
I give it a rating of 3 out of 4 swinging *****is for laugh value. It would have gotten a solid 4 if you had actually flashed the feminists in the class!

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/saber.gif X3
*bows* Thank you!

I always got a big kick out of the feminists on my campus. They were always mean, with unshaven legs, and they were a lot meaner to me than other women. Plus, they seemed to have serious problems with numbers. They released a study on campus, stating that approximately 1 in 4 women on campus (our campus!) had been raped.

Raped!

Holy crap! We later discovered that when they interviewed the women for the study, they asked the following question:
"Have you ever had an uncomfortable sexual experience?" Those that answered, "Yes." were reported as having been raped. Now, I can't speak for men everywhere, but hey, I do my best alright? No need to send me to jail over it, sheesh! I rank radical feminist lesbians as my #1 tweaking target, followed closely by the French. I think if a French, lesbian radical feminist were to surface, we two would be drawn together like arch-nemeses that travel through time, fighting each other in numerous times, places, and incarnations.

Heh. When I was a reporter at college, I read about a feminist group named (I kid you not) 'The Lesbian Avengers' - I'm serious. They were marching in a 'Take Back the Night' March, for feminism. This march was interesting in that men were strictly prohibited from marching, even in support. When the reporter that was sent to cover the event interviewed one of the 'Avengers' (I begged for that assignment, oh how I begged) she asked, "What do you feel is your role during this march?" The Avenger, clad in camouflage and combat boots, replied, "We are here to see that none of the women here today are harmed, ostracized, or looked at funny."

"Looked at funny." Damn, I miss college.

[Krogenar]

Originally posted by Blizzard@Feb 21 2003, 07:13 PM
Dear Dudes,

Why aren't your pictures on the Members Page (http://blizzardskies.com/bz/gs/senate.html)?
Mine is sent.

[Darth Fabulous]

Thank you Blizz, I figured you would have to crop the pic, looks nice.

[Blizzard]

Oh goodie... brb again!

[Blizzard]

Whew!

I put new pics of Clara and Seanakin while I was at it. I better go see if there is anyone else who wants to add a pic.

You guys look so cool!!!!!!!!

[Obidobi]

Great pics guys.....hello to you.... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cool.gif

[Lara]

Krog, LMAO!!!

[Darth Fabulous]

So does anyone need advice tonight?

[Blizzard]

Yes.

The only pics I had of Vibro and Keri were photomanipulations from like 3 years ago. Should I leave them on the page and risk them murdering me in a slow yet violent way. Or should I take them off and get their permission first?